


Reset To Default

by nanisorero (miriam_lee)



Category: Persona 4
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Dialogue Heavy, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, M/M, One-Sided Attraction, Psychology
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-17
Updated: 2019-07-06
Packaged: 2020-03-06 23:16:04
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 13
Words: 52,289
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18860938
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/miriam_lee/pseuds/nanisorero
Summary: Yu manages to break through the barrier of Adachi's 6th SL event and keeps progressing the bond without fully realizing why he's so eager to do it. As he hears bits and pieces of the detective's past, finds his ema at the shrine, and learns the reason for the transfer, he also becomes willing to help. But with Adachi, it's way more complicated for Yu to do than with anybody else he met in Inaba. All the more so as he starts having his doubts and suspicions.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> In case you like fanmixes, here's a music batch that helped me to write this, on [8tracks](https://8tracks.com/todtenvogel/reset-to-default) or [YouTube](https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLuwbEok-3D5p984Yt0GW3llQ2JeNhKYLT)  
> If something's technically wrong with the playlist, feel free to hit me up on [twitter](https://twitter.com/mabufufu)

“Hey, you seem as bored as ever.”

Yu already knew where this was going. He heard the same sort of thing – did the wording ever change even a little? – every time he tried to approach Adachi. The message was always the same: he couldn’t afford any idle chat.

It started in early July when Dojima saw them both talking at Junes, and after more than a week Yu didn’t even know why he was still trying.

It felt different from his other stalemates with people, where he knew he had to either press on, or simply wait. He kept remembering their last talk with the detective, as if trying to find some explanation, but to no avail. No investigation progress seemed to help either: Adachi didn’t get less busier even when Dojima spent evenings at home.

Still, Yu couldn’t but feel a weird glimpse of hope that made him come up to the detective every time he saw him. Just to get that very hope crushed again and again.

“Are you avoiding me, Adachi-san?”

He didn’t even realize that he asked this aloud; his courage must’ve gone off the charts for his own harm.

Yu already prepared to take the question back when even in the weak glow of a nearby streetlight he noticed perplexity on Adachi’s face. The kind of perplexity that, he thought, might’ve as well finally pushed things forward. So he took the plunge.

“I know that you’re busy with the case. But shouldn’t you have more free time now that prefectural police has taken the matter in their hands?”

Yu almost heard himself sounding like a kid who was asking for attention, but Adachi didn’t laugh it off.

“Even Dojima-san shows up earlier at home these days.”

This wasn’t entirely true, and there was no one else who knew it better than Adachi, yet the detective didn’t point that out.

“Am I being a nuisance?”

With a low sigh, Adachi scratched his head.

“Uh, that’s not it. I just.. don’t get why you wouldn’t want to spend time with Dojima-san or Nanako-chan instead,” he smiled. “They’re family, right? Who am I to you anyway rather than your uncle’s coworker?”

The question did get things off square one at last and Yu eagerly grasped the opportunity to sort everything out.

“Did uncle say anything to you after that time at Junes?”

“Well, he just wondered if we hang out often. Didn’t say anything directly, but seemed genuinely surprised.” Adachi shrugged. “It made me think about how many times I’ve talked to you since May. One too many for it not to be weird, I guess.”

Yu remembered how hard it was for him to persuade Adachi to come over for dinner for a similar reason: he kept insisting it was awkward somehow.

“You’re a friend of the family. What’s weird about it?”

After a pause, he heard a stifled chuckle.

“Dojima-san’s friend? I wonder if that’s a promotion I’ll ever get, huh.”

“And my friend, too.”

There was a pause again, and even though it was for a split second, Adachi’s face went blank.

A second later a smile broke onto his face again.

“Hey, is it all about that old woman at the store and the things we discussed with you later? Because I really meant what I said then. I do like being alone and I don’t care if I’m easily replaceable.”

Returning a smile, Yu shook his head.

“I don’t think you’re that cold on the inside.”

“It’s not about coldness. That’s just how things in life are, and you have to adapt to it,” Adachi scratched the back of his head again. “Anyways, just forget about it, alright? It’s really not a problem you should be bothered to fix.”

“You don’t deny there is a problem, though.”

The detective shut his eyes and sighed.

“You sure you’re not Dojima’s _son_? You can be as persistent as him at times,” Adachi looked at Yu, his lips curled in a weak smirk. “There’s a bunch of kids your age here. Isn’t it better and easier to do this friendship-bonding thing with them? Why strike it up with me?”

Not that Yu didn’t ask himself the same question the whole time he was waiting for the detective to feel like hanging out with him again. At one point, he even wondered if this fixation was the result of all the persona-related brainwashing by Margaret and Igor. Still, he mostly preferred to use Izanagi, managing to always keep him a few steps ahead of himself in terms of power, and knew for sure that he wasn’t after more strength.

He didn’t know what exactly he _was_ after though. What he knew for a fact was that once, back in June, when he stumbled upon both Yosuke and Adachi at Junes, he found it easier not to spend time with either of them than to make a choice between the two.

“I don’t feel too much of an age gap when talking to you, Adachi-san,” he answered in his usual level voice, having decided not to think about everything too much and just go with the flow.

Adachi almost pouted at his words.

“Hey, was that supposed to be a compliment?”

“Didn’t you say you felt young enough to be that old woman’s grandson? I think he would be around my age.”

Yu’s mouth curved into the same mischievous smile Adachi had himself at times, and the detective shook his head with a laugh in reply.

“You’re a flatteringly good listener, y’know that?”

Yu knew that he’d been taking advantage of this ‘talent’ a little too often lately, to the point of getting used to it and taking for granted. Yet somehow, with that one phrase, Adachi managed to make him feel thankful for this unpretentious skill all over again.

 

***

 

In the end, the detective agreed to spend some time together by keeping Yu company during his night fishing. When after a slow walk they came up to the riverbank, Yu went back to the high grass and returned with a fishing rod.

“Leaving things in the open, perfectly sure they’ll be safe, huh?” Adachi snickered. “You’ve adjusted to living in a small town faster than I expected.”

Surprised at the detective’s remark, Yu looked at the rod in his hands.

“Woah, don’t tell me you’ve just realized it,” Adachi raised his eyebrows in bewilderment. “That’s some whole new level of adaptability there.” He smiled weakly. “Though, I guess any change is easier when you’re still in high school.”

Yu returned a smile.

“I think moving isn’t something anyone can look forward to at any age.”

“Oh?” with his hands in his pockets, the detective tilted his head. “So, you didn’t want to come here?”

Busy attaching a breadcrumb to the fishhook, Yu furrowed his brow. Saying something like this felt wrong and it was difficult for him to remember the exact thoughts and impressions he had in March, three months ago. Maybe Adachi was right and he did adjust somewhat too quickly.

“I just didn’t know what I should expect,” done with the hook, he slowly headed to the dock. “That, and I didn’t have other options anyway.”

He was standing at the edge of the dock and facing the dark water surface beneath him, yet still felt the detective’s curious look from the side.

“Well, that makes two of us,” Adachi stepped forward and set down on the stony shore beside Yu. His legs crossed, he still kept both hands in the pockets. “Seems like we’ve got something in common after all.”

“You make it sound like we’ve got nothing else to agree on, Adachi-san,” Yu smiled and turned to the right only to see his companion’s absent look into the distance.

Instead of helping him to snap out of it, Yu decided to wait, and after what seemed to be a whole minute of silence, the detective finally got back in the conversation.

“Did Dojima-san tell you? I was transferred to Inaba just a few weeks before you came here,” he said almost flatly. “Received a notice in early January and didn’t have a voice in the decision either. A real fresh start of a new year.”

Yu wondered if the notice was completely out of the blue or caused by something specific, but felt uneasy to ask. Adachi looked calm as he talked, but his words oozed pain. Making him hurt even more was the last thing Yu wanted.

“The reason I’m still going to Junes almost every day is probably because it’s the only city-like place in here.” With a wry smile, Adachi picked up a small pebble and lazily skipped it on the water. “But back when I lived in the city, I almost never had the time, energy or reason to visit any sort of a large shop like that.”

“ ‘We don’t know what’s good until we’ve lost it’?” Yu suggested and Adachi laughed, shaking his head.

“No, no, it’s more about the wrong balance of things. The crime rate’s high in the city and you just don’t have the time to think about anything but work. And here, you don’t have enough places to kill boredom when it hits you.”

“Looks like it hits you even when a murder case is open.”

Yu hoped to ease the mood with a banter, but Adachi’s smile this time was even bitterer.

“Yeah, it sure does,” was all he said after a short pause.

Using the silence that followed, Yu could finally cast the line.

“What about the shopping district?”

The detective gave a half shrug.

“Didn’t even know how the ‘Shiroku’ store reads until recently. I only go there if it’s for work. That place screams rural.”

To his own surprise, Yu caught himself wanting to advocate the shopping district – the first place he got to see in April and the place he was completely unimpressed with back then.

“It can be lively there too,” he said in the end.

“Oh, when the whole town finds out that an idol lives there, it sure can be lively,” Adachi laughed. “But it’s not about stillness. I didn’t like hustle and noise in the city anyway. It’s annoying.”

Yu smiled.

“Doesn’t sound like you actually enjoyed the city life, Adachi-san.”

“Right?” the detective scratched his head. “That’s what I don’t get. I didn’t have anything there anyway. Except for a more prestigious workplace, maybe, but I didn’t enjoy the constant hypocrisy and peer pressure in the least,” Adachi shifted his gaze back to the river. “And still, I somehow think that city’s a better place.”

They were both silent for almost a minute.

“I think it’s easier to be alone in the city,” Yu said while looking at the still water surface; all fish showed absolutely no interest in the breadcrumb for some reason. “It’s comfortable and almost natural when it’s hectic and everyone else around is a stranger. Being alone in a small and quiet town like this can be suffocating.”

He expected a pause but didn’t think it’d be that long.

“Sheesh, seriously, why didn’t Dojima-san find me faster than I brought up all that stuff to you at Junes?” somewhat abashed, Adachi ruffled his hair. “I mean, I know you’re the kind of guy who wants to help everyone with everything. Dojima-san mentioned once how therapeutic it felt for him to open up to you about his wife. And c’mon, that’s _Dojima-san_ we’re talking about.” He gave Yu a tired smile. “But I think it’d be better if you didn’t get too involved with me, Yu-kun. Really.”

Yu almost felt the detective put up an emotional barrier, shutting him out of the conversation he finally succeeded to make personal.

“Are you implying you’re a tougher case than Dojima-san?”

After his second attempt to go for a joke, Yu saw Adachi turn his face to the river again. Absorbed in his thoughts, the detective skipped another pebble before Yu could remind him about the rod.

“Who knows? I might as well be.”

Calmly looking at the water, with all fish scared away again, Yu pondered over his answer.

“I know you think we’re very different, because that’s how it looks like now, Adachi-san. But being left out was what I feared the most when I had to move here too.”

Hearing that, the detective couldn’t help but laugh.

“You? Left out? An outgoing, kind, and confident kid like yourself would always be welcomed anywhere. You don’t even have to work for it.”

Yu shook his head, disagreeing.

“The thing is..” he closed his eyes for a second, realizing he never told this to anyone else in Inaba. “I was mostly on my own back in the city. That’s why I said it can be easier – it was like that for me. Here, I could’ve ended up alone again, and I know it would’ve hit me hard. So if not for the people I’ve met…”

Yu paused, knowing that what he was about to say wasn’t really ‘right’.

“If not for the _case_ , I wouldn’t have met all the people, who’ve built up my confidence here. I wouldn’t have had this chance to start things over.”

Adachi’s silence made him somewhat anxious, but in the end all the detective did was give out another bitter laugh.

“..So, this murder mystery helped to get you comfortable here? That’s some irony.” He looked at Yu out of the corner of the eye. “You owe the killer then? Once we catch the guy, he’ll get a thanks from you, huh?”

Yu pursed his lips. It all sounded both ironic and hypocritical, but he couldn’t deny the reality of it.

“All I got from this mess was just a small thrill and a much greater pain in the neck,” Adachi chuckled. “You’re lucky that you’ve found something good in that.”

“It _is_ just ‘luck’ and coincidence,” Yu agreed. “That’s why I feel that you’re in an unfair situation.”

Shaking his head, the detective laughed again.

“There was no chance to ‘start something over’ for me anyway. Unlike you, I’m an adult who’s supposed to have something solid behind his back already. I was simply expected to fit in quick and do the job right. What could ‘luck’ have possibly done for me here and now?”

“It could’ve helped you find a place you belong to.”

Adachi stayed silent for a few moments.

“You sound as naïve and idealistic as that ‘soulmate’ rumor, kid. Neither soulmates, nor such places exist. They’re made up to give us hope. But as years pass and most people don’t find these things, this vain hope starts crushing them down.”

Yu saw his companion reach for another pebble just to take it in his hand to fidget with.

“It’s nice to see you worry about me, but I don’t have this hope. And without it, time is actually a useful thing. Being left out can be a torture for a high-school student like you, but as you grow up, you realize that it’s-..”

“..’Just how things in life are’?“ Yu exhaled, and the detective smirked.

“Yep, Mr. Attentive Listener. Everyone’s alone in the end. Those, who say they aren’t, have been simply bending and pretending long enough to trick themselves. And that’s the last thing I wanna end up doing.”

Yu looked at Adachi’s face in profile, the heavy feeling in his chest weighing him down. He couldn’t think of anything he could say to a person who was obviously less lucky yet more wounded than him without appearing annoying or arrogant even if just to himself.

Meanwhile, the detective skied the pebble, giving Yu an obvious hint at his intention to skip it on the water again.

“Adachi-san,” Yu pointed at the rod with his chin.

“Oh. Right, sorry,” Adachi smiled sheepishly, put the pebble back on the ground, and slowly got to his feet. “Well, I’d better get going now. It was nice talking to you,” he smiled. “Just don’t take all this boring adult stuff close to your heart, okay?”

Yu smiled back. He wished he could do that.

“Can we talk again some time?” he heard himself ask, when Adachi was already walking up the stairs to the floodplain.

There was a short pause.

“Sure, why not,” the detective glanced at him over his shoulder with an almost apologetic smile. “Let’s just choose better topics.”


	2. Chapter 2

It’s not that Yu hadn’t told Dojima where exactly and on what days he worked at night. Most likely, his uncle had been too concerned about the entire night part-time job endeavor to even hear the schedule and the name of the place. Either that, or those couple of drinks he’d had before coming to Shiroku pub right at the middle of Yu’s Friday night shift erased the facts from his memory completely.

Dojima wasn’t the first one to make his presence known, though. It was Adachi, whom Yu hadn’t seen since last week and whose voice he heard and instantly recognized despite the music and the noise of running water in the sink.

“Sir, are you sure we can’t just grab some more beer somewhere?”

“To hell with your beer, Adachi. I need my sake.”

Busy with the dishes, Yu turned his head to the left and saw his uncle and Adachi take two rear right seats that had been occupied by two elderly men until just a few minutes ago.

“Hey, can somebody take these glasses away and give me my regular sake?”

Yu hadn’t noticed the previous customers leave and hadn’t had the time to clean up yet. The hostess gave him a meaningful look while reaching for a sake bottle and a cup on the shelf.

“Hurry up, young man,” she smirked. “If you upset my visitors, you’ll have to join me in my tanka performance today.”

Terrified of a mere possibility of this happening in general and – especially – of this happening in Dojima and Adachi’s presence, Yu turned off the tap, moped his hands with a towel and headed to the not so unfamiliar customers.

“…-weren’t mentioned, timestamps were missing, evidence codes weren’t listed. Just how much time did you say you spent on that report?!”

“Well, it’s not like some numbers will help us solve the case, Dojima-san, right?”

“It’s a _standard procedure_ and I asked you to take care of it,” Dojima buried his face in his left palm. “I had to waste three hours on redoing it myself today, because explaining what’s wrong to you would’ve taken another goddamn hour.”

“I guess I have a pretty good idea what was wrong with it now, hah,” Adachi lifted his gaze to thank whoever was taking away the glasses left by the previous customers, but froze the moment he saw Yu. It took him another moment to curl his lips in an apologetic smile. Yu returned it: he felt uneasy to listen in on their conversation, even if unintentionally.

“I _hope_ you do, because I swear this was the last time I did your work for you,” Dojima kept grumbling without looking up. “I don’t care if you’re actually an idiot or just gave up after being exiled to-..”

“Er, Dojima-san, why don’t we go look for some other place? Or even better, call it a day?”

Dojima lowered his hand and looked at Adachi with clear irritation on his face.

“The hell are you blabbering about? What’s wrong with this place?” He didn’t really leave time for an answer there. “It’s not some flashy city bar, but it’s the best you’ll get here, so would you just shut up and let me enjoy the evening?!”

Without saying a word, Adachi just motioned to the front with his chin, making Dojima finally look up and squint at his nephew.

“What are you-..” before he could finish or Yu could explain, Dojima noticed an apron – and his deductive logic helped some buried memories resurface in his brain, erasing the surprise from his face and irritation from his voice. “..Ah. Part-time job at night. You’ve mentioned it. ..Never thought it’d be this place.”

“C’mon, Dojima-san, just how many places are open here at night anyway,” Adachi laughed, earning a disapproving look from his boss, who just received his sake bottle and didn’t seem willing to go anywhere. “Still, I remember you saying he’s working at a daycare too, huh?”

“That and he’s translating some stuff at home on weekends, Nanako says.”

“Woah,” Adachi looked up again, and Yu couldn’t help but feel abashed from seeing sincere fascination in his eyes. “That’s some hard-working spirit there, Yu-kun. Is Dojima-san that strict with the pocket money?” He smirked. “Although, I can’t even begin to imagine what you’d need that much money for. It’s not like you can spend it on something in a place like this.”

“I’m saving up,” Yu answered swiftly enough not to look suspicious. He hoped his uncle wouldn’t go too far into details, but Dojima brushed the whole matter of spending aside with a blunt sound of his empty cup hitting the counter.

“I gave him about a half hundred yen just a few weeks ago. The work’s about skill and independence.” Judging by Dojima’s furrowed brow, the pocket money comment got to him, and Yu wondered if this would’ve been this obvious had his uncle been soberer. “And quit whining about Inaba already, will ya? If you hadn’t wanted to get sent to the sticks, should’ve had worked your ass off back in the city.”

The frolic that Yu saw in Adachi’s eyes just a moment ago disappeared and a pained, tired smile tugged on the corners of his lips.

“Hah. Was doing just that, sir. Believe it or not.”

Dojima scoffed.

“Apparently, what you were doing wasn’t enough.”

“Apparently so,” Adachi let out a cheerless laugh.

“One more?” Yu drew his uncle’s attention to the bottle, hoping to get him off the topic.

“Y-yeah, thanks,” Despite the hard alcohol kicking in, Dojima obviously felt uncomfortable from being attended to by his nephew. And this very awkwardness was what sent him back on track to the subject that was most convenient for him. “Can’t imagine you doing your job properly at all, Adachi, y’know?” he grumbled. “I’ve been working with you for what, 5 months now? And I’m pretty sure this kid, with no academy behind his back, would’ve been more useful in your place.”

Yu regretted the drink he’d offered almost as much as he disliked the direction his uncle’s thoughts were taking.

“You’re overestimating me because of my test scores, uncle,” he put a refilled cup down on the counter. “But they hardly mean anything in real life.”

After taking a sip of sake, Dojima gave out a loud laugh.

“Well, with how Adachi had the highest grades in his academy class, I guess you’re right!”

“Ahaha, way to put me down, sir,” Adachi laughed, and Yu couldn’t figure out if he really heard the nervous notes in his voice or just thought they had to be there.

“Anyway, it’s not like I’m basing this on your test scores,” Dojima’s look suddenly turned serious. “You’re smart, hard-working, outgoing, and reliable. You’ve got all it takes to be a great cop,” he brought the cup back to his lips. “Just.. don’t tell my sister I said that. She’d kill me if you decided to actually join the force.”

“Can’t disagree with Dojima-san here,” looking straight at Yu, Adachi addressed him a mischievous smile. “This isn’t the best line of work, but you’d probably be a cool fit. You’d be nice to work with. If anything, guys like you are exactly what our country’s police force could use to finally get into shape.”

Yu blinked in surprise. He was used to hearing about his ‘maturity’ from almost everyone, but this was the first time Adachi treated him almost like an equal.

“Says who, huh?” Dojima snorted. “Guys like _you_ are what-...”

“Uncle,” Yu’s voice was calm, but it had all the necessary implications for Dojima to get a clue this time. And for Adachi – to get his load of reasons to blink in surprise.

“Right, I forgot you guys’ve been all buddy-buddy lately,” Dojima sighed. He reached for the bottle to pour himself a third cup while continuing to grumble. “Can’t think of anything you two may even talk about, though. What are you, a city-life nostalgia club? Go get that Junes kid and you’re all set.”

From what Yu could understand, his uncle never really talked to Adachi about anything but work. It wasn’t all that surprising, considering how Dojima didn’t like to discuss his own private matters; he probably just believed that neither did anyone else. To Yu, it seemed both sad and unfair.

“..Wish one of you could have a positive influence on the other.”

“Well, Yu-kun’s the best in his class now too, just like I used to be, so there’s some progress already,” Adachi snickered and went on before Dojima had a chance to take another jab at him. “Since you’re done with the third drink, how about calling it a day now, sir? We do have work on weekends, remember?”

“Don’t start pulling this employee-of-the-month act when it’s convenient for you,” Dojima waved him off and topped up the cup yet again. “Besides, why are you even in a hurry? You’ve got nothing waiting for you anyway.”

There was an awkward momentary silence.

“Yeah, right.” Adachi ruffled the hair on the back of his head and let out a chuckle. “Nothing at all, sir.”

Before Yu could come up with a way to intervene, Dojima frowned and sighed, his eyes cast down at the counter.

“..Sorry. Didn’t have to put it like that.”

Adachi raised his eyebrows in genuine surprise.

“Huh? No, no. It’s fine, Dojima-san,” he chuckled again. “That’s how it is, after all. And it’s not like it was ever different for me.”

Dojima didn’t say anything for a while, and Yu hoped that his uncle was considering the possibility of a heart-to-heart talk.

Not wanting to get in the way, he stepped aside and took away the glasses left by two other customers. He hadn’t even noticed when the pub got almost empty.

“Yu,” Dojima called him and motioned at Adachi. “Get him a drink too.”

“Sir-..”

“I’ll walk home on my own.”

“I’m glad you’re that confident about yourself, but sadly, your car won’t do the same trick.”

Dojima closed his eyes, exhaled heavily, and emptied another cup.

It was already obvious that no talk was happening: Dojima was just as reserved as Adachi when it came to something personal. They both made Yu wonder if ‘adulthood’ meant keeping problems to yourself even when you’re obviously not managing to deal with them on your own. He wasn’t sure if it was more irrational than tragic.

“Give Yu a drive home then and park the car,” Dojima mumbled still obviously remorseful for what he said.

“Oh, now you’re just trying to get rid of me, sir,” Adachi laughed and winked at Yu. “But I don’t think Yu-kun’s shift ends before the last customer leaves. Or does it?”

“No, it doesn’t,” Yu replied, wordlessly thanking Adachi for his understanding and loyalty. They both knew Dojima wouldn’t have made it home on his two, alone.

Dojima sighed for the third time, mumbled something about “hitting it off”, but didn’t say anything legible aloud.

“Can I get some snack instead of a drink, though? It’s a pub, not a bar, right?”

“It is, but I think at this hour we can only offer curry and ramen.”

Adachi shrugged.

“Ramen works for me.”

Yu nodded and headed to the kitchen corner while still hearing his uncle’s voice.

“God, not the slurping again…”

“You surely don’t want me to die of malnutrition, Dojima-san.”

“What _nutrition_ are you even talking about if that stuff’s all you ever eat?!”

“You seem to know those two gentlemen quite well,” the hostess smirked at him as she walked up to the fish tank to feed Akihiko.

“More or less,” Yu smiled and gave a shrug of the shoulders.

He silently wished his uncle and Adachi knew each other at least somewhat better too, but admitted that he couldn’t do much about it.

 

***

 

“There you go, Dojima-san. Just try not to fall asleep, okay? It’s a five-minute ride at best.”

To the sound of the drunk mumbling, Adachi shut the back door of the car and motioned Yu to the front seat. When they both closed the doors from the inside and buckled up, they could already hear snoring from behind.

“Thanks for taking care of him,” Yu smiled at Adachi, who just started the car. “Can’t imagine how his evenings used to finish when you weren’t around.”

“Well, he’d probably just wake up in his car at 6 a.m., buy some pills, and head straight to work,” Adachi laughed quietly. “All adults were there, believe me.”

“It must’ve been tiring. And uneasy for Nanako, too.”

“With a job like ours, the meaning of ‘tiring’ can be weird, you know? Sometimes you’re so exhausted mentally you don’t care about risking to exhaust yourself physically only to have your mind relax a little,” Adachi was already getting the car out of the shopping district. “But yeah, I think Nanako-chan is glad to know her dad’s home regardless of his condition. Her eyes are literally sparkling when she sees him in the door, right?” he turned to Yu for a second and chuckled. “Don’t know why, but I once decided to tell Dojima-san that he should appreciate this more. He just ordered me to shut up, of course, and stayed at the station overtime the same evening.”

After glancing at the mirror and making sure his uncle’s asleep, Yu shifted his gaze to Adachi.

“He may be reckless with his words and actions sometimes, but I’m sure he never means things in a bad way.”

“Oh, now _you_ ’re making a fuss out of the stuff he said in the pub too?” Having caught Yu’s drift, Adachi shook his head with a smile. “Relax, I’ve spent more hours with Dojima-san than you, so I’m used to the way he is. Besides, I’m not that fragile. All he did was state a real fact.”

Yu looked at Adachi’s face, crawled over by stripes of light at fixed intervals. He could’ve suspected himself in misreading the other man’s reaction back in the pub and interpreting his pauses and chuckles wrong. If not for Dojima’s own apology. When even his uncle, being halfway drunk, felt like he hit a chord, it couldn’t have been just his imagination.

As if feeling this disbelief coming from Yu, Adachi glanced at the mirror too and lowered his voice.

“In any case, it’s not like I can whine about something like that in Dojima-san’s presence. Losing someone the way he did is terrible,” he scratched the back of his head with the free left hand. “I’m not sure it’s a nice thing to say, but.. when I look at him, I only reassure myself that being alone is good. You’re safer when you don’t have something that can break you once it’s gone.”

Giving it a serious thought, Yu remained silent for a while.

“I think I get what you mean. But I’d still choose good and bad emotions over no emotions at all,” he said at last and then bent an eyebrow with a chuckle. “Isn’t it the same as with drinking despite the morning consequences? Paying for the good time with some bad time?”

“Nah, when adults drink, it’s just a circle of ‘problems’, ‘alcohol’, and ‘hangover’. You run from one sort of bad time to another, as you choose to have some good time in between,” Adachi smirked. “Still, I knew you’d choose that. All kids would, but that’s ‘cause they believe nothing bad would actually happen to them,” he shrugged again. “Those few relationships I had showed me that good stuff happens way too rarely to compensate for all the bad stuff. Besides, I’m really not into something as poetic as memories, so putting time and effort into something that will eventually make no sense.. I dunno it’s discouraging.”

Yu knew that he couldn’t convincingly counter Adachi’s opinion; all he could speak from was the ideals, and no matter how hard he believed in them, they couldn’t match up to the real experience.

The car was passing by the small and dark houses on either sides, and he could already recognize the neighborhood.

“You’ve told uncle he should appreciate Nanako-chan more,” Yu reminded, “Isn’t it because you believe some things do last and are worth the effort?”

Facing the road, Adachi chuckled somewhat ironically.

“For the sake of argument, let’s say she grows up and runs away to the city, leaving her old man behind. Such possibility exists, doesn’t it? No one can tell what their kids will be up to in the future, after all,” he let out a laugh after seeing Yu’s confused look. “Hey, no offence there, ‘big bro’, this is just a theory. And I just think that since he ended up in this kind of situation, Dojima-san might as well do his best if he doesn’t want Nanako-chan to grow up feeling abandoned by him. Sometimes he just sees her as some sort of a grim reminder, and-...”

Adachi stopped short and abruptly checked the mirror. After making sure that Dojima was still fast asleep, he sighed with relief and relaxed.

“Woah, that’s the risks I’m taking now? Good grief,” with a furtive smile, he glanced at Yu. “Don’t tell him I said all that stuff, okay?”

“He wouldn’t even believe me in the first place,” Yu smiled back. “From what I‘ve seen today, he has a very basic image of you. It’s odd how you know him and his problems a lot better.”

Adachi finally made a turn to a narrow road next to the Dojima residence.

“Not necessarily odd. All I know about him is mostly from observing him on his own ground. It’s not like Dojima-san has the time or chance to return the favor. Besides, he’s not a fan of personal chats,” he smirked at Yu, “unlike his nephew. Can you open the driveway so I could park the car, and then help me get your uncle to his room?”

 

***

 

“You sure you’re okay walking from here?”

As Yu watched Adachi put on his shoes after they both helped Dojima get upstairs, he felt uneasy. Adachi once mentioned that his house was closer to the shopping district than to their house, so he basically had to go back to where they left from.

“Yep, it’s fine. If I borrowed Dojima-san’s car now, that’d mean picking him up earlier than 7 tomorrow, and I prefer to show up at work at 9 am. or so,” he smirked. “A twenty-minute walk versus two and a half hours of sleep in the morning. Guess what wins.”

For a few seconds, Yu considered offering Adachi to stay over, but that would’ve meant almost the same early morning rise the detective was dreading. That, and he wasn’t quite sure where Dojima had spare futons or covers. Waking up Nanako just to ask her about it didn’t seem like a good option either.

“Sorry for this,” he sighed, admitting there wasn’t a better solution. “And thanks again, really.”

“Never mind, I’m glad to help. With all the trouble I cause him at work, I do owe your uncle a lot.”

Adachi opened the front door and already stepped outside, when Yu followed up with a question.

“Does he have other friends at the station?”

“ ‘Other’ you say, huh,” Adachi chuckled but didn’t dig into the topic again. “Well, now that you mention it.. No, I think no. Why do you ask?”

“He’s always given me the impression of someone who prefers to do work alone. And to always give it more than his all,” Yu noticed Adachi’s confused look and explained. “I think he’ll always find trouble, no matter who he works with.”

The left corner of Adachi’s mouth turned up.

“So, you’re telling me, this doesn’t have to be me yet again?”

“I didn’t mean it like-..“

Yu didn’t have the time to finish his sincere and confident pushback as he saw Adachi laugh.

“Sorry, kid, I was just joking. I get what you mean and you have a point, but..” he shrugged, “Dojima-san still has the right for expectations of his partner to do his ‘part’ well.”

Yu couldn’t quite capture the mood in the detective’s last line.

“You’d want to live up to them?”

Adachi replied with a somewhat sad laugh.

“Probably. But if I could live up to my own expectations at least, I wouldn’t be here now.”

Trying to encourage himself, Yu latched on the thought that the detective probably needed to vent as much as he himself wanted to hear the details. So he went for it.

“What caused your transfer, Adachi-san?”

Just before Yu voiced the question, Adachi made a step toward the road pavement, leaving the small circle of light from the lamp on the doorstep behind. Yu couldn’t see Adachi’s face clearly anymore and because of this the silence seemed to be longer than usual.

“..I sure talk a lot when you’re around. I wonder if it’s you, me, or both of us, huh..” Adachi left the last sentence dangling in mid-air for a while before he added: “Anyways, let’s save this one for some other time.”

Yu could feel that ‘some other time’ wasn’t going to happen soon.

“It’s okay if you don’t want to talk about it,” he shook his head. “I didn’t expect it to be a pleasant topic for a conversation, but I thought you’d feel better if you shared the story.”

Adachi laughed and turned back.

“Do you _ever_ have ‘pleasant’ conversations with me? I would’ve already gotten tired of them all if I were you.”

“No, I enjoy them,” Yu said in his usual confident manner. “I feel like they help me to know you better.”

“Well, that’s what chatting usually does, but I still don’t get why you’d want to ‘know me better’.”

Yu paused for a second and then decided to use the chance and explain it.

“When I speak to the people here, I feel like I know what exactly their troubles are revolving around. They talk about mostly the same things, too. And it’s not like it’s bad, but it’s... easy.”

Adachi didn’t respond at once, but when he did, Yu could hear some new intonations in his voice.

“..You mean ‘boring’?”

Yu shook his head; he didn’t choose that word intentionally, it didn’t feel right.

“Remember how last time you said I’m helping everyone?” Yu closed his eyes for a moment. “Nobody here actually needs my help. They’ve already got all the answers and just need someone to talk them through with. They thank me, but I know that I don’t really do anything.”

“It does sound easy to you, but they could’ve talked to dozens of people before and couldn’t get to the same thoughts they did with you,” Adachi shrugged. “And you _are_ good at listening. So hey, take the credit.”

Yu confidently shook his head again. Wishing for some sort of reassurance wasn’t the reason he brought all this up.

“What I mean is, it’s different with you. The more I talk to you, the more I want to help, but I can’t. Because it seems like the only way I can help someone is to guide them through their own answers,” he looked at Adachi’s vaguely visible face. “And you don’t seem to know them just yet.”

There was a long pause again, and then a chuckle.

“Well, I said I might be a tough case, didn’t I?”

“That’s a part of it too,” Yu nodded. “I can’t just ignore it after you’ve put it like this.”

“A challenger, huh,” Adachi’s voice seemed lower than usual. “So, you want to know me better because you hope I do have these answers somewhere. What if they simply don’t exist?”

“Then I want to try help you find them.”

“ _Why?”_

There was something different about Adachi’s voice again, but the question itself puzzled Yu enough to distract him from this.

 “..I’m not sure I know or even have the reason,” he said after a short halt, his brow slightly furrowed.

They both stayed silent until the detective finally chuckled in his usual laid-back manner.

“You’re a weird kid, y’know? Wasting your free time on stuff like this,” Adachi made another step toward the road. “But I guess everyone has their own ways to kill boredom.”

Yu was sure boredom wasn’t involved and wanted to contradict, but realized that he’d have to offer another reason instead. And everything that came to his mind sounded either ridiculous or not convincing enough.

“Somewhere there I also lost a chance to say that I enjoy our chats too,” Adachi snickered. “Well, almost as much as I love having an 8-hour sleep.”

Yu took his cell out of the pocket and looked at the clock: it really was almost 1 am.

“I guess I talk around you a lot, too,” he shook his head with a smile.

“Then it’s ‘both of us’, huh,” the detective laughed in return. “Well, see ya. Good night.”

“Good night, Adachi-san.”

After sliding the door shut and locking it, Yu remained still for a few more moments, pondering over the recent exchange. No matter how personal and sincere his talks with Adachi seemed to get, there always was that one point when he’d sense the detective’s almost tangible wall of detachment. And Yu couldn't help but wonder if he'd ever succeed to get past this wall at all.

He shook his head, trying to get rid of gloomy thoughts, and turned off the lights in the empty living room before heading to his room upstairs.


	3. Chapter 3

“Hey, saw you here a bunch of times last week, partner. And throughout the entire month, too. Thanks for your custom!” Yosuke plumped in a chair next to Yu, whose break just started too, and let out an exhausted sigh. “In the afternoon, I’m usually at the grocery department near the entrance. I see people come and go, but I’m chained down to that place, because that’s when they have time sales and promos. So come say hi anytime, alright?”

Yu smiled and nodded.

“Yeah, I will.”

Three days ago he and Chie agreed to help Yosuke and Teddie with the store business. Yosuke even promised them a pay, but Yu saw how badly his friend was overworked and didn't do it for the money. Besides, he did come to Junes almost everyday regardless.

“You were with Nanako-chan?”

“No, she likes coming here in the evenings, with both me and uncle,” chuckling, Yu scratched the back of his head. “It’s kind of a tradition already.”

“ ‘Junes bringing families together’, huh? I might suggest this as a new motto,” Yosuke winked at him. “But hey, with how late Dojima-san is usually back from work, you’re probably missing out on all the best stuff from sales.”

“It’s the time spent together that counts, so paying a little extra doesn’t matter.”

“A _little_? Man, have you ever even looked at the prices when you were here in the afternoon?! You can find stuff at 80% discounts here!”

Yu couldn’t help but smirk.

“You sound like a concerned housewife, Yosuke.”

Yosuke pouted, but then closed his eyes in defeat.

“Guess that’s what happens when you grow up in the family of a business manager,” he sighed. “But seriously, do you even come here for shopping?”

Yu shook his head.

“I was just looking for Adachi-san.”

“Huh? Your uncle’s assistant who helped us find Mitsuo?”

 “Yeah, I haven't seen him much since then. We used to run into each other in Junes before, so I tried my luck.”

Yosuke blinked in surprise.

“Dude, you were here like 3 times a week for a month.”

Yu knew it was more often than that – Yosuke probably just missed him on some days – but didn’t correct him.

“My luck was obviously bad,” he tried to laugh it all off.

“Yeah, but your stubbornness is impressive,” after he mumbled that, Yosuke raised an eyebrow. “Wait, did Dojima-san ask you to keep him from slacking off?”

“No, I just wanted to talk. Isn’t it normal?”

“Well, I guess it is, but..” Yosuke still looked confused, “..what would you even talk about? I mean, he’s just your uncle’s awkward goofball-sidekick, right? Man, remember that time he was arresting the guy who stalked Rise?” Yosuke laughed. “That was so lame and ridiculous.”

The more he heard about Adachi from other people, the more Yu understood that he was probably alone in his more complex opinion on the detective. Everyone else seemed to treat him the way Igor’s Tarot deck did and seemed to have no intention to get beyond that image at all.

“Adachi-san is not as simple-minded as he may appear at times,” Yu contradicted. “He’s rather perceptive of others, actually. And though he doesn’t let it show, I feel like..” his brows knitted together, as he was trying to find the right words, “..he’s got a lot of rueful thoughts on his mind.”

Dumbfounded, Yosuke blinked again.

“Well, if.. you say so, partner…” after a moment of thinking, Yosuke lowered his gaze and bit his lip. “Looks like everyone has their own problems, no matter what impression they make,” he chuckled bitterly and looked at Yu. “We should know it better than anyone else, right?”

“Yeah,” Yu nodded, thankful to his friend for his open mind.

“So, you’re listening him out like a great listener you are, huh?”

Rubbing his neck, Yu looked back on his and Adachi’s latest conversations. Last time they had a long chat was in late July, during and after the drive from the Shiroku pub. He saw the detective soon after that when investigating the Mitsuo Kubo case, yet all they talked about was the suspect. When Adachi finally visited them a few days ago for a celebration, he mostly talked to Dojima over the table and left as soon as the dinner was finished, as if avoiding to talk to Yu personally.

Yu contemplated for another second on whether he should share all this with Yosuke, then closed his eyes and let out a quiet sigh.

“I’m willing to, but he doesn’t open up easily. I think he doesn’t want to show that he cares about a lot of stuff. Or doesn’t even understand that he cares. And even when he brings up some hurtful things, he just,” Yu waved his hand in a ‘push aside’ gesture, “makes it sound as if he’s talking about somebody else entirely and it doesn’t bother him in the least.”

“Maybe it really doesn’t?”

The bitter smile that Adachi had on his lips at times came to Yu's mind almost immediately.

“No,” he shook his head. “I know it does.”

They both stayed silent for a few moments.

“Why.. don’t you just leave him be then?”

After Yu raised an eyebrow in question, Yosuke, who wasn’t too confident in his suggestion, elaborated.

“I mean, that’s what he wants, right? You’re doing great as it is, partner. You’ve offered your help, you’re trying to understand him better – hell, you actually _do_ understand him better than anyone else. But you don’t have the obligation to solve every little problem of everyone in this town, y’know? If Adachi-san doesn’t want to deal with his own issues, why should _you_ do it for him? He’s an adult, he should handle it on his own.”

Lips pressed together, Yu was stuck with the same ‘why’ he had no idea how to handle a month ago. He didn’t know why he was set on helping the only person who didn’t even seek his support, and why he was so sure that being left on his own wasn’t what Adachi needed. Or wanted, even if only unconsciously.

“C’mon, Yu. Don’t get too involved in it, you’ll burn out like this. Save some energy for yourself, okay?”

Seeing heartfelt concern on his friend’s face, Yu smiled in an attempt to soothe it.

“Yeah. Thanks, Yosuke. I’ll try to take it easier.”

“Now we’re talking,” Yosuke smiled, clearly satisfied. He took out his cell and then started to get out of the table. “Crap, my break’s over already. Gotta go find Chie and help her with the flyers. You got anything to do here?”

Yu looked around the food court. There were almost no visitors left and he’d cleaned up all the tables already.

“I think no. Want me to help too?”

Yosuke winked at him.

“Only if you’re up for it, partner.”


	4. Chapter 4

While in the city, Yu’d never minded rainy days: they’d always tended to bring some peace and quiet to the usual hustle. In Inaba however, the sounds of rain were almost ominous, inducing only anxiety and dismay.

Trying to distract himself from the heavy thoughts, Yu decided to head to the shrine. He’d fulfilled the ailurophobe’s request just the other day and wanted to share the good news with the fox. Yet, as he passed through the gates and started to slowly approach the shrine, he noticed somebody sitting right on the stone steps under the shrine’s wooden roof.

Yu could only sigh at the tiny spark of hope that immediately lit in his chest and had to appeal to his rationality: there was no way Adachi would be in such a place at this time of the day. Yet in a few more feet he could clearly recognize a familiar loose jacket and a dark-red tie.

“We seem to run into each other on most weird occasions, don’t we?” Adachi chuckled, outvoicing the sound of rain pattering on Yu’s umbrella. His hair was wet from the rain and looked strangely less disheveled than it did most of the time.

 After making the last few steps to the place where the detective was taking shelter, Yu smiled.

“You didn’t check today’s weather forecast, Adachi-san?”

“Nah, I did. Kids here didn’t. I was trying to gather some new intel on Mitsuo from them when it started to pour and this little bunch burst into panic,” with a chuckle, the detective stretched out his hand and showed an open palm. “One of them even insisted I take his bugs in exchange for my umbrella. Couldn’t say no, so now I’m kind of stuck here until it lets up.”

Yu was going to make the first logical suggestion that came to his mind, but stopped himself: he already knew that Adachi would decline it. Instead of saying anything, he simply stepped under the roof, folded his umbrella, and sat down on the stone step next to the surprised detective.

“Oh? You won’t suggest walking to the station together under your umbrella?”

Yu abruptly stopped adjusting the collar of his polo shirt. His eyebrows flew up and he turned to face Adachi.

“I assumed you’d call it ‘weird’ and say no to it anyway, so-..” he said in a confused voice before the detective interrupted him with a wave of his hand and a laugh.

“I would’ve done exactly that, I was just kidding,” he smirked, “Your reaction didn’t disappoint though.”

With a smile on his lips, Yu exhaled and shook his head.

“And there I thought I was finally starting to see through you.”

“Well, you did predict my answer, huh. Anyway, what brings you here in this weather? Or do you have some kind of a ‘detective detector’ now?”

Yu knew it was just another pun but unironically wished he owned a device like that.

“We wouldn’t meet so rarely if I had this sort of thing.”

“Rarely?” Adachi seemed genuinely baffled. “I feel like it happens all the time.”

“Perhaps it just irks you too much,” Yu bantered, and there was a momentary pause before the detective appreciated the joke with a laugh.

“Time flies for me, I guess,” Adachi ruffled his wet hair. “Every day is almost the same, so they merge together. A week is just a long day, a month is just a long week.” He looked up at the roof, the raindrops slowly sliding from its edge. “Rains make any day stand out a little. I think I’ve gotten to like them.”

With what rains meant for him and the team, Yu couldn’t share the sentiment. But since he couldn’t explain the reason either, he decided to stay silent.

“You like rain?” Adachi turned his head to his left, looking his companion right in the eye.

Yu was almost sure it was the first time the detective ever asked him a question in such a direct manner.

“I think I enjoyed it more in the city,” he answered honestly, looking at the dark cloudy sky from under the roof. “Rains give out an eerie feel here.”

“And in this ‘eerie weather’ you choose to take a long walk to the shrine?” Adachi playfully lifted an eyebrow. “What’s that? Some reverse psychology?”

Yu contemplated for a few seconds before he brought himself to talk about ema requests, leaving the sentient fox behind the scenes.

“So.. how do you choose an ema? At random? Or do you just pick those you recognize the authors of?” Adachi couldn’t hide his confusion after hearing the story. It was already too late when Yu realized that the fox’s absence in the narrative made him look like a complete selfless maniac or even a stalker.

He scratched his head while trying to come up with something.

“I made a promise to someone to check the shrine box from time to time. When I find an ema under it, I should fulfill the request.”

“Sounds like another one of your games,” the detective chuckled. “You get something in return too, right?”

Yu just nodded and Adachi left it at that.

The word ‘game’ got to Yu no matter how hard he tried to ignore it. Adachi and Naoto were the only ones from outside the Investigation Team who knew about the Team’s existence and they both referred to what they were doing as a mere ‘game’. Being belittled by Naoto felt unpleasant, but seeing the same sort of attitude come from Adachi left Yu almost dejected.

Yu bit his lower lip, stopping himself from an inherently useless attempt to explain the Team’s actions. He knew that to do that, he’d have to share some ‘weird’ details, and with how these details weren’t easy to believe in, they’d hardly help him go up in the detective’s opinion.

“It’s funny how I ended up at this very place when I first visited the district for the job,” without noticing Yu’s perplexed state, Adachi turned his head to face the path leading to the shrine’s gates. “I had to discuss one of Kanji Tatsumi’s incidents with his mother. She was heading down from here and said she just asked the gods to help her son find his voice or something like that,” he chuckled. “Considering that I was an outsider, she was very nice to me. When we finished talking, she insisted on me going and sort of registering myself with an ema.”

“Did you write one?” Adachi’s words managed to grab Yu’s attention and distracted him from his conflicting thoughts.

“Yep.”

“But you aren’t gonna tell me what exactly you wrote,” Yu added with a wry smile.

“Hey, that’s two correct predictions in a row,” the detective teased him, smiling back. “Honestly? I don’t even remember what I wrote there, it was the spur of the moment. I’m quite skeptical about such stuff as gods granting people’s wishes anyway” he let out a laugh and peered at Yu. “And after your story here I have even more reasons to be. I figure, you didn’t write one yourself, huh?”

Yu shook his head. He had to admit he didn’t even think about doing it.

“Well, knowing you, I guess you’d probably ask for the perp to finally be caught,” Adachi added, looking at the path in front of him again. “But that’s always something to work for. If a culprit tries hard not to be caught, it’s almost disrespectful to respond with lesser amount of effort.”

Yu raised a curious eyebrow.

“Is that some sort of a police courtesy code?”

“Yeah, you may say so. If not for the bad guys, we police wouldn’t have our jobs after all. Besides, it’s not like you’ll get the perp on a plate just because you made a request to some god anyway,” the detective rubbed his neck. “Then again.. that Kubo kid did show up on his own before he disappeared, huh.”

“Maybe he was just tired,” Yu suggested. “He did say he craved attention, so hiding wasn’t what he wanted.”

“Or maybe he was disappointed in the police force for being so dumb and taking so long,” Adachi chuckled with a shrug of his shoulders. “In any case, it’s good that this is finally over. Hope this won’t be the reason for your friends and you to draw apart, though.”

Without noticing it, Yu clenched onto the umbrella he was holding. Adachi had a point. Yu still believed that the case was what had brought the group together, and the risk of falling out after closing the case seemed terrifyingly real to him.

“Er, guess I made you think of some grim things,” the detective smiled sheepishly and scratched the back of his head. “Sorry, kid. I’m sure you guys will be alright no matter what.”

“Yeah,” Yu cracked a smile. “I hope so too.”

“Man, will it ever ease off?” the detective looked up at the roof again. The sound of the drops falling down on it didn’t seem to become any quieter. If anything, the patter was getting more and more intense by the minute.

“You sure about my offer?” Yu raised his umbrella, reminding of its existence.

With a sigh, Adachi took out his cell phone to check the time.

“I have an important briefing at 5, and if I show up soaked in front of the chief officers, Dojima-san will kill me at the spot. Although,” he touched his hair, then looked at the wet shoulders of his jacket, and sighed again, “I think he’ll kill me as it is now, too.”

“Your hair actually looks neater when it’s like this,” Yu smiled mischievously and watched Adachi roll his eyes.

“Oh, give me a break. Like it’s my fault this town’s barbershop’s been closed since I got here. And I don’t really have much time to take care of my appearance more than I already manage to. Not everyone’s got the perfect looks no matter what like you, kid.”

“I can walk you to your house,” Yu suggested after a short halt. “You could spruce up a bit and take another umbrella.”

“For whom would I have it?” With a snicker, Adachi raised an eyebrow, but a mere second later narrowed his eyes, recollecting. “..Although, I think I didn’t throw out the one I almost broke a month ago. It should be fine for a one-time use...” He glanced at Yu. “You sure you don’t have anything better to do than this? Won’t it be-..”

“Awkward?” Yu finished for him and shook his head, smiling. “No, and I wouldn’t mind even if it were.”

The corners of Adachi’s mouth turned up.

“You _are_ a strange kid,” he slowly got to his feet. “But I guess I’ll have to take you up on your kind offer. Luckily, my house is a lot closer than the station, so it won’t take you long.”

Yu stood to his full height too and after he opened the umbrella, stepped from under the roof.

“I think I’m a little taller than you, Adachi-san, so-…“

“Yeah, yeah, I don’t have your flawless hair _and_ I’m shorter,” with his hands in the pants pockets, the detective lazily joined Yu under the umbrella, letting him hold it for them both, and sighed. “Gee, feels like my self-esteem will be crushed even before the briefing starts.”

The strange feeling the compliments were giving him forced Yu to change the topic.

"What’s this meeting about?" he asked once they passed the shrine lanterns.

"It’s a regular monthly one. We just discuss the progress, defined by the amount of written reports," Adachi sighed. "There are all kinds of them, mostly useless and reiterating. And boring. I don't have enough motivation to work on them as much as I should, so I get called out all the time."

The sound of rain pattering on the umbrella filled the few moments of silence, as they both passed through the front shrine gates and turned to the right, going up the shopping district main street.

“What’s the work in the police force like for you in general, Adachi-san?” Yu asked. “There _is_ something you enjoy about it, right?”

Adachi mused for a while.

“Let’s see.. Nothing is stable, apart from maybe the fact that you’re a civil servant no matter what. Your pay, schedule, duties, workplace – everything can change at any moment. For better too, of course, so many use these possibilities and strive to get a promotion...”

Adachi let out a snicker, but Yu could almost hear the ‘it’s just always for worse with me’ in it.

“..Guess there isn’t much I like about this line of job after all,” the detective shrugged.

“But there had to be something that made you think this was the right choice when you were in high school.”

“Huh? You’re seriously thinking about it as a future career, is that it?” Adachi’s eyebrows rose.

“I didn't rule out the possibility even before that conversation in Shiroku,” Yu confessed. “So I’m just trying to give the idea a better thought now.”

The detective scratched the back of his head.

“If you ask me, what one does for a living barely matters,” he said as they both left the shopping district, heading to the residential area. “I mean, all jobs are boring in the end. It always seems there’s something better out there, but in fact, it’s all the same everywhere.”

Yu shrugged.

“Maybe so. But I’ll have to choose something. And I don’t want it to be a thoughtless choice.”

“Well, I get that. My wasn't either, after all,” the detective smiled somewhat bitterly. “I think at some point, I did see the cool side of this job. But reality’s harsh and loves crashing ideals. So it’s better not to stick to them at all. Just doing whatever seems easiest to you and getting enough money for it is good, too.”

Knowing that the transfer had to play a large role in forming this sort of view, Yu realized that he probably could get a better understanding of the circumstances behind it by carefully pursuing the topic.

“I guess you’ll call it naïve, but I still like to think about a future job as a chance to do something meaningful.”

“Whether it’s naïve or not depends on what this ‘meaningful’ is for you.”

Yu took a couple of seconds to find the right words.

“I believe it’s making some sort of a positive change,” he answered. “Not necessarily drastic – just small changes here and there that can do some good are enough for me.”

Looking straight ahead, Adachi was silent for a while.

“That sounds just like you,” he agreed, letting the corner of his lips turn up. “Well, wouldn’t say that law enforcement is the first thing that comes to my mind hearing your motive, but.. to be honest, I can’t think of a job that’d be a fit for such an ambition at all, hah.”

Yu closed his eyes for a moment and let out a soft chuckle.

“So you _do_ think it’s naïve.”

“Sorry, kid, but yeah. Police officers aren’t heroes, you know. Even if some of us dreamed to bring a sort of change to the world at the start, these dreams got buried under all the paperwork pretty quick. In practice, our job is just formalism. Any kind of progress without a pile of supporting documents is not a result, and results are what work is all about.”

The detective was facing forward the whole time and Yu could hardly read the expression on his face, seeing it only in profile.

“In the end, ‘change’ is just a nice word to inspire young kids like you to work overtime without getting paid for it, that’s all,” he shrugged. “But the thing is, all jobs are like this. That’s just how the real world works. So it’s not like I’m trying to talk you out of your choice: if you do become a cop, you won’t miss out on anything.” Adachi finally turned his head a little to his left and smiled at Yu. “Besides, I did tell you that I think you’d fit in, remember?”

To his own surprise, Yu remembered not just the line itself, but also the look the detective had on his face when he said it.

“But wait, didn’t Dojima-san mention something about your mother?”

Heaving a sigh, Yu closed his eyes for a second again.

“She didn’t approve of uncle’s decision when he was in high school. Doesn’t approve of it even now, actually. Says this work is bad for Nanako,” he explained. “I guess anyone’s close ones wouldn’t be too happy with the choice of a career that doesn't make for a good family life.”

“My parents didn’t care as long as it guaranteed me a pay, so I wouldn’t say ‘anyone’s’,” Adachi laughed, and Yu regretted his own generalized remark. “Hey, I thought _you_ were sent here because of your folks’ work, weren’t you?”

“..Yeah, I was,” Yu pressed his lips together. The double standards his parents had were one of the few things that made him feel frustrated.

The detective chuckled.

“Looks like you’re planning a little rebellion to pay your family back when you get home.”

“I don’t want to hurt them with my choice or anything, so it’s not about paying back,” Yu clarified. “I just wish they could understand and accept my decision.”

“What if they won’t?”

Yu let out another sigh.

“I’m trying not to think about it at the moment.”

“Your usual optimism at work, huh,” Adachi chuckled. “Well, you can count on Dojima-san’s support at least.”

“I actually discussed the whole thing with him a few days ago,” Yu nodded. “I didn’t want to get him involved, but he said he’d talk to my mother first, since he’s sure she’ll blame him for this anyway. But for now, he gave me time till the end of September, to see if I’m serious.”

“Sounds reasonable,“ the detective agreed. “And there’s no need to hurry, after all. You’re here till spring, right?”

“Until the end of the second year, yeah.”

“Then there’s enough time for you and Dojima-san to work out a strategy together. Like, he can recommend some really good and prestigious academy that’d impress your parents.” Adachi turned his face in Yu’s direction, lips shaping a mischievous smile. “Or you can always remind them it was _their_ idea to send you to your uncle for a year. And a year before graduation at that. They failed to see the risks of a possible influence and set a lousy example at keeping up with their own ‘family values’, so it’s on them.”

“I don’t think pointing out their mistakes will get me anywhere, Adachi-san,” Yu shook his head with a laugh. “But yeah, I hope to have a better idea on how to handle this in spring.”

“Good luck with that,” still smiling, Adachi pointed at one of the small one-story houses they were closing in on. “That’s my place, by the way. ..Or so I think. Damn, it’s been a long time since I’ve seen this area in daylight.”

After they came up to the front door hood and Yu lowered the umbrella, the detective started to fish around in his pockets for the keys.

“You’re renting it?” Yu asked, looking the house around.

“Sure,” he snickered. “Like I can afford buying real estate.”

Once Adachi successfully opened the door with his key, he stepped inside.

“Yep, here it is,” the detective said as he spotted a transparent stick umbrella much like Yu’s own in the plastic bin in the corner. He opened it in doors and cringed at its three broken ribs. “It got flipped bad during one of the thunderstorms in August. But it’s not that windy today, so I’ll manage to get to the station with it,” he smiled. “Thanks, Yu-kun. Guess you’ve managed to be of help today even without getting a request. Although, you did find me at the shrine like some sort of an ema, huh?”

Yu chuckled; it was an ironic coincidence indeed.

“I’m glad we could talk again.”

“For once, it wasn’t just my whining,” Adachi snickered while taking off his jacket. Then he glanced at Yu’s short-sleeved polo shirt. “Hey, aren’t you cold in that?”

Yu lowered his gaze to his goosebumps-covered arms; he didn’t feel cold, but was indeed used to faster walks that warmed him up a little more.

“Here, put this on,” without getting a reply, the detective handed him over his jacket. “It’s still somewhat wet on the shoulders, but it’s better than nothing,” he smiled sheepishly. “I won’t get a pat on the head from Dojima-san if you catch a cold after this and he learns the circumstances. And you’re okay with all the ‘awkward’ stuff anyway, right?”

After a moment that he took to recover from the unexpected offer, Yu left his half-folded umbrella leaning against the outside wall and put his right arm in the sleeve.

“Oh, and there are that kid’s bugs in the right pocket. I guess with your hobby, you’ll find them more useful than I.”

“Yeah,” Yu smiled after he put the jacket on and took the umbrella back in his hands. “I’m leaving for a school trip in a day, so I won’t be able to return it earlier than Sunday.”

“No problem, I’ve got spare ones,” Adachi waved it off. “With how we bump into each other, you’ll have a chance to give it back to me someday.”

“Deal,” Yu nodded and opened the umbrella. “Good luck with the briefing, Adachi-san.”

“Oh, I’ll need plenty of it. You have a nice trip.”

“Thanks.”

Yu made a few steps toward the road but turned around once he heard the front door close. He looked at the neat, unassuming house for a moment, as if unconsciously trying to match it with Adachi’s personality in his mind, and then continued to walk away.

 

***

 

When Yu returned to the shopping district, he stopped near the shrine and, after thinking about it for a while, started to walk up the stairs again.

He came back to the empty shrine’s offering box, called the fox, and told it about the success with the latest request. Yu couldn’t help but smile at the fox’s usual excitement and patiently waited until it calmed down a little.

“I’ve got a small favor to ask you this time, if you don’t mind.”

The fox gave a solemn nod in reply.

“The man whom I met here today wrote an ema back in spring,” Yu stretched his arm, letting the fox sniff the sleeve of Adachi’s jacket. “Do you think you can find it?”

The fox howled and disappeared at the roof of the shrine. Yu had to wait for almost a minute until it got back with an ema in its teeth.

“Thanks,” he pet the fox on its head and took the shabby plaque in his hands.

After staring at the written message for a few moments, he glanced at the fox.

“..You sure it’s his?”

The fox nodded, leaving no room for doubt.

Lips pressed together, Yu shifted his gaze back to the ema, the words ‘wish I weren’t this numb and could feel something’ oozing pain and reverberating in his mind.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Whenever I write/read Kanji's lines, his voice in my head is the most vibrant and clear of all the characters'.  
> That sweet emotional child. ♡

“Man, I wish we could sue Kashiwagi after coming back to Inaba,” Yosuke growled and lied back on the big round bed he had to share with Yu and Kanji. “I mean, should we even be legally allowed in such a place?”

“Didn’t hear you complain when we were allowed to that club just a few hours ago, Yosuke-senpai,” Kanji mumbled.

“Someone was too busy trying to get over Naoto’s presence to even say anything,” Yosuke retorted. “And we made a deal, Kanji, lower part of the bed, now.”

“Hey, I’m not a dog, dammit!” Kanji looked at Yu, counting on his support, but was puzzled to see him almost zoned out. “..Uh, senpai? Is everything okay?”

“Yeah, Yu, you’ve been acting weird this whole trip. Choosing a piggyback ride of all things?” Yosuke cringed at the memory. “That’s too uncreative. You all right?”

Yu smiled at both of his friends.

“Yeah, I’m fine.”

“Sure don’t look like you are,” brows knitted, Yosuke clicked his tongue. “Don’t tell me it’s that detective again.”

“Wh-.. What about t-that detective?” as Kanji visibly tensed up, Yosuke rolled his eyes.

“Not _that_ one. And man, can you at least _pretend_ you don’t have a crush on Naoto while we’re stuck in one room? Like, please?”

“WHA-.. SHUDDUP!” Kanji set up on the bed, ready to take a swing at Yosuke any second. “I don’t have a crush on ‘im!”

“Yeah, yeah, very convincing.”

“I’m goddamn serious! It ain’t a crush!”

“Geez, you freaking jump up and start stumbling over words every time the guy shows up or gets mentioned! What do you think it _is_?”

Yosuke’s words did leave Kanji confused.

“I-I’m just.. getting nervous ‘cause he’s with police and all! The hell’s wrong with that?!”

“Oh, seriously? When did the police ever make you flustered,” Yosuke scoffed. “Okay, that’s it, I don’t wanna have anything to do with love problems like this one.”

“DAMMIT, IT’S NOT-..!“

“So yes or no?” ignoring Kanji’s loud voice, Yosuke turned to Yu again.

Yu let out a silent sigh.

“Yeah.”

“Damn, partner, you promised to stop stressing over him back in August. Are you still trying to figure out his problem?”

Yu pursed his lips and thought about bringing up Adachi’s ema, but decided against it in mere few seconds. He still had a vague idea of what the message meant, but knew that Yosuke would definitely freak out and advise him to give up on the detective’s problems or to stay away from him in general. Yu wasn’t okay with either of the options.

“He’s opening up at times, but there are still things he doesn’t want to talk about.”

“..And, you’ve been thinking about these ‘some things’ during the entire school trip?”

Seeing Yosuke’s confusion, Yu raised an eyebrow.

“From time to time, yes.”

“You mean you’re not enjoying the time you’re supposed to enjoy, cuz you think about his problems?”

“Hey, wait, who are you talking ‘bout?” Kanji tried to catch up with the conversation.

“It’s Adachi-san, the detective, who “helped” us with Rise and Mitsuo, remember?” Yosuke sighed. “Yu’s been trying to reach out to him since early summer. Looks like the guy’s got some issues and isn’t cooperative, but Yu’s stuck on helping him out.”

Despite Yosuke’s clearly unappreciative tone, Kanji looked at Yu with the usual admiration.

“That’s our senpai. Always lookin’ out for others.”

Yu flashed him a thankful smile, while Yosuke closed his eyes and sighed again.

“Yeah, at the expense of all his own energy and time..”

“Well, uh.. it was probably the same with helping us.”

“But that’s.. that’s _‘us’_ ,” Yosuke tried to protest and, after biting his lip, slowly turned to Yu. “Look, I mean.. I know you’re always willing to help when you see someone in trouble. But if you deeply care about other people’s problems, that just.. means you have to think about all this stuff all the time. And if your thoughts are always somewhere else, you won’t be enjoying the place and the people you’re with at the moment.”

Stunned at Yosuke’s words, Yu failed to come up with a reaction right away.

“I.. er.. think Yosuke-senpai’s got a point there,” Kanji scratched his neck. “You shouldn’t go outta your way to help like every single person around, senpai. And I don’t wanna sound selfish or jealous or anythin’, but.. it’s kinda sad to imagine you being torn between the entire town, hah.”

“Hey, do you mean _I_ sounded ‘selfish or jealous or anything’?” Yosuke side-eyed him.

The reply line came to Yu so naturally in response to what Kanji said, he didn’t even stop to give it a deeper thought.

“It’s not every single person or the entire town. It’s just Adachi-san.”

Both Yosuke and Kanji lifted their eyebrows.

“Huh? Why him, though, senpai?”

Stuck with the ‘why’ he couldn’t have answered before, twice already, Yu started to look for the right words again, but Kanji didn’t let him finish his search.

“Uh, I.. prolly shouldn’t have asked that. I mean, why me or Yosuke-senpai, or anyone else you’ve supported, right? That’s not the stuff you can back up with reason.” He gave out a laugh. “But damn, he’s lucky you got his back, senpai!”

Yosuke was pressing his lips together for a few more moments and then exhaled with his eyes half-closed.

“..Sorry I brought up all this stuff, partner. I know it’s none of my business. It’s just that..” he slowly looked up, “sometimes I’m afraid you’re getting bored with us.”

Yu had to take a couple of seconds to recover from the confusion Yosuke’s line left him with.

A high-pitched scream from the hall of their hotel floor suddenly cut the silence, making all three turn their heads to the closed door. Loud girls’ voices from outside the room were mixed with Teddie’s flirtatious intonations, which, all together, meant nothing good.

“Don’t tell me that idiot bear’s at his ‘scoring’ attempts again,” Yosuke clicked his tongue.

“I owe ‘im a slap or two for today,” Kanji grumbled as he was already getting to his feet and heading for the door. “Be right back.”

Yu and Yosuke didn’t have the time to calm him down, and Kanji, with the memory of the Escapade incident still fresh in his mind, soon closed the door from the outside.

“Well.. Seems like Teddie’s out of luck for today,” Yosuke let out a laugh and Yu smiled back.

“He sure is.”

They stayed uncomfortably silent for a while before Yosuke heaved a sigh and weakly smiled at Yu.

“You know, sometimes I think that if not for this case, we wouldn’t even be friends now.”

Fearing where Yosuke’s train of thought was headed, Yu felt a lump in his throat.

“I mean.. you’d probably find another group of guys and girls to hang out and discuss things with,” Yosuke chuckled and shook his head. “Damn, your connection-making skills are unbelievable.”

Relieved, Yu quietly and slowly breathed out, while Yosuke went on.

“I know it’s probably stupid, but I kinda wish we were more important to you than other people, and played the role of some soft of a.. ‘place you belong to’,” uncomfortable with all the phrasing, Yosuke was restlessly fidgeting with the headphones on his neck. “And for some reason, seeing you obsessed with someone else's problems like that makes me feel like we.. don’t matter as much to you anymore or something...”

Yu pressed his lips tight, realizing that it had probably been his own actions and attitude that made Yosuke feel this insecure. He took a slow, deep breath and collected his thoughts.

“I think the reason I want to help Adachi-san is because I feel like I could’ve easily ended up as cast aside as he is after moving here.”

He saw clear disbelief on Yosuke’s face and chuckled with a shake of his head.

“I know you don’t see it as a possibility but you’re overestimating me, partner. I’m not as ‘cool’ as you all think I am, and the amount of connections I’ve made here is a surprise for me, too.” Yu paused for a moment and let his gaze wander to the side. “So I have a pretty good idea of what it must feel like for him. And I’m sure he badly needs help from the outside, even though he doesn’t realize and admit it himself.”

Yu wondered if his words sounded as an obviously countering opinion to the one his friend had shared with him at Junes food court in late August.

He raised his gaze back and looked Yosuke in the eye.

“But that doesn’t mean everyone else isn’t important to me,” he said in a confident voice. “I do feel that I belong in the team, really. And I’d never stop caring about any of you no matter what.”

After a short pause, Yosuke’s lips relaxed into a smile.

“..Yeah,” somewhat abashed, Yosuke dropped his eyes and rubbed his neck. “I guess it’s all in my head in the end. Sorry for all this mess here and for making you say all this stuff. And..” He looked up and winked at Yu. “..thanks for choosing to fit in with us all, partner.”

Yu replied with a nod and a smile, choosing to keep the confusion that some of Yosuke’s lines had stirred up in him to himself.


	6. Chapter 6

After coming back from the school trip, Yu visited Junes for 3 days in a row – all to no avail.

On Sunday, once he checked the lobby, he decided to keep his promise to Yosuke and headed to the grocery department to greet him. They talked for a while until Yu offered to help with the promotion stand that his friend was struggling to set up. Yosuke gladly agreed and it was probably this gratefulness that kept him from asking the reason behind Yu’s visit to the store. As well as from pointing out the way he was unconsciously looking around now and then.

Knowing that he probably wouldn’t avoid the questions on Monday and Tuesday, Yu just checked the lobby through the windows from outside Junes.

It was raining on Wednesday but he still came by the store and made sure Adachi wasn’t there before he headed to Aiya’s.

Seeing him in front of Marukyu Tofu on the way to the diner was more than a surprise.

“Adachi-san?” concerned, he looked at the store entrance. “Has something happened here?”

“Hey!” the detective greeted him with a smile after raising his umbrella a little. “Relax, it’s just some stuff on that stalker. It’s been a while, but we had to make sure Rise-san and her family aren’t going to press any charges. Anyway, how was the school trip?”

“I forgot what the city life is like more than I thought I did,” Yu chuckled.

“The contrast’s wild, right? Gee, I still remember how I thought I was going deaf with all this quiet here. I guess I’d actually lose my hearing if I visited a big city again,” Adachi laughed. “So, you heading to the shrine in this eerie weather again, huh?”

Yu shook his head, the image of a shabby ema vivid in his mind.

“To Aiya’s.” He peeked out from his own umbrella to see only a single slightly bent rib of Adachi’s one. “Did you get it fixed?”

“Nah, that’s the one I lent to the kids that time at the shrine. They were nice enough to bring it to the station on the following day.”

“This is what I probably should’ve done with your jacket instead of checking Junes every day,” Yu replied with a chuckle. It was only sincere bewilderment on Adachi’s face that made him realize he probably had to be less straightforward.

“..You mean you stopped by there just in case you’d meet me?”

Yu calmly nodded in response and the detective let out a shaky laugh.

“Hah, you sure are something. I guess you’re lucky to run into me here at last?”

“Yeah. We could walk by the residence and I’d grab your jacket, if you aren’t in a hurry.”

“Sorry, I have to get to the station as fast as possible to report back,” Adachi ruffled his hair. “But hey, you can stop by _my_ house in the evening if you want. You know where it is now, right?”

Startled at the invitation, Yu nodded again.

“The only problem is time, ‘cause I never really know when I’ll get back. I should be at home at around 10 today, but that’s probably too late and..”

“Do you have my cell number?” Yu asked and, seeing the detective’s puzzled look, clarified: “You could let me know when you’re back. I’m okay with any time in the evening, I’m often up late anyway.”

After a couple of moments, Adachi’s face relaxed into a smile.

“Well, the case is closed, so I guess it’s safe to walk around at night again,” he fished his cell phone out of the jacket pocket. “Here, dial yours.”

Once he made himself a call from the detective’s phone, Yu handed it back.

“A smart move. Now I won’t worry about you having to wait for me if I don’t make it in time,” Adachi put the cell phone back in his pocket. “Well, see you in the evening then. Gotta go.”

“Till evening.”

Following Adachi with his eyes, Yu couldn’t stop seeing and hearing the words on the ema in his mind. After thinking about it for the past few days, he settled on the idea that the detective must have been still shocked from his transfer when he wrote the message. That was the only possibility that let the words make at least some sense; and it was a very likely one, too.

He took out his cell from the pants pocket and saved the number of the recent missed call. The new contact automatically jumped up to the very top of the contact list and Yu found himself not minding that at all. He glanced in the direction Adachi went in once again and then started walking up the street, heading to Aiya’s diner.

 

***

 

When at 9 in the evening the phone on his work table buzzed, Yu took the call without even looking at the screen, but didn’t expect to hear Yosuke’s voice.

“Hey, partner. Busy doing homework, huh?”

“Hey. Actually, just finished it.”

“You.. don’t mean that huge math assignment I’ve been struggling with for two hours now, do you?”

Yu chuckled: he could almost see his friend’s face screwed up in revulsion.

“I do.”

“Dude, where do you get the energy for all this stuff? I’m gonna use the ‘still tired from the trip’ card to cover for all my mess-ups till the end of the week,” Yosuke snickered, but a mere moment later his voice turned serious. “..You think we should check the Midnight Channel tonight?”

Yu glanced at the window, the rain loudly pattering against it, and then shifted his gaze to the clocks on the wall. He was sure he’d be back by midnight even if Adachi called him at 10.

“I’m uneasy about Naoto,” he said with a nod. “So yeah, let’s check it out just in case.”

There was a short pause on the other end.

“..You, uh, wanna come over then? I mean, we’ll need to stay up late anyway. And I honestly could use your help with that assignment, too, hah..”

Even though he didn’t see Yosuke’s face, closing his eyes made declining the sudden offer feel a little easier.

“Sorry, Yosuke. Maybe some other time.”

“..Yeah, never mind,” Yosuke’s nonchalant intonations sounded somewhat forced. “I’ll figure it out somehow.”

“I’ll give you a call after midnight then,” Yu added after an awkward pause.

“Okay. But let’s hope nothing shows up.”

Guilt somewhat weighing him down, Yu hung up the call.

He didn’t even put the phone away when it buzzed again. This time it was a text from Adachi, telling that he’d be at home in about 20 minutes. Figuring that it was around the same amount of time he needed to get to his house too, Yu picked up a plastic bag with the jacket, which he’d prepared beforehand, and headed downstairs.

 

***

 

“Wow, you’re fast,” after opening the front door of his house, Adachi stepped aside allowing Yu to come in. “I just got back myself.”

“I thought that the sooner I leave, the sooner you’ll be able to rest.”

“And that’s definitely not because you’ve got plans of your own,” Adachi playfully raised an eyebrow and chuckled. “Actually, I hoped you’d keep me company and have something that’d be a dinner for me and a late snack for you. What do you say?”

Startled yet again, Yu didn’t think long before nodding.

“Sure. If you’re fine with it.”

“I wouldn’t have offered it if I weren’t,” the detective smiled and watched Yu put the umbrella in the bin next to his own identical one. “And I still got to thank you for the last time, by the way.”

“Did that briefing go okay?” Yu asked after he toed off his shoes.

“Well, uh, as usual,” Adachi smiled sheepishly while taking off his jacket. “At the very least, I didn’t get any extra scolding for improper looks.”

When Yu put off his blazer and hung it on a hallstand, Adachi gestured to the right.

Following him, Yu stepped into what was the only room in the house. Out of habit he spotted a TV first – a model resembling those in the Junes electronics department. A low table with two cushions on its opposite sides, a bed, and a nightstand – all looked a lot fresher than literally everything in Dojima’s house he already got used to seeing everyday.

“Have a seat, I’ll be right back.”

As Yu nodded, put the plastic bag on the floor, and set down at the table, Adachi left the jacket on his bed and headed to the adjacent kitchen. When he turned on the lights in it, Yu could see that the kitchen matched the modern style of the room and was just as clean and tidy.

“Something the matter?” the detective got back after heating up two trays of premade food he took from the fridge.

Yu smiled and shook his head.

“It’s just that there’s a city-like feel in here.”

“Well, the rent’s lower here than in the city anyway, so I tried to find something more or less decent-looking when moving in,” Adachi sat down right across and put one of the trays with soba and fried vegetables in front out Yu. “There aren’t many houses like that here, though.”

“I wouldn’t have expected to be any at all,” Yu took a pair of chopsticks the detective handed him over the table. “Can’t say I’ve been to many homes here, but most of my friends have interiors similar to uncle’s.”

His gaze on the food tray, Adachi chuckled.

“It’s strange, but I actually like your place, y’know. Can’t imagine living in one like that myself but whenever I visit, it feels nice.”

Yu was sure the detective in fact knew the reason behind this, so he chose not to point out or explain the concept of ‘home’.

“And I can’t imagine uncle keeping the house this neat on his own,” Yu let out a laugh, picking out a few pieces of mushrooms. “He’s not exactly the household type.”

“Hah, am I though? I just rarely use anything in the kitchen and simply spend the nights in here. That’s the whole secret.”

While eating, Yu let his gaze wander over the room and silently admitted that any sort of a desk or a shelf or anything else that would imply any activity was absent.

“I don’t really have the time for anything besides work now,” the detective was lazily picking food from the tray, showing no signs of actual appetite. “So don’t be surprised to see nothing interesting in here.”

Not wanting to appear intrusive, Yu stopped his inspection and turned back to the tray in front of him.

“You had any interests before?”

It seemed as if the detective were chewing on the question along with the food for a while.

“I loved reading when I was a kid,” he answered at last, eyes fixed on the tray. “I wasn’t very sociable and read everything I could get my hands on instead. Hurt my eyesight so bad I had to wear glasses in high school.”

“You don’t read now?” Yu raised an eyebrow and watched a weary smile tug on the detective’s lips as he slowly shook his head.

“High school and academy made me hate it. You can’t keep on loving something you’re constantly forced to do. And expected to sacrifice sleep for it, too,” he shrugged. “Besides, the more you read, the more picky you become. At some point I just felt that it’s getting tough for me to get hooked on the books I started.”

“Maybe those were wrong books,” Yu suggested, but got another shrug in reply.

“Maybe, but I gave up searching for the right ones. And now I simply don’t think I have the energy for this search,” Adachi motioned to his left, at the black TV. “I just occasionally watch whatever they show there until I’m starting to pass out. Adult life sets your priorities for you, I guess. So enjoy it while you can set them on your own.”

The phrase scratched Yu’s mind, bringing back the memory of a conversation with Yosuke during the trip, and he drew his lower lip between his teeth.

“..Did I say something wrong?”

The change in his expression was probably too evident.

“No, it’s..”

Yu stopped himself from shuffling the things under the rug mid sentence. He knew that if he expected Adachi to open up to him, he had to stay open, too. Even if it meant sharing things that involved the detective himself to some extent.

“I‘ve recently realized that I have troubles setting priorities,” he said on an outward breath.

“Huh? How’s that?”

Once he made the first step, Yu realized that he felt absolutely comfortable with the idea of sharing his thoughts with Adachi – but sensed a twinge of conscience because of this yet again. He hadn’t managed to openly discuss the issue while talking to Yosuke a week ago and had never thought about bringing it up to anyone else later.

“I’m not insisting or anything,” the detective raised his hand in a ‘just-so-you-know’ gesture, mistaking Yu’s pause for reluctance to talk. “You do look distressed, but if you don’t wanna talk about it, it’s fine.”

For some reason, Yu found this lack of pressure even more comforting.

He quietly exhaled.

“I once told you how I feel about my interactions with other people here, remember?”

“You mean, how you believe you’re not actually helping them out?”

Yu nodded and went on.

“That time, you said that I’m doing enough by being the only person who they can honestly talk about their problems.”

“I still think so, yes.”

“So, if I’m this ‘special person’ for all of my friends, it’s only normal for them to want _me_ to see them in a similar way. And they _are_ all equally special to me,” Yu furrowed his brow. “But I feel like I’m starting to make choices that leave them feeling they are not.”

Finished with his food, the detective put the chopsticks and the tray aside.

“Haven’t you been making these choices up until now?”

Yu lifted an eyebrow.

“I mean, you do hang out with some of them more often than with others, right?”

“..I try to balance everything out,” Yu answered, uncertain.

"By balancing you surely don’t mean you mark the time you spend with every person in a notebook and only accept or decline various invitations based on what you have jotted down? That would just make your feelings fake, right?” Adachi shrugged. “I also bet you spend time with some of them more eagerly than with others, even if you don’t easily acknowledge it.”

Seeing Yu’s confusion, the detective laughed.

“C’mon, kid, that’s just normal. ‘Equally special’? There’s no such thing. It’s okay to be more comfortable around some people than around others. Besides, your friends are all very different people. You realize that being on equal terms with them all doesn’t do you any credit?”

“..Why?”

“Are you serious?” Adachi failed to stifle a laugh. “It’s simply impossible to cater to literally everyone. You know how they say that people you surround yourself with reflect your ‘self’? Think about it: being close to all kinds of people would mean you don’t have this ‘self’ at all.”

His eyes fixed on the food tray and brow slightly furrowed, Yu was silent for a few moments. Then he looked up.

“Is it so wrong to try to be nice to everyone, no matter what people they are?”

“You mean, you want to hurt absolutely no one with your actions and always be a good friend to all the different people around you?”

Yu nodded.

“I do.”

Holding his gaze and showing no emotions at all, Adachi didn’t say anything for a few moments. Yu was already going to say something to break the silence when the detective collected their trays and chopsticks, slowly got up, and left for the kitchen.

He returned back in somewhat less than a minute with two cans of beer in his hands. When Adachi put one of the beers in front of him, Yu intended to politely pass on the drink, but the next phrase made him reconsider.

“This may sound a little unrelated, but.. you wanna hear that story about why I was transferred from the city?”

Stunned, Yu lifted his gaze from the can to the detective sitting right across him. By the strain in the voice and tension in the shoulders, he could tell that the topic was extremely unpleasant for Adachi. And the fact that a large amount of effort was being put in overcoming this unpleasantness just to let him in on the story seemed almost breathtaking.

“If you’re okay sharing it, sure,” he nodded after a short pause.

The detective opened his beer, took a gulp, and smiled, motioning at the can he put near Yu.

“Help yourself. Just don’t tell Dojima-san, okay?”

After a mere moment of hesitation Yu nodded, opened the can, and took a sip of a bitter drink too. As if satisfied with this, Adachi leaned his right elbow on the table and fixed his eyes on its wooden surface.

“By the way, he already told you once that I got pretty good grades when I graduated from the academy, right?” he chuckled and shook his head. “Well, it’s not actually as easy as he made it sound. Thanks to those grades, I stood out and got a place at one of the city’s largest regional stations five years ago and a year later was promoted to the detective department.”

Adachi picked up his can and brought it to his lips again. Yu mirrored the action without thinking.

“Rookies like me were encouraged to look into the station’s pile of cold cases first. I took the one with three unrelated deaths from overdosing on the same drug. Opium-related crimes were on the rise that year, my case was just one of a few dozens,” Adachi closed his eyes for a moment and let out a snicker. “I guess I was just ‘lucky’ to pick the most controversial one.”

Yu decided to let the detective choose the pace for the story on his own and didn’t follow up with a ‘why’.

“The cold cases were more like private projects than an actual assignment, though. I mean, we weren’t paid for working on them and had to perform regular duties as usual. No one forced anyone into starting this little project, officially. But not having one was always met with open disapproval,” he shrugged. “Typical double standards of the adult working environment.”

Adachi made a short pause to take a sip from the can.

“It was pretty common to quietly put the case back on the shelf in about half a year or so. That’s what the other two guys, who were promoted along with me, eventually did. No one minded if you at least showed you tried because in the end, the whole cold-case system was meant to show rookies the importance of knowing when to stop.” He sneered a little. “Well, that and to get them used to unpaid overtiming.”

“You didn’t abandon your case,” Yu assumed before bringing a can to his lips.

With a tired smile, Adachi nodded.

“I was stupid enough to continue working on it for whole 3 years. Sure I wanted to give it all up and step away from the case millions of times. But then each time I’d think about all the stuff I’d already done – legwork, hundreds of phone calls, questioning of people, whom I had to run to earth first, all the risky job undercover…” he sighed and ruffled his hair. “The more progress I was making, the harder it was to proceed, but somehow it also felt more difficult to put the case aside at that point than to go on with it.”

Despite himself, Yu remembered his uncle’s words about ‘not doing enough’.

“A year ago, in August, I finally tracked things back to a large private hospital and found a suspect – a physician around Dojima-san’s age, with two small kids and a wife. The evidence showed he was involved in counterfeiting hospital documentation. No direct and undeniable links to the drugs stuff, but I was convinced I could get the necessary info after an interrogation. So I made a request for the case to be officially reopened.”

After taking one more gulp of beer, the detective put the can down and started to lazily trace the thin border on its top with his index finger.

“The higher-ups assigned me to lead the investigation and gave me a group of three more people in support – two older officers I barely knew and a guy my age, one of those two who backed down on their projects pretty fast. In a few weeks, we prepared all the documents, received an arrest warrant, and detained the suspect for questioning.”

His gaze glued to the can, Adachi didn’t talk for a while. When he spoke up again, his voice was almost toneless.

“I actually used to get along pretty well with that age mate. Wouldn’t call it ‘friendship’, but he was the person who talked to me more than anyone else at the station. He hit it well with the others too, because he had this..” Adachi paused as if struggling with a word, “..talent of drawing people together. So while I was in charge of the case, everyone considered him the real leader. And I didn’t mind that as long as we all did our job.”

Yu wasn’t sure if this was the parallel that had made the detective bring up the story but didn’t think it was the right time to ask.

“There wasn’t much we could do after we detained that doctor, though. The guy didn’t deny the counterfeiting thing, but refused to tell the purpose and other details. He probably knew that his charge would bring him a fine at worst, so no matter how much we questioned him for entire two weeks, he didn’t talk.”

Adachi picked up his can from the table again.

“During those two weeks, his wife used to come to our station every single day. She looked absolutely miserable and pleaded to see her husband. But since she worked as a nurse at the same hospital and might as well have been involved, we couldn’t take risks.”

“Is all this legal?” Yu took a gulp from the can. “The restrictions, I mean.”

“Yep. It’s always just the matter of proving that certain things are necessary for investigation in court. At first, we were only allowed to have that doctor detained for ten days, but got the detention time prolonged to the maximum of twenty three.”

“And the isolation?”

“It’s up for the investigative group to decide if any contact can be allowed.” Adachi shrugged. “The ‘leader’ guy was actually the one who said that keeping the doc from contacting anyone would not only be safe, but also help ‘crack him faster”. The others agreed, especially after the guy volunteered to deal with the suspect’s wife.”

Yu raised an eyebrow.

“Deal?”

“Well, uh, not in some grim meaning, no,” Adachi shook his head with a chuckle. “Every time she came to the station, he would just bring her some coffee, tell her he understands, then make a helpless gesture, and send her to ‘the guy in charge’,” an exhausted smile tug on his lips. “So almost every day I would look that woman in the eye, say ‘we can’t allow that’, and then quietly listen to her go about what a heartless bastard I am for about fifteen minutes in a row.”

“Why send her to you at all?” Yu asked, his brow knitted.

Adachi just flashed another sad smile at him.

“Somebody had to be the bad guy.”

Still confused, Yu was about to contradict but stopped himself. Proving people from someone else’s past wrong seemed utterly meaningless.

With a quiet sigh he just reached for the can again.

“Anyway, when those twenty three days were almost over, the guy came by my apartment in the evening,” the detective continued, lowering his gaze to the table again. “He talked about how frustrated he was with the entire situation, how we were going to lose the last lead on the case, how all the efforts of our team would be wasted, and how the suspect definitely had the info we needed. I couldn’t disagree with him on any of that,” he paused again for a moment. “That’s when he suggested applying ‘strict’ questioning methods.”

Anticipating Yu’s question, Adachi clarified: “And _that’s_ not really legal.”

Yu put his beer down and, with his arms on the table, patiently waited for the detective to resume his story.

“We were arguing for an hour before I caved in. Declined to be directly involved in the process of this sort of questioning, but said I’d be present. I _had_ to be, since I was officially in charge. He was okay with performing the interrogation itself.”

Adachi sounded completely calm, but Yu believed there was a lot of suppressed emotions behind this composure. _Hoped_ there was, since it would've only been natural.

“He also agreed not to resort to hostility and leave as little evidence of our questioning as possible. But in the end, he got out of control and things were a little too messy and tough to even look at. I tried to calm him down several times, when I thought the doc would pass out, but he just told me to stay out of it.”

Yu finally noticed something resembling a frown on the detective’s face when Adachi was taking another gulp of beer, but once the can hit the table, the expression was blank again.

“After my fourth attempt to stop him, the guy snapped and started spouting everything he – and the others in the station, I figure – thought of me.” His eyes wandering over the wooden surface, Adachi pillowed his head on the leaning right hand. “Mocked me for “not having a life” and working my ass off on a “dumb cold case” for almost four years. Said that everyone in the entire station found my ambitions ridiculous. Laughed at how totally useless I was in the questioning, called me a “good-for-nothing leader”… Stuff like that.”

After reciting every ugly thing he’d heard about himself, Adachi just shrugged, unfazed, making Yu curl up his fingers.

“In a few hours, he did break the suspect after all and got a name. We left soon after making sure the doctor was okay.. more or less. He sure didn't look like any sort of okay.”

Yu swallowed hard at his own conjecture.

“Did he-..?”

“No, no, he’s fine,” with a shake of his head, Adachi dispelled Yu’s worries before even hearing them to the end. “Otherwise, I wouldn’t be in any line of work at all right now, hah.”

The detective brought the can to his lips again.

“But I was called to the chief officer’s room first thing in the morning the following day. Turned out, someone already let the doc’s wife see him and she was ranting and raging with threats to involve lawyers and bring the entire station down. And me personally, as the initiator and the only executant of the rough interrogation.”

In absolute confusion, Yu contacted his brows.

“The suspect testified I was alone,” Adachi explained with a weak smile. “Just like his wife did, insisting she saw me leave the room on my own. I’m pretty sure she wasn’t even at the station at 11 pm, but one of the guys on my team confirmed she was,” he shrugged. “And well, I was the bastard who declined her pleadings so many times. I think she found it easy to agree to this little lie in exchange for finally meeting her husband. Who probably had the other side of the deal,” still smiling, he fixed his eyes on Yu. “I don’t have to tell you who arranged all this, do I?”

Yu was silently holding Adachi’s gaze, trying to discern something beside the undisguised exhaustion in it.

“I was given five days and had to show some outstanding results, or they’d have had no reason to cover for me. I asked for some more time, because five days is literally nothing for an investigation, but the chief said that if I really had the “talent for the job”, this time was more than enough.”

“They didn’t plan to cover for you from the start, so they just gave you the impossible task,” Yu muttered, staring at the table.

“Kinda. But I didn’t see it like that then and felt like I could change something. I looked into that name and learned that the guy was on the board of directors of at least three private hospitals in the city, including the one where that doctor and his wife worked.” Adachi picked up his beer. “After connecting some dots, I realized he most likely imported opium-based stuff for his patients and cleaned up on some part of it on a side market. But that’s it. I didn’t have enough evidence to prove it and didn’t have time to get it.”

His lips tight, Yu slowly reached for the half-empty can in front of him, but didn’t lift it from the table and was just blankly looking at it.

“Besides, even if I did get the evidence, I knew that dealing with that big shot meant cutting down the supply of painkillers for those patients who needed them. Even during the interrogation I was grasping at the thought that it was all for some greater ‘good’ and ‘truth’. But in the end, I was no longer sure. I felt like I’d just end up being a bad guy again, and that thought somehow bugged me enough at that time to tie me up completely.”

Yu’s tightened grip on the can caused a quiet crackling sound.

“Five days later, I said I got nothing. The chief expressed his disappointment and asked if that was the progress my ‘team’ was capable of,” the detective breathed out a laugh. “Without getting into details, I said I’d worked alone and received a similar comment on my leadership skills that I had heard earlier from that guy. Who was assigned to take the case a few days later, in my stead.”

Yu raised his eyes back to Adachi’s face.

“Why didn’t you try to tell the truth to anyone?”

“The ‘truth’, huh,” the detective couldn’t stifle a chuckle. “It wouldn’t have gotten me anywhere, kid. That guy had the support of both ‘witnesses’ – because of the deal –, and of all the people at the station – because he had that charisma or something. And I still couldn’t deny it was me, who gave the permission, after all. So everyone would’ve just laughed at how pathetic I was, trying to take somebody else down with me.” The detective shrugged, smiling weakly. “Although, they probably laughed anyway when the guy closed the case by the end of December and got a promotion notice in January. The same day I learned about my transfer here. Where no one knows about that hushed-up incident.”

Yu heard the detective let out a sigh, but didn’t feel like it conveyed any of the real heaviness that he believed had to be behind the layer of the overwhelming numbness.

“I shouldn’t have given that permission – that’s my mistake, I guess,” Adachi summed up. “I knew from the start that I’d be the one to blame, because I was the head of the team, and realized that it’d completely erase the value of my previous progress with the case. But I also wanted to be the good guy who found the bad guy. And even though I was a pathetic leader, I didn’t want our collective efforts of the previous months to go to waste. Just as that guy didn’t.”

With his eyes glued to the table, the detective breathed out a laugh, and for the first time Yu could feel a hint of sincere frustration in it.

“I only talked to him in person once after that. Right before the transfer,” Adachi's lips curled up unnaturally. “He said he was sorry it all turned out like that, but believed he did the right thing. Said that if not for him, we would’ve lost the case. And that I, as a leader, had to contribute by taking responsibility.”

The detective's forced smile lingered, but the voice he spoke in a moment later was devoid of emotions completely.

“..At times, I also think I should’ve just performed that interrogation myself. Whatever I was fighting for back then was stupid, but if I did believe in it, I might’ve as well gone all out. It wouldn’t have changed the state of things at large, yes. But I probably wouldn’t feel so-...”

In the end, he simply trailed off, leaving what Yu expected to be an important part unsaid.

As if hoping that it will prompt Adachi to finish his thought after all, Yu didn’t say anything for a while. Yet in almost a minute of silence, the detective just rested his chin in his palm and chuckled.

“Hey, that's it? I actually thought you’d be exasperated by how unidealistic this whole story is.”

The usual laid-back tone was back again, and Yu couldn’t but feel somewhat confused and disheartened.

“I wish saying at least something could change your situation,” eyes half-closed, he exhaled heavily. “But I know that sadly, it won’t.”

With another short laugh, Adachi let his gaze wander to the side.

“It’s not just my situation, you know. The world of adults loves this ‘leadership’ talent, saying that work with different kinds of people is important and tough. But truth is, everyone just wants someone else to make decisions for them and ‘take one for the team’ in case something goes wrong. So there’s that.”

The detective locked his eyes on Yu and lowered his voice a little.

“You say you want to be everyone’s friend and make “right” choices that hurt no one at all. But reality is all about conflicting views and interests. And one of the two lessons that case taught me is that even if you strive to do good stuff, someone will always get hurt. It might be someone who deserves it, someone who doesn’t.” He paused but didn’t break the eye contact. “And it might be you.”

“What's the other lesson?” Yu asked, holding the stare.

Adachi was silent for what felt to be too long for a regular pause.

“You may believe you’re searching for the ‘truth’. But this 'truth’ may turn out distorted enough you wish you never learned it.”

Using Yu's confusion, the detective took the last gulp of his beer and put it back on the table.

“Well, that’s the end of my lame story, Yu-kun,” he concluded, “I hope now you'll accept that there isn’t really a way you can ‘help’ me or anything.”

Yu didn't even think twice before confidently shaking his head.

“I never promised to accept that.”

The detective blinked in sheer bewilderment.

“I can’t do anything about what happened, just as you can’t,” Yu went on, the image of Adachi’s ema vividly reappearing in his mind. “But I’d like to help you move on.”

Adachi stayed silent for a few seconds. Then he closed his eyes and burst out laughing.

“Hey, can I ask you that question once again?” he looked straight at Yu, eyebrows bent and lips still curled in a surprised smile. “Why are you so fixated on doing this? I mean, you’ve got enough problems on your hands as it is, right? Does helping me somehow help you set the priorities with your friends or something?”

Yu decided to go for a completely honest answer.

“If anything, it makes it even more difficult.”

Just when Adachi was about to counter with a ‘see?’, he continued.

“When I mentioned the choices earlier, I meant the ones I’ve been doing in _your_ favor.”

Vaguely realizing that he was saying the words aloud faster than they appeared in his head, Yu blamed a half-empty can of beer for that. But couldn’t do much about it.

“I’ve been thinking about your question for a while. Some of my friends asked me the same 'why’, too. And though I always answer what I think is true, I always wonder if that's all there is to it.” He fixed his eyes on the detective’s face. “What I know for a fact is that I’ve somehow been more comfortable choosing to spend time with you than with the others lately.”

Adachi shook his head with another chuckle.

“You aren’t making any sense here, kid. You've said it yourself that you want to treat everyone equally.”

“I do want to,” he admitted. “But for some reason, it doesn’t work with you.”

Adachi lifted an eyebrow.

“What are you trying to say?”

If Yu was trying anything, it was to understand the situation better by talking it through aloud. But the more he talked about his own perspective, the more the word ‘obsessed’, used by Yosuke without any ill or probably even serious intention, seemed fitting.

The conclusion he came to left him dizzy.

“..I think I might have some sort of different feelings for you,” he said, looking down at the table surface and furrowing his brow in shock from his own revelation.

In the moment of silence that filled the room, Yu could hear his own quiet breathing, which soon was outvoiced by the sound of Adachi’s laugh.

Still leaning on his right elbow, the detective covered the upper part of his face with the right palm, and Yu could only see his lips, shaping a slightly crooked smile.

“ ‘Different feelings’, huh?” Adachi lowered his hand, once he somewhat recovered from laughter. “Kid, do you even understand what you’re saying now? I’m a guy. And 11 years older than you, remember?”

Yu was well aware of it all, but still couldn’t go back on his words.

Even after half a minute of silence he was too dumbfounded and dizzy from the thoughts in his head to pay attention to the detective getting to his feet and slowly making a few steps round the small table.

Yu only realized that Adachi moved closer when he heard the voice in immediate proximity.

“Well, well, what an unexpected turn of events…”

After turning his head to the left, where the voice was coming from, Yu saw the detective sitting next to him, the weird smile still on the lips. The next moment Adachi stretched out his right hand and gently put it on Yu’s shoulder, causing a confused shiver.

When the detective slowly leaned in and lowered his voice, Yu couldn’t help but take a sharp breath.

“Guess I can congratulate myself on getting my first-in-a-long-while confession, huh?”

The grip of the hand on his shoulder getting stronger and Adachi’s words almost brushing against his skin, Yu was steadily losing control of his own heartbeat and the situation in the whole. His mind was reeling, unable to catch up with all the twists and turns of the last few minutes. The words he heard were reverberating in his head but didn’t make much sense.

“And from who? A kid, who just so happens to be a local popular ‘good guy’, a nephew of my senior coworker, and a-..”

Yu swallowed hard at the sensation of the detective’s cheek right against his own.

“.. _-hypocritical brat I’m so sick of already._ ”

Adachi hissed the words in Yu’s ear before ruthlessly pushing him down on the floor and forcing himself on top the very next second.

Yu’s eyes flied wide open and fixed on the contorted features of the face above him.

“Do you have _any idea_ of just how fed up I am with you?!” the detective’s hand shifted from the shoulder to the collar of Yu’s polo shirt, roughly grabbing onto it. “Trying to be everybody’s best friend, always making a saint and a hero of yourself, willing to ‘help’ me with my ‘problems’,” he narrowed his eyes. “What do you _know_ about my problems? You’ve never been through anything like it and you won’t ever have to!”

Shocked, Yu was gazing hard at the detective’s dark eyes that were piercing through him with utter hatred and rage.

“Let me tell you what these ‘feelings’ you’re mumbling about are,” Adachi squinted and almost spit the words out: “It’s _pity_. And I don’t need it from anyone, but especially – not from you.”

Yu couldn’t say he felt no compassion, but he knew there was more to it than just that. Were it mere pity, he wouldn’t have been so overwhelmed by the proximity he was forced into.

Before he could even think this through, Yu heard himself speak.

“That’s not it,” he was still looking Adachi straight in the eye. “It’s not pity.”

His jaw set, the detective bared his teeth in a snarl, and Yu could feel the fingers on his shirt clench even harder.

“Are you mocking me?” Anger was literally blazing in Adachi’s eyes. “You’re friends with the inn princess and a goddamn idol. You could’ve gotten that Junes brat your way too, if you so wanted, just because it’s _you_. But that’s _too easy_ for you, so you come with some stupid cheesy affection to _me_?!”

Yu didn’t have enough time to retort as the detective’s hand pulled him up from the floor, bridging the distance between their faces to a minimum.

“So desperate for something ‘complicated’? Fine,” Adachi was still speaking through his teeth and Yu could only vaguely feel the warm breath with his skin. “But if it’s some sort of experience you’re looking for, then sorry to disappoint. Don’t have much myself.”

Willing to say something and calm the detective down, Yu opened his mouth only to immediately have it shut with a violent kiss.

His eyes widened as he felt Adachi’s ravenous bites on his lips, fingers digging in the skin under the shirt collar. The next moment the detective’s other hand seized Yu by the hair on the back of his head and mercilessly tugged at it, causing a slight shoot of pain that spread over the whole body in a fervor wave.

In all the dizziness and shock Yu didn’t even notice when his back hit the floor again. He only realized he’s sprawled out when the other man’s knees pressed his hips from the sides and the right hand shifted from the collar to the bottom of his shirt.

The cold touch of a palm on his abdomen was almost electrifying. Yu sensed a surge of shivering encompass him all over, trying to knock out what little was left of his rational thoughts. On a pure reflex, he arched back when the cold fingers crawled up and grazed against the skin of his chest.

All this time Adachi didn’t stop from ferociously biting Yu’s lips, forcing him to struggle for breath and only breaking contact to make rare, sharp inhales himself. Scratching the skin around the collarbone, the fingers of the detective’s right hand were leaving red marks, while the other hand was still roughly tugging at the gray hair. Too many sensations at once made it impossible for Yu’s spinning mind to even register them all.

The moment the body weight above pressed tight against his thighs, Yu gave in completely. Instincts telling him to find something to clench onto, he raised his right hand and found the knot of Adachi’s tie. Yanking at it with his index and middle fingers, he shut his eyes, bent at the waist, and lunged in for the kiss on his own.

The detective broke the contact immediately and glared down at Yu’s face, petrified.

“..What did you just do?” he asked in a low voice, his breath still recovering.

Fervent and breathless, Yu was just panting and returning the stunned gaze.

“What. did you. just. do?” Adachi repeated louder. “I drag you on the floor, force myself on you, and _that’s_ how you react?!”

Yu slowly let go of the tie and didn’t know what to say. He didn’t expect that from himself either.

“Why didn’t you even try to stop me?” The detective hissed, as he grabbed Yu by his shirt again, trying to shake some sense into him. “Why didn’t you push me away?!”

Peering into the dark eyes above him, Yu noticed something different in them; something behind the flame of anger that probably had long been there, but became so obvious only after Adachi finally snapped.

“You’re in pain,” he said, furrowing his brow and administering the fact he was absolutely confident in.

Adachi bared his teeth again.

“I said I don’t need any of your pitiful bullshit, brat. I asked you why you didn’t even try to resist!”

Yu tried to contemplate with as much sobriety as his mind was capable of at the moment. Still feverish, he could feel his heart race, chest heave, and lips burn.

“I didn’t want to,” he replied, trying to face the truth he put into his own words.

Squinting, the detective was glowering at Yu, a complex mix of exasperation, rage, dismay and anguish on his face.

A few moments later he abruptly let go of the shirt and started to get back to his feet. Towering above Yu, who slowly sat up on the floor, Adachi smoothed the tie and shot an empty glare at him.

“Get out.”

The voice was flat and toneless yet again.

Yu didn’t move and was desperately trying to comprehend the emotional storm he’d witnessed and experienced firsthand, to grasp the meaning behind everything the detective had said in the last 20 minutes, and to find the right words to get through to him.

“I said get. out. Go find your thrills in some other place and leave me the hell alone.”

Feeling a thick wall between himself and Adachi, Yu closed his eyes in defeat, accepting the fact that breaking through it at the moment was impossible.

He slowly got to his feet too, adjusted the clothes, and silently headed to the small entrance hall. Once Yu slipped into his shoes and put on his blazer, he took the umbrella from the bin and glanced in the direction of the room for one last time before closing the door from the outside.

While standing at the porch, he opened the umbrella and bit his lip at the sight of a bent rib. He was still hazily contemplating whether he should return or leave it all as is, when he heard the door lock shut behind him. With no options left, Yu heaved a sigh, raised Adachi’s umbrella and stepped under the rain.

Partially trying not to think about anything, partially not yet being able to, Yu was walking in some sort of a daze when he felt his phone buzz. He stopped, got the cell out of his pocket and heard a loud voice just after bringing it to his ear.

“You saw that, Yu?! That’s Naoto, right?”

Guilt snowballing, crawling up, and getting stuck in his throat, Yu shut his eyes. He’d forgotten about the time and the Midnight channel altogether as soon as Adachi brought up his past, and he hardly had an excuse for that.

“..Wait, you.. aren’t home now?”

The surprise in Yosuke’s voice made it all feel even worse.

“I’m on my way back, I’ll explain later, sorry.” Yu knew he’d have to lie anyway, but doing that at the moment was beyond what his conscious could handle. “Was Naoto really there?”

“I.. guess, yeah,” Yosuke still sounded confused and Yu couldn’t blame him. “We can check with Kanji and the others in the morning, but I think it’s him.”

“Then we’ll meet after school and do what we always do.”

“Yeah,” the usual vigor was back in Yosuke’s voice for a second, but then got replaced by a yawn. “..Till morning, partner. That math assignment was horrible, I’m off to bed now.”

Yu smiled weakly.

“Night then.”

“Mhm, night.”

After hanging up, Yu was just standing and staring at the phone screen for a while. Then he closed it, put in the back pocket of his pants, and continued the slow walk home under the pouring rain. He was almost sure the night was going to slowly merge with the morning for him anyway, as he would barely be able to have any sleep at all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Coming up with Adachi's case-related backstory took me a while last fall. I had too many conditions in my head that I wanted to fulfill but they were often conflicting. "A *tiny* mistake" was one of them and I guess what I went for in the end can't truly be called 'tiny', hah... But building up some drama felt (still feels) more important, so welp.


	7. Chapter 7

“You don’t look so good.”

Once he put his school bag down on the floor near his desk, Yu turned to the right and met Chie’s troubled look. He’d been to Naoto’s base every afternoon for the past three days while still trying to keep up with homework and translating for cash on the inventory in the evenings, so he might have indeed gotten himself a little exhausted.

“You sure you aren’t pushing yourself too hard? We can make a small break, you know.”

Yu didn’t believe he deserved a break, not after forgetting about Naoto. Fatigue made him feel better, as if it were tangible proof of his remorse and concern.

Holding Chie’s gaze, Yu thought about how she would’ve probably understood the reason for his restlessness, had he brought it up. After all, she’d been in a somewhat similar situation, when she’d rushed things with Yukiko because of her guilt and worry. She didn’t need anyone to tell her about the willingness to compensate your own mistakes with actions.

But Yu had to admit that there was more to his emotions than just guilt. He wanted not only to redeem, but also to dissolve himself in action completely. Taking a break meant getting time for thinking about things he didn’t want to think about just yet.

To explain all this to Chie, he had to either go into the details he would’ve never shared with anyone, or lie.

Plastering a believable smile on his face, Yu shook his head.

“It’s okay, don’t worry. I feel fine.”

This was the only kind of lie he could allow himself.

 

***

 

The evening they finally saved Naoto, Yu was surprised to not see his uncle back from work. With Yukiko, Rise, Kanji, and even Mitsuo, it had always been the same: the police would close the case on the very day their team got the missing person out of the TV, and Dojima would get home early.

“..Did your dad call?” he asked Nanako while taking his shoes off.

“Mmhm. He said there was some “progress”, so he won’t come home tonight.”

Nanako’s eyes were glued to the TV screen with yet another quiz show, but Yu could hear disappointment in her voice.

“He didn’t say what progress? Like someone being found?”

“Uh-uh, he doesn’t tell me this kind of stuff. He just said that if everything goes okay this time, then everyone in town will be safe.”

Yu’s eyebrows snapped together. Sounded like Dojima meant the progress on the kidnapping cases in general, but he had no idea where the clues could’ve come from. If there were any, Naoto would’ve known, but they still had to wait for a few days until she recovered.

He shook his head, trying to make peace with uncertainty for the time being.

“If it’s uncle, he can do it, right?” Yu smiled and came up to the fridge to inspect the contents.

“Yeah, he said Adachi-san’s helping him, too.”

Despite himself Yu froze: he didn’t say or hear the detective’s name for almost two weeks and it caught him off guard.

It also made him realize that Dojima would always bring Adachi along with him on days like this, after closing the case, to celebrate. Although with all the circumstances, Yu doubted the detective would ever agree to visit their house again.

Feeling breath catch in his throat, he shook his head again, this time trying to repel unnecessary memories.

“Hey, you had dinner already?” he turned back to Nanako.

“Are you going to cook?” Nanako’s eyes lightened up as she turned away from the TV screen.

“Yeah, the fridge is full, so why not.”

“I’ve been out shopping today,” Nanako nodded proudly and got up to her feet. “Can I help?”

“Sure,” he started to get some stuff from the fridge on the table. “We can even make a boxed dinner for your dad and take it to the station later,” he looked at Nanako with a warm smile. “What do you think?”

“Really?! That’d be _awesome_!”

Yu smiled again and closed the fridge.

 

***

 

When he and Nanako arrived at the station, Yu still had nothing resembling a plan or a specific intention in his head. The whole idea was so spontaneous he didn’t fully realize why he voiced it at all. Yet hearing Nanako’s happy hum while they were passing through the station’s main entrance made him think that this alone was probably a good enough reason to come.

After asking the front desk officer for navigation, they headed to the station’s old elevator that took them to the top fourth floor. Nanako looked around in an almost empty long hallway and smiled.

“Oh, I remember this floor! Daddy used to take me here a few times.”

“Do you know where his office is?” Yu asked, smiling back.

“Yeah, it’s there!”

Nanako dashed forward, leading the way, and Yu followed her.

He was almost a dozen steps behind when she pointed to the right of the staircase at the end of the hallway and disappeared around the corner. A moment later he heard the sound of an opened door and a puzzled familiar voice.

“Nanako-chan? What are you doing here?”

Rooted to the spot, Yu admitted he had no idea how Adachi would react to seeing him in person again.

“We’ve made a lunchbox for dad and come here to give it to him!”

“..‘We’?”

Realizing that he couldn’t remain in the blind spot for a moment longer, Yu made a few steps forward and turned the corner.

He was meeting the detective’s gaze for a few long seconds in complete silence. Standing in the door to a large open-plan office room, Adachi was noticeably tired from late work, but apart from that his expression was hardly readable.

“How nice of you two,” a smile tug on the corners of the detective’s lips as he finally broke the eye contact and looked back at Nanako. “Dojima-san has just left for a smoking break to the roof,” he gestured to the stairs, “but he should be back soon.”

Nanako pouted and shook her head.

“Smoking before dinner is bad,” decisively, she turned to the stairs and started to make her way up.

Yu was about to remind her that he still had the plastic bag with the dinner boxes, but Nanako was already out of sight.

With a silent sigh, he put his hand in the bag, took out one of the two boxes, and slowly neared the detective.

“We’ve made dinner for you too,” Yu held out the lunchbox, looking Adachi in the eye and trying to comprehend his emotions.

The detective was staring back at him with a set face and didn’t make haste to take the box. After what seemed to be at least half a minute, Adachi reached for his back pants pocket, fished out a small wallet, and, once he found a 500 yen coin, held it out in exchange.

“..What is this for?” his brows furrowed in confusion, Yu looked at the coin and then at the detective’s face again.

“A fee for food and effort.”

“I don’t need money for that.”

“Well, can’t offer you anything else,” Adachi replied, his words steeped in scorn.

“I mean I don’t need anything at all,” Yu countered him, erasing any insinuations at once. “I’ve made it simply because I wanted to.”

“Oh really.”

Showing no intention of taking the box, the detective was looking back at Yu deadpan. After glancing to the side, at the empty stairs, he turned his face back and lowered his voice.

“Listen. If this is about me keeping quiet around Dojima, then I believe we’ve got a mutual interest in that as is.”

“We do. And that’s not about it,” Yu shook his head. “Actually, I hoped you wouldn’t start turning down uncle’s invitations for dinner at our place because of what happened.”

Adachi lifted one eyebrow and remained silent for a while.

“..Nothing in this world can ever make you uncomfortable, huh?” he finally took the box in his hand and put the coin in the pocket of his jacket. “Fine, I’ll keep it in mind. If we suddenly started avoiding each other, it would raise questions anyway. Is that all?”

Yu closed his eyes for a moment before fixing them on the detective again.

“Is there any chance we could go back to where we were before that evening?”

“Huh? And where exactly _is_ that?” Adachi blinked and then let out a chuckle. “Sorry, but suppressing emotions isn’t healthy, y’know. So it feels kinda liberating for me to be able to talk to you like this. Even if only in private.”

Pursing his lips, Yu admitted he hardly expected a ‘why not’. But he still hoped that Adachi’s anger toward him had been impulsive in nature and not caused by some sort of a longtime visceral hatred he could hardly grasp the reason for.

“Why would you even wish for it?” the detective went on. “I mean, did you hear what I said I think of you? Or do you believe you’re somehow changing my opinion by coming here and bringing me this?” he raised the lunchbox.

“I just wanted-…”

“That’s the second time you’re saying _you_ wanted something,” Adachi cut Yu off, giving him a heavy look. “Do you happen to remember that _I_ wanted to be left alone?”

Yu calmly held the glare.

“I do. But I don’t believe it’ll make you feel any better.”

“Well, it’s not for you to decide what will and will not make me feel better,” the detective replied, narrowing his eyes.

Still completely unaffected by the growing sternness in Adachi’s voice, Yu took a slow silent breath.

“I’ve read your ema, Adachi-san,” he said at last.

He could register a swift change from irritation to confusion and then to disbelief on Adachi’s face. A few moments later, there was some new emotion in the dark eyes, but the distant voices of Nanako and her father pulled the detective out of his thoughts, and Yu didn’t have the time to put his finger on what he just noticed.

“Look, I don’t care if this is some provoking bluff or not,” Adachi said in a cold low voice after glancing at the yet empty stairs, where the voices and the sound of steps were coming from. “Just give up on your stupid idea of ‘helping’ me and play your role, while I’m playing mine. Got it?”

Adachi started moving toward the stairs but stopped when he was shoulder to shoulder to Yu.

“Your ‘hero’ game’s been seriously getting on my nerves, you know,” he said, facing forward. “Good thing it’ll all be over soon.”

Confused and willing to properly talk things through, Yu turned around only to see Adachi brush past him and approach his uncle and Nanako.

“Well, aren’t you impressed, Dojima-san? Homemade dinner delivery right to the workplace!” Adachi’s voice went back to the usual carefree intonations in a mere second.

“I was too late to stop him from smoking,” Nanako mumbled.

“I bet he only smoked one though, huh?” After receiving a hesitant nod from Nanako, the detective smiled. “See? If not for _you_ , it would’ve been Dojima-san’s regular 3 sticks in a row, believe me.”

“Three?!” Nanako gasped and shot a disapproving look at her dad.

“I wonder, why can’t you _ever_ keep your mouth shut, Adachi.” Dojima let out a heavy sigh and turned to Yu, who was already handing Nanako the lunchbox from the plastic bag. “Hey. Thanks for not letting her go alone. The town’s still far from being safe and I would’ve had no idea how to get her back home from here.”

“I think _I_ have a pretty good idea what you would’ve come up with in the end, sir,” Adachi chuckled.

“It’s all big bro,” Nanako gave the box to her dad and received a thankful smile from him in return. “ _He_ said it’d be great to come here.”

Yu knew that the given credit probably caused even more irritation on Adachi’s part, but the detective showed absolutely no signs of it.

“Woah, aren’t you lucky to now have _two_ attentive kids taking care of you, Dojima-san?”

“I see you’ve received your share of care and attention too,” Dojima gestured at the box that Adachi held in his hand.

As if he completely forgot about it at all, Adachi lifted the lunchbox and blinked.

“Ah. Yeah, right,” he turned back to Yu and flashed a smile at him. “Thanks, Yu-kun. You’re basically a lifesaver!”

His chest heavy, Yu looked at the corners of Adachi’s lips curved in a warm smile. The same smile he had been addressed many times before and would’ve never suspected to be fake. It seemed genuine even now and he almost wished he could erase that September night from his memory only to believe there was no disdain and hatred behind this soft gesture and the friendly voice.

“I’m.. glad I could help,” he said after a short pause, offering a polite but weak smile and wishing he could leave the station as soon as possible.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The wild contrasts in Adachi's behavior were surprisingly a delight to write. It's fun seeing him ~change his personas~ depending on who he's talking to and in whose presence, like some born actor. Seriously, that's the guy who's hung up on having no talent, go get on stage already.


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Obligatory murder talks part 1, bear with me.

During his visit to the station Yu unconsciously hoped – among other things – to get some information regarding the progress on the case, but completely failed to steer the conversation in the necessary direction. He intended to redeem himself by talking to Dojima the next evening but didn’t see him at home the next day or the day after. According to Nanako, her dad only came back home at lunchtimes for a change of clothes.

Since Yu banished the idea of going to the station again, the only available option he had was to wait for Naoto’s recovery. Luckily, she got better and was ready to share her thoughts and observations in mere two days. But to Yu’s surprise, instead of asking to meet with the whole team, she wanted to talk to him in private first and invited him to the wooden gazebo near the river.

“I believe, I may appear ungrateful and apologize for that in advance,” sitting across Yu, Naoto adjusted her hat. “Yet one of the reasons why I don’t feel comfortable discussing this with many people is how half-baked my theories look even to me.”

“The police have a new suspect, right?” Yu suggested and after seeing a nod from Naoto realized that those five days he’d spent contemplating weren’t completely useless. “I know something’s up, but I don’t know the details. Not even the name.”

Naoto was silent for a while before she exhaled:

“Taro Namatame.”

Yu’s eyebrows shot up.

“As you may know, he was the first suspect in spring. However, he had – still has, for that matter – a solid alibi for the first two incidents.”

“What made the police turn back to him now?”

Naoto slowly shook her head.

“Unfortunately, I don’t have the answer. And that’s the other reason why I wanted to talk to you first – I hoped that _you_ would have it. After all, it’s Ryotaro Dojima who’s building the case against Namatame: he has already provided a number of clues and received a search and arrest warrants.”

Furrowing his brow, Yu listened to Naoto talk about the diary with a list of names that was found at Namatame’s place, as well as about her own vision of how he performed the kidnappings, based on her observations and first-hand experience.

“Overall, it sounds quite convincing. He has already confessed to the kidnapping cases, too, but denies his involvement in the murders,” she summed up. “Since Morooka is absent from the list, Dojima-san is suggesting the killing by Mitsuo Kubo to be a copycat one, and I agree with him on this completely. However, it still leaves us with the first two cases. Either Namatame is denying his guilt in the killings in order to receive a softer penalty or...”

“Or he’s not the one behind the first two victims,” Yu finished Naoto’s thought.

“Precisely.”

Looking back on his short and occasional encounters with Namatame, Yu agreed there was something wrong with the man. But the way he’d been always saying the first victim’s name was steeped in so much grief it was impossible to picture him as the killer.

Then again, Yu was no longer sure his perception of others could be fully trusted.

“This second theory of mine implies that there’s someone out there, who actually wants Namatame to be branded as the killer since with his indictment the case will be closed,” Naoto continued after a short pause. “Moreover, they could have played a large role in this arrest by contacting Dojima-san in some way and anonymously providing him with the necessary information.”

Yu noticed a glimpse of hope in Naoto’s eyes but could only shake his head in response.

“Sorry. He doesn’t discuss these things at home. And he’s barely _been_ home this past week, too. He might’ve gotten a call or a letter with a hint,” Yu admitted, “but this had to be in his working hours at the station.”

Naoto replied with an understanding nod, and Yu could tell she had anticipated this answer.

“Although I did hope you would know something, I expected your uncle to do everything in order not to disclose case-related and confidential information.” With her eyes half-closed, she let out a quiet chuckle. “I suppose I can be so desperate I start grasping at straws at times. It’s unbecoming.”

Regardless of how Naoto saw it, Yu could definitely relate to her desperation. The ‘close, but not enough’ feeling that was constantly lingering in the air, surrounding the entire case, was wearing him down as well.

“I’m almost convinced that this case requires professional help from criminal psychologists to be finally untangled. Unfortunately, the prefectural police is quite skeptical about involving anyone from that realm. It pains me to see how corrupt this institution is, since they are all right with any major suspect we provide, as long as it means closing the case.” Naoto sighed. “I’ve tried to apply some profiling methods myself, but I’m far from being an expert.”

“Early on, we tried to discuss what the culprit could be like too, but forgot to get back to it later,” Yu said, agreeing that such consideration could be refreshing. “What are your ideas?”

Naoto was collecting her thoughts for a while before she leaned her elbows against the table and bridged her hands.

“The first thing that stands out for me is the amount of time the culprit has managed to remain completely invisible to the case for in such a small town,” she said, her gaze fixed on her fingers. “Sure, since Namatame was the one behind the kidnappings, the true culprit wasn’t really active. Yet, if my theory is correct and they did eventually give Namatame out, they must’ve been keeping an eye on him in one way or another.” She shook her head. “However, they made no single error or misstep that would attract even if Namatame’s attention to them.”

“And if the reason Namatame always stayed in the dark is his association with the delivery business,” Yu mused, “there can be something that helps the real culprit stay out of the picture as well.”

“Most likely,” Naoto touched her chin, looking almost as if she were contemplating aloud rather than talking directly to Yu. “Besides, the absence of missteps hints at their attitude. Unlike Namatame, who has been in some kind of a post-traumatic delusion of ‘saving’ people all this time, they appear to have a better grasp of the situation. They don’t act out of nervousness or panic.”

She raised her eyes at Yu.

“Perhaps, you are not aware, but over the course of April and May the police interviewed every adult in town on the pretext of gathering information. Those, who behaved suspiciously in some measure, were shortlisted and thoroughly investigated. But in the end, there was nothing connecting them to the killings.”

“Kubo _was_ a minor,” Yu nodded thoughtfully. “And he would’ve definitely looked suspicious, had he been interviewed.”

Naoto returned a nod.

“However, I am not implying that the culprit behind the two first murders is a minor. On the contrary, I believe this is not the case. What I mean is, they must have either somehow avoided the meeting with the officials – which would have attracted the attention as is – or managed to create a believable façade that helped them not to stand out.”

Knitting brows together, Naoto touched the brim of her hat.

“Probably still helps them not to. Which leads us to the fact that they’re quite used to wearing a mask of pretense in public, hiding their real thoughts and emotions.”

Feeling shivers go down his back, Yu closed his eyes for a moment to repel an uncalled correlation. Yet once the thought appeared in his mind, it started to spread, elaborate on its own, holding on to facts and thoughts, and soon transformed into a dreadful and absurd idea that Yu had to forcefully put in the back of his consciousness.

“Moreover, it looks like they’ve been successful not only in assimilating and monitoring Namatame’s actions under the continuously pressing conditions.” Naoto went on, too absorbed in her theory to notice Yu’s confusion. “To me, it also looks as if they were patiently waiting until only now to allow the police to get onto Namatame.”

“Maybe they just didn’t have the chance to do it before,” Yu suggested, trying to engage back in the discussion and distract the thoughts from what they got suddenly stuck on.

“Maybe so,” Naoto agreed. “Or they have been consciously watching his actions. Enjoying even.” Her eyes locked on Yu’s face again. “Do you remember how I referred to this case when I first saw you all at the food court?”

After hearing the word many times – and mostly not from Naoto – Yu remembered it too well.

“A game.”

Naoto gave another nod.

“That is how, I believe, the culprit sees the whole case as. Just like Mitsuo Kubo does.”

Yu felt absolutely helpless in his attempts to stop his own mind from bringing up the lines from the past dialogues and giving them whole new meanings. Meanings that made him want to unplug his brain and put a stop to all the thinking immediately.

It wasn’t right. He shouldn’t have even started to think about it at all. Everything had to be just a sheer coincidence.

And yet it all made too much sense when put together.

“The question is, _why_ stop this ‘game’ and why do it _now_ ,” Naoto furrowed her brow. “Is it because they considered a kidnapping of the person cooperating with the police to be too dangerous? Did they notice that Namatame began to lose his sanity? Or did they somehow expose themselves to Namatame or anyone else and had to retreat?”

Yu pulled himself together to get back in the conversation without giving out the signs of panic steadily building up inside of him.

“I think we should discuss this with the others,” he said in the most level voice he was capable of at the moment. “But it would be better to do it after Namatame’s arrest becomes public and we get some real facts.”

Naoto remained silent for a few seconds, then closed her eyes and nodded.

“Yes, it would definitely be in our best interests to discuss the matter with something more substantial than just my theories. After all, the entire premise of Namatame not being the culprit in the first two incidents may be wrong.”

Yu realized that with his suggestion he almost openly disregarded everything Naoto had been talking about. He was already going to change the wording and explain what he meant, but stopped himself from doing it. The situation in which further discussion was put off and he had the time to think things through and cool down was what he desperately needed. Reassuring Naoto by telling her that she was probably on the right track meant putting this situation at risk and, most likely, having to continue the conversation. And that Yu couldn’t do, not even for a minute longer.

“I’ll be keeping you posted,” unsurprisingly, Naoto showed no signs of feeling offended or discouraged. “It will probably take them a few more days to make an official statement. Hopefully, I’ll manage to gain some intel by then as well.” She touched her chin again. “I should probably talk to Detective Adachi first. Since he works with Dojima-san, he should be well aware of-..”

“I’ll talk to him,” Yu blurted out before Naoto could finish her thought and before he himself could ponder over this decision. Seeing slight confusion on Naoto’s face, he calmly added: “You probably see him more often than I do, but we tend to have rather informal conversations with him, so I think I can get useful info more easily.”

In a few seconds Naoto let her lips shape a smile.

“I could indeed use some help in the investigation, so I’m leaving this to you, senpai,” she started to get up from the wooden bench. “Let us discuss this in a few more days then, together with the others.”

Having his actions perceived as a favor when in fact they were out of completely selfish reasons made Yu feel sick of himself. He silently watched Naoto leave the floodplain, then took a slow deep breath of the fresh cool air and closed his eyes. Trying to calm his thoughts down, he told himself that a few days were enough for him to find logical explanations and set his own doubts at rest.

 

***

 

After almost a day of thinking, the gnawing doubts in Yu’s mind only strengthened, fitting into Naoto’s theory with frightening elegance. The façade; the association with the police, which could have helped to keep tabs on Namatame and – quite naturally – avoid the interviews; the intention to end the ‘game’, most likely triggered by the events of late September and expressed to Yu directly in the latest conversation.

It was all more than enough to start considering Adachi a prime suspect and initiate a discussion with the team as soon as possible. But Yu realized that he couldn’t voice his reasoning even to himself in his own empty room, let alone to anybody else.

What stopped him from sharing the theory with the others was also his certainty that the team would embrace it at once. It was only logical, because his suspicions had ample grounds. Yet, while the team would probably not give Adachi the benefit of a doubt, Yu himself still harbored desperate hope for everything to be some sort of a tricky coincidence or even an elaborate setup.

It all boiled down to the need to try talking to Adachi again. When promising Naoto he’d do it in her stead, Yu already knew there would be things he’d have to ask the detective himself. However, after a solid theory formed in his mind, the idea of talking to Adachi started to look distressing and almost terrifying to him.

He wasn’t scared of Adachi himself though; rather, of the things he might say.

The evening after the day he talked to Naoto, Yu was sitting on the sofa in his room with the cell phone in his hands and Adachi’s contact on the screen. He considered calling but was almost certain the detective wouldn’t pick up. A text seemed more appropriate, but he could hardly think of a phrase that would definitely catch Adachi’s attention yet offer no negative cues from the very start.

When the screen got dim, Yu shut his eyes with a heavy sigh, closed his phone and put it aside. Just like he did with the intention to contact Adachi in general.

A few minutes later, he heard his phone vibrate and reached to open it. After seeing his uncle’s name on the screen, he furrowed his brow: Dojima would always dial landline when he wanted to say he’d be late or absent. Besides, he’d stopped doing it half a week ago anyway, realizing that his absence was already more expected than a return.

Confused, Yu took the call.

“Yeah?”

“Hey. Uh.. Sorry I haven’t properly been home for a while now, Yu. How’s Nanako doing?”

“..Good. She’s tougher than you think,” Yu replied, still slightly puzzled. “I make sure she goes to bed at 10.”

“Thanks. It’s good that you’re there,” Dojima paused for a second and then exhaled, ready to cut to the chase. “It may sound weird, but.. Have you met Adachi today, by any chance?”

Yu was almost getting used to the agitation that any mentioning of the detective’s name had been making him feel lately.

“No. Haven’t met him since the evening we’ve been to the station actually. He’s busy with the case as well now, isn’t he?”

Dojima grumbled something to himself.

“He’s _supposed_ to be. I have to submit a report along with the documents that are on him until tomorrow morning, and he’s nowhere to be found since lunch. I tried calling, but he’s not home and his cellphone is unavailable.” He sighed. “I was sure he’s just slacking off, but.. the last thing I need now is a partner going missing. I don’t even know where in Inaba you can have no signal, dammit…”

At that moment, Yu wished he didn’t know the place either.

“Sorry, I’m just.. Give me a call if he shows up somewhere, okay?”

“Yeah, I will.”

After ending the call, Yu opened Adachi’s contact in his phone again and dialed it right away. Just as he expected, the call didn’t go through and he hung up without listening the automatic operator’s statement to the end.

His lips pursed and thoughts scattered, Yu closed his phone and turned to the window, the raindrops making their slow way down the glass. On an outward breath he got to his feet, planning to change clothes and head to the only place in Inaba that was definitely out of the cell coverage.


	9. Chapter 9

The moment Yu touched the screen of the usual TV set in the Junes electronics department, he realized he was breaking the rule he, Chie and Yosuke had established back in April: ‘do not enter the TV world alone’. If anything, Yu wasn’t even sure he’d manage to find the necessary location without Rise’s persona. But he felt like he needed to try. Because whether Adachi was inside the TV or not, he had to know it first.

His landing was as rough as always, but Yu quickly regained footing and got his glasses out of the pocket of his school uniform jacket. Although the fog around him vanished once he put the glasses on, he still didn’t have even the slightest idea of where he should go. He fished out a dozen cards out of his pants pocket and shuffled through them, hoping to find a persona with something akin to a navigation ability. Yet just as he’d expected, there was nothing like that.

With a sigh, Yu put the cards back, leaving only a worn Izanagi’s one in hand, and looked around. They had already explored all the paths from this platform, so there wasn’t even some new one he could go for. Taking a leap on a hunch, he turned to the direction Yukiko’s castle was in.

The moment he made a step forward, Yu suddenly felt something stopping him from making another one. He raised the persona card he still had in his right hand and saw it showing some strange reaction, glowing red. His brow furrowed, Yu summoned Izanagi and looked up.

“..You know where he is?”

Silent as always, the persona raised its naginata and pointed it at the direction Yu, Yosuke and Chie had taken once, back in spring.

Surprised at Izanagi’s sudden interference, Yu could only accept the help he needed so badly. With a nod, he turned around and started to walk in the prompted direction.

 

***

 

It took him about 10 minutes to safely get to the place his persona was resonating with – the same weird apartment block that he’d seen before. Although, at that time he couldn’t see it as clearly as he could with the glasses on.

While making his way through the long empty hallways, Yu already had an inkling on where exactly Izanagi was leading him. But when he ended up in front of the closed room door, he unconsciously balled his hands into fists and stopped. The thought of entering and learning whatever was behind the door was almost paralyzing.

“You’re gonna stand there till dawn or what?”

The voice from inside the room jolted Yu out of his brain freeze. He made a sharp intake of air, turned the doorknob, and pushed the door.

Hands in pockets and back leaned against the pillow, the detective was peacefully reclining on the bed amid the familiar brutal interior. Yu didn’t even have to look around to recognize the room.

“..Are you all right?” he asked after making a couple of careful steps inside.

With a sardonic lift of an eyebrow, Adachi scoffed.

“Seriously? Is this what you wanna ask me the moment you come in here?”

Yu could feel the shard of hope he had inside him crack, but stubbornly wished to hold onto this broken shard until it shattered into dust.

“I do want to ask you about a lot of other things, Adachi-san,” he agreed. “But this isn’t the best place to talk.”

“Huh? What’s wrong with this place?” The detective surveyed the room. “I’d say it sets some good mood for the talk and looks pretty comfy overall.”

Pursing his lips, Yu didn’t say anything.

“Dojima-san called you, didn’t he?” Adachi chuckled. “I knew he would, if I perform this disappearing act right before the report submission deadline.”

Yu knitted his brow.

“He was worried you might have gone missing.”

“Oh please, he and I both know the real kidnapper’s in lockup. And the only thing Dojima-san is ever really worried about is his job anyway,” Adachi waved Yu’s remark off. “I’m not blaming him here, though. Unlike me, he still has opportunities to make a good career. And well, it’s thanks to him being like he is that I was able to plan this arrangement.”

A smile on his face, the detective leaned forward, sitting up.

“I knew that by now you must’ve put enough things together to come to me with all those ‘questions’. I didn’t look forward to dealing with them, so I decided to create a situation in which you’d get the answers yourself. But sheesh, what a waste of energy.”

He shook his head and gave a disappointed shrug of the shoulders before fixing his eyes on Yu.

“I also wanted to catch a glimpse of some special expression on your face the moment you’d step in this room. I mean, I’m right here, of my own free will, what questions can possibly remain, huh?” Adachi’s eyes narrowed and voice grew colder. “But looks like you’re dumber than I thought, kid. Because you still have this confused concern in your eyes and these ‘things’ to talk to me about.”

“I don’t want to make assumptions,” Yu replied, ignoring the growing numbness in his legs. “I’d like to hear you out and learn the truth directly from you.”

Adachi glared at him with open disdain.

“Over with playing detective and back to your saintly ‘hero’ stuff again? Are you expecting my truth to be more justifiable than that you’ve learned on your own or what?”

The detective slowly hung his legs down from the bed and set on its edge.

“It’s ridiculous how after all the trouble I’ve gone through to put this game to an end exactly because I’ve grown tired of having to deal with you in any way possible, I still have to ‘explain’ myself to you here.” Adachi’s gaze wandered over the torn posters on the wall opposite him. “The moment I stopped pretending in front of you I expected you to catch up with everything and come to an obvious conclusion at any moment. To me, it looked like I’d given you all the obvious hints I could possibly give. The more I could do was just plaster a note with a confession on my forehead.”

Still mindlessly examining the wall in front of himself, Adachi let out a mocking laugh.

“But I bet you’d still choose to ignore it, huh,” he turned his head to the left, addressing Yu a crooked smile. “Is this because of that silly little crush on me that you think you have? What would the ‘Investigation Team’ even think of their great leader if they knew about it?” He paused. “..Or is this exactly why you’ve come here alone?”

Yu kept his lips pursed. He did want his talk with Adachi to be as open as possible, and for that, it had to be private. Not having to think about anyone’s reactions and being able to concentrate on building the dialogue with the detective was one of the main reasons he didn’t want any company.

“I didn’t actually plan to end the game so soon or let anyone on in my secret,” Adachi continued, staring at the wall again. “But man, I got so sick of watching you enjoy your role of a hero. All your pompous talk about believing, helping and saving others, your naïve principles, far-fetched goals, and lofty ideals…” he looked back at Yu, his lips wreathed with disgust. “I wanted to see it all burn to ashes right in your eyes. I wanted to see you crumble under the ‘truth’ you were so desperately searching for.”

Yu could feel cold sweat bead on his forehead and all words get stuck in his throat.

“And I’m actually doing you a favor here, y’know?” the detective shrugged. “I mean, even if not for me, life would trample you down sooner or later. But it’s better to have your eyes opened before making the choices that outline your future.”

After stretching his shoulders and neck, Adachi lazily got to his feet.

“Honestly, to me you look no saner than that idiot Namatame,” he scoffed, adjusting his clothes. “Both of you are rambling about your good selfless intentions while actually you’re simply looking for a way to prove the worth of your dull and sad existences to yourselves. And just like the bad guy behind it all, you were both having fun along the way. And oh. That reminds me..”

Adachi started to make languid steps in Yu’s direction.

“You once mentioned you’re grateful to the culprit, in a way. For creating this situation, indirectly helping you ‘belong’ here and stuff. Remember?” The detective stopped when he was at an arm’s length in front of Yu and spread his hands. “Well, congratulations, kid. Because you’ve just got your chance to thank him in person.”

Looking at a lopsided grin on Adachi’s face, Yu felt his mouth go dry and chest fill with unbearable heaviness.

He couldn’t utter a word for almost a minute.

“You really did it,” he heard himself say at last, staring right into the other man’s dark eyes. “You threw the first two victims in here.”

“Yep! But wait, what – no gratitude after all?” Adachi playfully tilted his head and then squinted and screwed up his lips. “Well, that’s exactly my point, though: so much for all the idle words you ever fucking say.”

Paralyzed, Yu felt his mind go completely blank.

“Yamano was almost a happy accident,” the detective chuckled. “Can’t imagine where else I would’ve been transferred to if she’d had a chance to tell anyone about my little meltdown in front of her. Still, I was a bit shocked when I learned what happened to her inside the TV. I thought I’d barf my guts out on a crime scene, hah.”

In a daze, Yu realized that this happened to be his first encounter with Adachi in Inaba.

“Luckily, Dojima-san saw nothing but my incompetence in this reaction. ..Oh yeah, wait,” Adachi narrowed his eyes, recollecting the moment as well. “You were actually there, passing by from school, and you stopped to ask him about what happened. That’s when we’ve initially met.” He snickered. “Must be a fond memory of running into your ‘crush’ for the first time, huh? Seeing him vomit right at the crime scene he created with his own hands.”

“..Stop this,” Yu muttered, clenching his fists.

The detective raised both eyebrows.

“Woah-woah, didn’t _you_ want to “hear me out”? I’ve just started, y’know.” The tone of his voice dropped. “Or is it that the truth I’m telling you about is too unpleasant to listen to?”

Yu started to feel nauseous himself.

“Anyway, it was almost the same with the Konishi girl,” Adachi went on, leisurely putting his hands in the pockets. “We had a little argument, I got jittery, the TV was just a few steps away... That time, I pretty clearly imagined what would happen to her on the other side, but honestly? I didn’t care much. I mean,” with a short laugh, he shrugged, “I already was a murderer. What difference would’ve starting to care make at that point?”

“It would’ve kept her alive!” gritting his teeth in frustration, Yu fixed his eyes on Adachi again.

His face flat, detective just gave a half shrug.

“Well, yeah, that. But once I pushed her in, it was either me, or her. And you know, my job and life experience in general taught me to think about myself first, because no one else will ever do it for me.”

“She lost her _life_. You would’ve just-..”

“Just what, lost my job? Reputation in this tiny town, where everyone knows each other? Freedom, at worst?” Adachi squinted. “Kid, what do you think ‘life’ even _is_?”

“Something that you can’t put on a game with,” Yu retorted at once.

Looking at his balled and slightly trembling fists, the detective scoffed.

“Well, too bad. It seems that someone, who started all this mess, doesn’t share your opinion. Or are you naïve enough to believe that you’re not a pawn in a much bigger picture? That you’ve gained your special power because of your righteousness?” Sneering, Adachi tilted his head. “Then how do you think Namatame could put people in the TV? How am _I_ here now?”

The instant Yu knitted his brow, the detective shut his eyes and, in obvious pain, dug his left hand’s fingers in his forehead. Stunned and silent, Yu watched the black and red energy gather above, right behind Adachi’s back, and eventually manifest into a familiar image that explained Izanagi’s earlier reaction.

“..I had no idea I could do something like this until I made my first little trip to this world.” The detective lowered his left hand, still slightly shivering from pain. “It was back in September, when you and your gang were out of town. Knowing that you won’t come to this playground, looking for your regular thrills, made it easier for me to explore.”

Adachi looked at his persona over the shoulder, pride gleaming in his eyes, then leisurely reached for the revolver in the shoulder holster under his jacket and put the pistol up, showing it off to Yu.

“This gun isn’t the one assigned to me at work, you know. We aren’t even allowed to carry those half the time,” he screwed up his lips for a second but then lowered the revolver and fondly smiled at it. “I’ve always had a weak spot for firearms for some reason, so I came up with the idea of making a model gun shoot real bullets. Took me some time but it worked out great in the end. My little private project I’m truly proud of, hah.”

He gently stroked the barrel and the cylinder and, after he raised his gaze at Yu again, gestured to the persona behind his back.

“What I wanna say is, that weird thing there turned out to be just as cool as a gun is to me. So I even started to understand why your crew enjoys all this rescuing stuff so much.”

Yu shook his head.  

“This was never fun to us.”

Completely unfazed, Adachi put his pistol back in the holster and shrugged again.

“It sure was fun for me, though. As it was for that someone, who created this world, the shadows, and this weird fog, with the obvious intent of staging a real-life play. They’ve even made a great casting for the three main roles: the hero, the misunderstood victim, and the bad guy.”

“Even if..” In an attempt to make himself think straight, Yu tightened his fists again, making knuckles turn white. “Even if there was someone – or something – like that, our actions are still our own responsibility.”

“Hey, I’m not forfeiting any of it,” Adachi chuckled. “If I wanted to, I could’ve put all the blame on that Kubo guy long ago. I mean, that brat wished to be a serial killer so bad he turned himself in, taking the credit not just for that teacher’s death, but for the first two victims too. I couldn’t but cringe when I was assigned to interrogate him.”

The detective’s gaze wandered to the side as he started to muse aloud.

“..The irony, though. First I, of all the staff at the station, pick up that call from Namatame and get the chance to give him a hint on how he can ‘save’ people. Then I get to interrogate this sick kid and make him a part of the game by pushing him inside the TV.” He let out a laugh. “Makes me think this ‘someone’ wasn’t completely uninvolved and kept encouraging the players with these ‘lucky coincidences’. You can’t put on a good show with three heroes, after all. And I’m pretty used to getting dirty roles.” Adachi gave Yu a cold glare. “Not that I could’ve ever played your part anyway.”

As Yu lowered his eyes, struggling to assemble the remaining pieces of the entire puzzle, the detective made another step closer. Hands back in pockets, he leaned forward a little and peered at Yu’s face from below.

“Do you know why I invited you over that rainy night?” his voice dropped and lips curled into a condescending smirk. “Of course you don’t. You wouldn’t even show up here alone, if you knew I’d deliberately planned to get you a bit drunk, with both beer and my story from the past, and then throw you in the TV. I was positive that in the state you were in you wouldn’t make it till morning without your little friends.” He chuckled and straightened his back. “After all, the third and last lesson of that old case for me was that if even by following all the good rules you still end up a bad guy, why not at least stay in control and play the bad part from the beginning, at your own choice!"

Yu was too numb to even try to come up with anything in response. Seeing this, Adachi heaved a sigh.

“To be honest, I’m disappointed you haven’t brought your precious team with you. I get that you would’ve been embarrassed to death in front of them, because for some reason you considered me a ‘friend’ or something. But I bet they’d at least have a better emotional reaction to this situation than you.”

“..You have no idea how I’m feeling right now,” Yu muttered almost mechanically.

A mere second later he felt a tight grip on his shoulder that shook him and made him lock his eyes on the contorted features of Adachi’s face.

“Then show it to me!” the detective hissed. “C’mon, brat, where’s your anger? Hatred? Disgust? I’ve gone outta my way to wrap up the entire game and make it all clear only to _you_ just so that I could see these emotions in your eyes! Why everything I see in you in return is this creepy pain and sadness?!”

For a few moments, Yu was silently holding the detective’s intense and hostile glare.

“Because it really is painful and sad, Adachi-san,” he answered without breaking eye contact. “That this is what you’ve chosen to fill your emptiness with.”

He watched the eyes in front of him squint and sensed the hand on his shoulder push him back.

“What do you _know_ about my ‘emptiness’,” as he pushed Yu one step back, Adachi took one forward. “What _can_ you know about it?”

“I told you before,” Yu couldn’t but feel an anxiety rush as he was made to step back yet again, “I’ve read your ema, where you-..”

Not wishing for the words, which he’d never thought anyone would ever read, to be vocalized, the detective gritted his teeth and dashed forward, driving Yu to the wall near the closed exit door. The next moment he shifted his right hand from Yu’s shoulder to his neck and tightened fingers on the throat.

“And that single sentence somehow gave you the right to think you know me?!”

Yu shuddered from the sensation of claws digging in his skin. He lowered his gaze and followed the bloody red coat sleeve up until he bumped into the golden eyes of Adachi’s persona that still was behind the man’s back.

“It’s not just that,” Yu muttered, looking back at the detective himself. “It’s the time I’ve spent with you, too.”

“Do you ever even comprehend anything aside from what you yourself want to hear?” Adachi asked in a cold voice, having slits for eyes. “Or do I need to spell it out to you straight to the face?” he drew close enough to probably be able to see the reflection of his own eyes in Yu’s glasses. “I’ve been _lying_ to you since the first day and first moment I met you. The ‘time you’ve spent with me’ means absolutely _nothing_. It was all just an _act_. That’s it.”

Still feeling a strangling grasp on his neck, Yu managed to slowly shake his head.

“You weren’t lying about your.. distance from the others, frustration with work, and.. past life in the city,” struggling for breath, he cut his sentences into shorter phrases. “Even if you were hiding your.. crimes and real attitude to me, you.. shared your real opinions and thoughts. And it’s.. not ‘nothing’.”

Yu used the moment of Adachi’s startled reaction, which made him relax his hand, to sharply and deeply inhale.

“It wasn’t _all_ an act,” he concluded, “and I don’t believe you were never honest. You truly care about Nanako and Dojima-san. You did open up to me when you told me about that case. And I got to know you well enough to see that you were hur-..”

The hand on Yu’s neck tightened again, this time even stronger, not letting him finish his thought.

“The way you hold onto your hope, belief, and trust in me, even after you’ve learnt the dirty truth, makes me seriously sick, brat,” the detective hissed through tightly gritted teeth, looking at Yu’s face, drawn with pain as he was no longer able to make a single breath. “This is exactly why I can’t stand you. And why I want to see you broken and destroyed by the weight of your own naïve and stupid optimism.”

Desperate for air, Yu raised his left hand and clenched it on Adachi’s wrist, hoping to weaken the grasp if even a little. The detective gave way at once and removed his hand from the neck, allowing Yu to inhale again. But as soon as he did that, Yu sensed an immense power of a clawed holdfast on his throat, which he alone could do nothing about.

“Show me some real anger and hatred in your eyes – and I’ll tell it to let you go,” Adachi said, crossing his arms over the chest in waiting. He motioned at his persona with his chin. “It’s pretty wild, y’know, even I can’t really control it at times. So if you’re at least any as smart as those school test results say, I’m sure you understand you’d better not take a long time with it.”

The sudden pulsation in his right fist snapped Yu out of his stupor and made him remember about the card. He gathered his strength to summon Izanagi and the emerged persona immediately grasped the arm of its counterpart, forcing it to release the grip.

When he was finally able to inhale, Yu clenched his chest and started coughing, as if his body had to remember how to take in oxygen.

The whole time Yu was recovering his breath, Adachi was frozen to the spot at the sight of a persona so similar to his own.

“..So we’re sharing the exact same power, huh? The one who set the entire stage doesn’t look very creative. Or they surely know how to get to me,” he said with a wry face. “Having something in common with you always rubs me the wrong way.”

Yu’s ears were ringing while he was still making frequent intakes of breath, eyes cast down. He brought his hand to the itching skin on his neck and saw some blood smudged on the fingertips: the persona’s claws left some scratches but he didn’t even feel them hurt until he could breathe again. 

“What, you’re not gonna say we’ve actually got stuff we agree on, like you did in summer?” the detective chuckled sarcastically. “Well, that’s some progress already. Did you seriously need to go through that unpleasant near-choking experience just now to finally start coming to your senses?”

Biting his lower lip, Yu silently stared down at the floor.

“I think I made it clear to you what I’m aiming at here and I’m not letting you go before I get what I want,” Adachi added in a stern and low voice. “To be honest, I don’t see how this is too much to expect, given the situation. Anyone else in their right mind would’ve been seriously pissed off by now.”

“..Why do you want to see my hatred for you so badly?”

Adachi let out an exasperated sigh.

“You really are an immature idiot, aren’t you? Because your constant act of positivity is disgusting – that’s why. Because once I see you discard your hero role and fill with hostility, loss of trust, and hopelessness, I’ll know for sure that you’ve left your bright comfort zone and faced the shitty real world that you and your friends love and are so willing to protect.”

“You want to make me share your outlook on life then,” Yu raised his eyes, showing the dour expression on his face. “Is that right?”

The detective’s brows snapped together as he remained silent for a few moments: the wording didn’t really appeal to him.

“Twisting logic and interpreting stuff I say as you like won’t change things,” he replied with a put-on indifference after a short pause.

“People want others to share their views,” Yu continued, unrelenting, “because they want to be understood and accepted.”

Adachi narrowed his eyes.

“You’re kicking the pricks with your sophistry here,” he said in a cold voice. “Didn’t you learn the lesson to not try and get under my skin with your stupid words?”

“You want someone to start seeing the world the way you do,” Yu didn’t back down, as the change in the detective’s voice gave him even more proof that his line of reasoning was right, “because you’re bitter and confused at the feeling that you’re alone in that.”

“I’m _not_ bitter or confused,” Adachi was speaking through his teeth. “And I’m far from being alone in the belief that this world has gone to shit. Take this as a serious warning, brat, and shut. the hell. up.”

“And I say you are,” Yu completely ignored the last part and stared the other man straight in the face. “Just like you were when you wished for getting rid of the hurtful numbness in spring, as you wrote that ema. Because otherwise you wouldn’t have done such a thing in the first place.”

Slamming his left palm against one of the torn posters on the wall behind Yu’s back, Adachi reached for the revolver under his jacket again and, in an instant, put it under Yu’s chin.

“And after you read the goddamn plaque that you were never supposed to find and see, you came up with the idea of those ‘different feelings’ of yours, right?!” he roared.

With his head pushed up, Yu had to look from below the glasses to see the detective’s twitching face.

“No, I didn’t,” he swallowed hard, feeling chilly metal dig tighter into his lower jaw.

“You did! Because offering them to me was such a delightful opportunity to play a part of a generous savior you get off on so much! You just made me one of your ‘ema quests’ you were telling me about, didn’t you?!”

“I didn’t,” Yu repeated, but in his feat of rage Adachi didn’t hear his answer.

“What did you even expect me to _feel_ after getting a pitiful confession from a brat like you?! And just how desperate and pathetic did you think I was to believe in that farce and mockery anyway?! The same one you’re putting on here right now as you’re trying to fuck with my brain again!”

“These feelings aren’t a farce and have nothing to do with what you wished on the ema, Adachi-san,” he spelled out, hoping to finally get the point across.

As the detective quietened down, his expression dulled. Yu reckoned about half a minute of tensed silence before the cold metal of the revolver, still pressed tight against the skin, started to slide down his neck.

“..The very moment you said that crap in my apartment, I knew I’d never put my mind at ease until I make you prove your words a sham. Just like you yourself are,” the voice went back to low and controlled. “How do you like _this_ reason why I’m so hung up on seeing your hate for me, huh?”

Adachi tilted his head.

“But here you are, referring to these ‘feelings’ in present tense even after I told you my real thoughts of you. Assaulted you. Made it clear for you that I murdered two people and intended to kill _you_ , twice.” With his eyes closed, he let out a dreary sigh. “Honestly, kid, I’m out of ideas. You’ve got any fresh ones that would actually work?”

The gun pressed just above the top button of Yu’s shirt, letting him slowly lower his chin. The next moment, Adachi’s left hand grabbed the collar of Yu’s jacket and slowly pulled it down from his right shoulder.

“Well, if not,” the voice shifted to his right ear and was followed by the sound of the gun’s cocked hammer, “then I guess I’ll just have to combine a few of them together here. For a better effect.”

Yu’s breath caught in his throat again – but this time because of the sensation of Adachi’s lips and teeth on the right side of his neck.

The kiss was as ardent and vicious as the first one, in September, throwing Yu off balance in the exact same way. Helplessly trying to keep himself composed, he tightened his fists and pressed lips together, only to open them and gasp for air a second later, when the detective sucked on the bloody scratches left by his persona’s claws.

“I’m not restraining you in any way, mind you,” Adachi said in a low voice, his breath warm on the wet skin. “Say that you’re taking your creepy feelings back and shove me aside. I’m not gonna insist or anything.”

The revolver crawled up Yu’s neck, forcefully lifting his chin again, while the ruthless kisses started to move down to the collarbone. With each split second, Yu felt his growingly raptured heartbeat, agitated by the violent bites, hasty caresses of lips and tongue, and the electrifying thrill of a loaded gun scratching his skin with the muzzle.

In his desperate and useless attempts to remain under control, he couldn’t but blame himself for getting worked up so fast and easily. And not just for that. Yu knew that he didn’t want to push Adachi away because it would’ve backed all the false accusations created by the detective’s twisted perception of him. But he also knew that this gave him a reason not to resist.

And not resisting felt shamefully easier.

When even after a few minutes Adachi received no explicit pushback that he was waiting for, he drew his face a bit away and heaved a disappointed sigh. A faint hope that this marked the end of the detective’s stubborn strive for getting his rejection appeared in the back of Yu’s mind. Yet it vanished the very next moment, when Adachi’s nose tip touched his right cheek.

Yu made a sharp intake of air once the teeth squeezed his earlobe, lips encircling the sensitive skin. With Adachi’s breath right next to his ear and face almost brushing against his own, he yielded to a daze. Which lasted only until the detective made another move by shoving his right leg between Yu’s knees and pressing his hip against the inner side of the left thigh.

The sudden intense sensation forced Yu to throw his head back to the wall behind him on a reflex. Feeling his whole body quiver and a hot wave of tension spread over, choking him from the inside, he bit his lower lip hard to keep himself from making a sound.

The next second, another exasperated sigh grazed his cheek.

“Oh c’mon, will you get over your brain freeze already? It’s not like either of us is enjoying this in any-..”

Once he pulled away, Adachi caught a glimpse of Yu’s face and stumbled over his words before finishing them. Yu could see shock in the dark eyes in front of him and didn’t even want to imagine how much his own expression was telling.

“..Man, you actually are,” the detective murmured, still in disbelief, and then shook his head with an insolent laugh. “You are _seriously_ enjoying this even now?!”

Breathing heavily, Yu managed to hide his eyes under the bangs, slightly wet on the roots, before he heard another jeer. To be taunted for the feelings he couldn’t take under control yet get accused of feigning them anyway was illogical, but he was in no state to point this out.

“What’s this?” Adachi brought his face closer again. “Some crazy zeal of youth? Are all teenage kids _this_ perverted nowadays or is it just you?” In a fraction of a second, the crooked smile turned into a thin line and the mocking tone of the voice dropped. “Because you’re fucking _disgusting_ , you _brat_.”

Right when Yu furrowed his brow and prepared to speak up, the detective pinned him against the wall with his whole body, the contact agonizingly sensual, – and the words got unwillingly replaced by a short low moan. As if triggered by the sound, Adachi clicked his tongue, teared the glasses of Yu’s face and, after swiftly grabbing him by the chin, pressed their lips together in a vulgar kiss.

Yu barely heard the plastic and glass crack on the floor: the sound was stifled by the rapid rhythm of blood beating in his own body and reverberating in his ears. Fierce clashing of lips and raw bites were filled with undisguised abhorrence and rage, yet he was getting more and more feverish by the second.

The detective broke the contact in less than half a minute and glowered at Yu again, breathing heavily against his face.

“Push me away,” Adachi demanded. “Now.”

Knees weak and mind blurry, Yu doubted he would’ve still stood straight even if he chose to oblige. He didn’t even realize he’d somewhat slid down the wall until his and Adachi’s eyes locked on the same level a moment ago.

Still receiving no awaited reaction, the detective furiously yanked at the hair on Yu’s forehead with the left hand, tilting his head to the side, and put the revolver to the pulsing carotid artery.

“Cut your sick game out already!” Adachi’s gaze was livid and voice unusually, dangerously loud. “I said push me away like those two bitches, like everyone else before them ever did!”

The last line made something in Yu’s frantic mind click.

“If you’re not doing it, I’m seriously pulling the trigger,” the detective warned, going back to hissing through gritted teeth. “So unless you want to end your heroic life on a TV antenna,” the muzzle dug into the skin, “push. me. away.”

With his head still tilted to the right, Yu fixed his eyes on Adachi’s face and took a couple of breaths before speaking.

“..I’m not doing it just so that you could make a victim out of yourself again.”

The raging eyes squinted and the teeth formed a snarl.

“Do you _ever_ fucking listen to what I-..”

“You want to be hated and discarded so you can pity yourself,” Yu pressed on. His heart was still racing but thoughts finally began to create a whole picture in his head. “You want another proof that everyone in this world treats you unfairly. That they make you feel like a pathetic loser you hate to be. And leave you no choice but to do what you do.”

Stunned at both Yu’s words and the way he was confidently saying them while at gunpoint, Adachi froze in place.

“You want me to show you that you’re not in the wrong. Give you the grounds for blaming me for your own pain, just like Mayumi Yamano and Saki Konishi did,” he went on, sure in his understanding. “You knew they’d reject you, but still wanted to hear and see it happen. So you could blame them and back your self-pity.”

“..Shut up,” the detective muttered, eyes glazed over. His left hand slowly released its grip on Yu’s hair and moved away in recoil.

“You said you don’t need my or anyone else’s compassion. Because nothing will ever stand close in comparison to how much of it _you_ have for yourself,” despite the gun, Yu slowly straightened his neck. “You’re so used to wallowing in pity you can’t view things differently. Can’t believe in anything that contradicts the pattern in your head. You’d rather force me and everyone else into it than bend your view and stop seeing only resentment coming your way, deliberately ignoring other things.”

Yu made a pause, looking straight at the dumbfounded man standing in front of him.

“Since that case and the transfer broke you down, you’ve been blindly pushing everything to the limits. You’re hurting everyone around you. But on top of it all, you’re destroying yourself,” he slightly shook his head. “And I’m not going to play a part in that.”

He lowered his gaze at the gun held at his neck with hardly any force applied.

“You don’t even hate _me_ , Adachi-san. You hate my rules and ideals because they’re so similar to those you _yourself_ had once.”

Yu raised the eyes back to the detective’s face.

“And you can’t shoot anyone,” he said in his usual level voice, completely sobered up. “Can’t strangle to death. Throwing someone in the TV, denying to bear the blame for any direct harm, is the only kind of killing you’re capable of.”

Silence filled the room for more than a minute, while neither of the two made a single move.

“..Justifying a murderer here, huh,” Adachi let out a twitchy chuckle. “Wasn’t it _you_ who wanted to get the culprit behind bars so bad?”

Yu shut his eyes.

“I wanted to catch a twisted, merciless killer. Not a broken man.”

The detective went quiet for almost a minute.

“..So, no matter what I do or say, you’re not gonna reject me?”

“I’m not.”

In a moment, Yu felt the gun press tight against his neck and saw the dark, glazy eyes bore into him.

“Suit yourself, kid.”

Silently wondering at his own composure, Yu remained standing still, holding the other man’s gaze. Even when Adachi put the index finger on the trigger, he didn’t budge or try to talk.

He said everything there was to say and was ready to wager on it.

Instead of searching for more words, Yu was just calmly observing the detective’s face. The expression was hardly readable, as always, but a few cues – a pursed lower lip and slightly twitching eyebrows – were enough to picture his inner tension.

The more silent moments passed – the better Yu understood that Adachi, in his turn, was observing him too, waiting to catch a glimpse of any sort of distress on his face and growing more distressed himself, as he saw nothing of the kind.

Yu could almost hear the same shiver in the man’s breath that he sensed with his skin when a slightly trembling gun scratched against it. He saw the detective grit his teeth tight, eyes filled with anger, perplexity, and frustration all at once. It was obvious that Adachi wanted the situation he’d created himself to finally be over. But couldn’t bring himself to be the one to end it.

After he took a slow deep breath, Yu parted his lips, willing to try and talk it all out one more time.

“Adachi-s-..”

The rest of the honorific was buried in the deafening shot.

Eyes wide open and ears ringing, Yu froze. He instinctively held onto the wall behind him with his right hand and wondered why he couldn’t feel the revolver next to his skin anymore. In a sluggish response to what happened, he was trying to figure if he could sense anything with his neck. With his whole body. At all.

Still startled but gradually coming to the understanding that he’s not in pain and can move, Yu slowly turned his gaze to the left and saw the gun in the detective’s right hand – somewhat above his shoulder and pointed upward.

He raised his eyes above and after noticing a bullet mark and a net of cracks in the ceiling couldn’t help but blankly stare at them, losing track of time.

When he heard slow steps moving away, he finally snapped out of it and lowered his eyes only to see Adachi heading to the other side of the room, back turned towards him. Unhurriedly, the detective neared the bed, sank down on its edge and, lazily propping his elbows against his knees, started to twiddle with the revolver.

A few minutes of heavy silence passed again before Adachi spoke up, his voice lifeless.

“The folder’s in the second drawer of my office desk.”

Yu needed some time to catch up with the meaning of the words, but soon realized they referred to the documents for submission that Dojima was searching for.

This was enough to make it clear that the conversation was over.

He himself had nothing left to say and Adachi was obviously unwilling to discuss any of the things he heard. But Yu couldn’t tell if his words hadn’t done too much damage. He’d never seen – and never imagined he’d have to see – the detective that shut down and hallow. And, given the circumstances, he had no idea what it could implicate.

Unsure if it was okay to leave things as they were, Yu made a step from the wall. With that single move, he accidently stepped on his own glasses, causing a loud cracking noise. The sound cut through the silence but didn’t seem to bother Adachi in the least.

After he picked up the glasses, broken beyond repair, Yu just left them in his hand and looked at the detective’s profile.

“What do I tell uncle about _you_?”

Adachi didn’t react at all, and this kind of answer made Yu even more anxious. He lowered his eyes, fixing them on the gun in the detective’s hands, and bit his lower lip again. The images of what could happen once he’s out of the room were too vivid in his mind to ignore.

After exhaling, Yu started to make slow steps forward until he stopped in front of the detective.

“Adachi-san,” he spoke up again, hoping to get the other man’s attention. “Let’s go back.”

Without lifting his face, Adachi continued to fiddle with the gun.

“Gonna drag me down to the station and turn me in?” he asked after a while, still not looking up. “You realize there’s literally nothing that points at me, apart from what I told you here?”

Arrest wasn’t what bothered Yu in the first place. Not at the moment, at least.

“I need to make sure you don’t do any more harm.”

“Then I guess you’ll have to go find the mastermind and make them take away my power or something. You’ve just proven I’m no threat to anyone with this toy here.”

Yu made a short pause before contradicting.

“You are to yourself.”

The fiddling stopped and the empty look slowly raised, locking at Yu, as if silently asking just how many things he could see through.

In the end, Adachi said nothing aloud, opened up the cylinder of his revolver and let the bullets, clanking, fall on the floor. Yu bent over to pick all of them up, keeping them in the same hand he held his glasses.

When he straightened and lifted his face, the detective was still looking at him.

“Satisfied?”

Lots of things still kept Yu worried but he didn’t know how to address them at the moment. What he clearly understood was that Adachi didn’t plan to get out of the TV along with him. And all he could do was hold onto that irrational trust he had in the detective and let him return on his own.

He lowered his chin in a nod, answering the previous question.

“The TVs on the platform to the west of here lead to the electronics department in Junes,” Yu said, just to make sure Adachi knew how to get out. “Be careful on your way back, Adachi-san.”

Knowing he won’t get a response, Yu turned toward the exit. He slowly walked to the door, unaware of the stunned gaze following him, and soon closed it from the other side.

 

***

 

It was past 10 pm when Yu managed to get back to the entrance platform and returned to the rear aisle of an empty electronics department. With the store closing at 11, he had to hurry, but the first thing he did after getting his – Adachi’s – umbrella from behind the TV was take out his cell phone and dial Dojima.

He made only a few steps on his way out to the elevator when his uncle picked up.

“You’ve seen him?”

Yu silently wished Adachi could hear the undisguised anxiety in Dojima’s voice.

“I got through to him on the phone for a few seconds,” he lied as he was walking through the empty floor, and heard a sigh of relief. “He asked me to tell you the documents are in the second drawer of his desk.”

Holding the umbrella under his arm, he called the elevator and, while waiting, listened to the paper rustle in the phone dynamic.

“Found them. No idea why he’s put them at the very bottom, though,” Dojima exhaled and clicked his tongue. “You don’t know where he is?”

The doors of the elevator slid open with a ring, letting Yu step inside and push the ground floor button.

“No. Sorry.”

While he was adjusting the high collars of his shirt and school jacket, Yu heard a heavy sigh again and then – a muttered curse.

“..Anyway, thanks for calling. Just so you know, you saved that idiot’s ass. I’ll grill him as soon as he shows up at the station, but if I hadn’t found the documents, he would be safer turning up dead.”

Clueless about the situation, Dojima didn’t bother to choose his words.

“Can you let me know when he’s back to the station?” Yu asked.

Dojima replied after a slightly surprised pause, right at the moment the elevator doors slid open again and Yu stepped outside, into a dimly lit lobby of the soon-to-be-closed store.

“I’ll send you a text, but can’t guarantee he’ll have free time to contact you,” Dojima replied. “Thanks again. And.. don’t stay out too late.”

After promising his uncle he was on the way home, Yu hung up. He put the phone back in the pocket, took his umbrella in the right hand and headed to the front doors.

“Hey, partner!”

He recognized the voice before turning to the left and seeing Yosuke walk out of the empty grocery department. Meeting him at this place wasn’t really strange, but Yu would’ve been grateful if he could’ve avoided the encounter at least this one time. His head was still spinning and all he wanted was to get home, sleep through the night, and wake up to a message from Dojima, telling him Adachi was safely back. Then, he’d start thinking about the next steps he had to make.

“Working late shifts now?” he went for a smile, hoping it wouldn’t look too forced.

“Things are even tougher than they were in summer, man. We’re terribly underworked,” Yosuke sighed, rubbing the back of his neck. “But hey, why are _you_ here at this hour? Doesn’t look like doing grocery shopping.”

Yu knew he’d eventually have to tell him the truth, but for whatever reason, didn’t feel like sharing the news right away. It was Yosuke again he had to lie to and it felt as terrible as before. But what felt even worse was that Yu found himself unable to come up with any reasonable excuse at all: stress and exhaustion caught up to him at last.

“You aren’t looking for that Adachi now, are you? The store’s gonna close in 20 minutes or something, I doubt even he’d come here at this hour,” Yosuke chuckled, forcing Yu’s mind to shut down completely from the sole mentioning of the detective’s name.

Desperately trying to gather his wits and make up a believable motive for going to Junes at night, Yu clenched the umbrella in his hand and felt a bloody scratch on his palm, which he’d most likely gotten from the pieces of broken glass.

“I just thought I’d find Teddie here,” he said after he fished out his broken TV glasses out of the pants pocket with another hand and showed Yosuke what was left of them. “I wondered if he could fix this pair or make a new one.”

“Woah, that’s some bad case. Never expected you to be a klutz, partner,” Yosuke grinned. “You sure that detective’s not a bad influence?”

Yosuke already mentioned Adachi twice and although Yu knew – hoped – this wasn’t intentional, it felt as if the world was mocking him. The timing couldn’t be worse.

“A-anyway, that lazy bastard’s at home already,” Yosuke added, somewhat abashed as he didn’t get a response to his joke. “Said he wants to properly enjoy his “only evening before the only day-off from school”. Damn, he doesn’t even _have_ to go there at all,” he screwed up his lips. “But well, I bet he’d be glad to make you new ones.”

Yu cracked a smile again.

“Can you tell him to go with the standard design?”

“Yeah, I’ll make sure you don’t get Yukiko’s favorites,” with a wink, Yosuke gestured to the door. “So, heading home, huh?”

As much as Yu felt guilty for lying, he certainly didn’t feel capable of holding a daily conversation. Besides, he wasn’t even sure Yosuke wouldn’t be able to pick up on his mood at some point. And he had no idea what he’d do or say in that case.

“Uncle just called saying he’s stopping by here in a few minutes,” with his chin, he motioned to the parking lot in front of Junes.

“Oh. Okay,” Yosuke flashed a somewhat sad smile at him and started to open his own umbrella. “See you at school on Monday then. Naoto said we’re gonna meet to reexamine the case. Hope we’ll finally get to the bottom of it all.”

“Yeah,” Yu swallowed hard. “We will.”

With his conscience heavy but the corners of lips still quirked up, Yu watched his friend leave the supermarket and head in the direction that he himself would set out in about 10 minutes or so, after deliberately wasting some time in the grocery department.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I realize that it's just game mechanics and all with the in-canon message along the lines of "Hey, guess what that bad guy needs to be able to finally calm down? Yeah, to have his ass kicked real hard!". But you know what is more powerful than megidolaon, in my humble opinion? Haha, words. So I just wanted these two to have this difficult but necessary chat.


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm reiterating the well-known canon stuff in this chapter quite a lot again (which always feels kind of stupid for me to do tbh), but this is finally the last time I'm bringing up obvious facts, phew.

On Monday morning, an official statement about Namatame’s arrest was released and by lunch the whole school was talking about it. Although he was staying out of all discussions, Yu still felt his schoolmates’ gazes turn his way as he was returning from the rooftop, where he just had lunch.

“What, you’re a celebrity _again_?” leaning against the wall near the staircase of the second floor, Kou raised his eyes to the ceiling. “Condolences, man.”

“Hey, it’s not like attention’s always as bad as in our team,” Daisuke chuckled and then turned to Yu. “Haven’t seen you in the practice for more than two weeks, though. It’s not because of that attitude, is it?”

Yu shook his head.

“No, sorry, just a crazy month,” he noticed another student glance at him while walking past. “..What’s this all about?”

“Huh?” Kou lifted an eyebrow. “You mean you don’t know?”

“I do, just.. don’t get why _I’m_ in the spotlight.”

He couldn’t say it aloud, but also had to admit he was starting to feel paranoid.

“Your uncle,” Daisuke explained. “Everyone knows you live with the Dojimas. And he’s the one who’s caught the kidnapper. He’s like a local hero now, man.”

Yu remembered that Naoto mentioned Dojima’s role in the case a week ago, but didn’t think his uncle would end up _this_ famous. Dojima’s modest working attitude was probably one reason why he didn’t see it as something outstanding.

The other reason was the entire scenario that still only Yu knew about.

“Gonna have a family celebration today?” Kou smirked.

Weakly smiling back, Yu shook his head.

“I’m not even sure uncle will be back home by midnight.”

He was almost sure Dojima wouldn’t be back at all. The text he received on Sunday morning said that ‘that hopeless rookie’ called in sick and took two days off work, which meant that all the job now rested on his uncle’s shoulders.

After reading that very text, Yu dialed Adachi’s number, and although the call did go through, it was dropped after three dialing tones. To Yu, this was a more or less comforting outcome. Besides, he needed some more time to think about what he should do next too.

But no matter how hard he tried to do it, his mind was drawing a blank.

“And hey, really? More than two weeks? Is everyone on your team this diligent?” Kou taunted Daisuke.

“Hey, you were just grumbling about your own team.”

“Wanna have a comp on who’s got the worst attendance rate?”

“I’ll show up by the end of the week,” Yu looked at Daisuke. “I just need to.. sort out some things first.”

Daisuke breathed out a sad laugh.

“Tests start this Friday, remember? And then there’s a culture festival next week, so I don’t think we’ll have a chance to practice till the end of October anyway.”

Yu hated that he was actually relieved to hear that because he couldn’t picture himself leisurely going to football practice any time soon.

“But hey, it’s fine. Let’s hope the weather’s still nice in November so we don’t have to fight for the gym with Kou and his guys.”

“More like we’ll have to join our teams together to get a single full one,” Kou rolled his eyes upward again.

“Well,” Yu cracked a smile. “I don’t mind basketball.”

“I’m used to it too already. Although someone isn’t particularly impressed with my basketball skills.”

“You seriously call those moves ‘skills’?”

The bell that ended the lunch break didn’t let Daisuke retort, so he just sighed and smiled at Yu.

“See you around then.”

“Good luck on the tests!” Kou added.

After wishing them both luck on the exams too, Yu headed to the classroom door. He suddenly realized he couldn’t think of the last time he properly concentrated on his studies. The Investigation Team had a meeting planned at 4 that very day, and all he’d doing before the lunch break was combining attention to class with future discussion planning.

Since he managed to fail at both, Yu could only hope his ability to focus would miraculously improve by Friday.

 

***

 

“...For now, this is the official version of the police on all Namatame’s actions. I have also inspected the inventory list myself and it mentioned a large TV in his truck. It wasn’t meant for a delivery.”

“Woah, then he really _is_ the guy!” following Naoto's words, Chie slammed her hands against the food court table.

“I am certain he is the culprit behind the kidnappings, yes. However...” Naoto paused for a few moments. “I have some suspicions in regards to him being involved with the killings.”

“Huh? But you’ve just said he had a TV in his truck,” Rise lifted her eyebrows.

Chie nodded.

“Yeah, if he was the one throwing everyone he kidnapped in there, who else could’ve caused the first two murders?”

“And he was even suspected for killing Mayumi Yamano from the very start,” Yukiko added.

“He still has an alibi for that case,” Naoto reminded. “And he does persistently deny the involvement with the killings as well as any malice behind the kidnappings.”

“Then he just threw us in so we could have fun gettin’ our asses kicked by the shadows or what?” Kanji snorted. “The guy’s just backin’ out cuz he doesn’t wanna end up with a life sentence!”

“Kanji’s right,” Yosuke joined in. “Believing that sick bastard is ridiculous, he’s just trying to get a slighter penalty.”

Naoto closed her eyes and exhaled.

“I should also mention that the police still don’t know if the case will be fully prosecuted. Since the nature of the killings is highly unusual and Namatame doesn’t admit his guilt, the police may only go with the charge on the kidnappings.”

Yosuke’s eyes froze in shock.

“..You mean, he will just.. really get away with it?”

“I am sorry, but this is a very likely possibility. Our criminal justice system prioritizes swiftness above all, so all procedures are very limited in time. In order not to end up under hundreds of cases that should be dealt with immediately, prosecutors choose to escalate only those that will definitely win.” Naoto slowly shook her head. “With the absence of confession, lack of evidence, and ambiguous circumstances of the murders in general, the outcome of this case in court would be quite indefinite.”

Yu saw Yosuke grit his teeth and then take his turn with slamming his palms on the table.

Balling his own hands into fists, Yu was well aware that by not interfering in the discussion and letting it proceed in the wrong direction, he was steadily losing the moment when he could still speak up without earning confused and perplexed looks from the others. He knew enough not just to support Naoto’s theory, but also to explain the entire complex scenario to everyone.

To Yosuke. Who needed the case to be over more than anyone else and who deserved closure to finally be able to move on from Saki’s death.

Yu drew a slow and silent breath.

“Naoto’s right. Namatame’s not the only one who knows about the TV world and has the power similar to ours.”

Yosuke raised an eyebrow.

“Huh? What do you mean, partner?”

In his head, Yu could already hear Yosuke uncontrollably shower Adachi with deserved insults, boiling from hatred and rage, and wondered if there was even the slightest chance he could explain him – and the rest of the team too – the complex circumstances of it all.

Nothing, by no means, justified the murders to him. But during his yesterday’s long pondering over the notion of mistakes, he realized he couldn’t draw a distinction between the mistakes that allowed someone to start over and those that didn’t. And after dwelling on the detective’s past, he began to believe that sometimes punishment only created more trouble, doing no good at all.

“Senpai?”

He raised his gaze to Naoto and thought back to what she just told them about the prosecution. He knew the situation wouldn’t change much even if they accused Adachi of the crimes Namatame didn’t commit. Without a confession, the murders were still impossible to deal with in court, no matter the culprit.

Once again, Yu tried to weigh everything in his head to come to a final decision he wouldn’t regret but his mind was reluctant to give him confidence in either of the two options he had.

He closed his eyes for a moment and breathed out.

“I’m sure there’s someone – or something – that had to initially create the TV world and give out the powers to enter it.”

The Team exchanged puzzled looks.

“Come to think of it.. You did have a persona from the very start, huh?” Yosuke remembered. “Everyone else had to fight their Shadow before getting one. Even Ted.”

Yu nodded and looked at Naoto, awaiting her reaction.

“..This would certainly make sense,” she muttered, touching her chin. “But it means that this someone is most certainly not human.”

“Well, we’ve dealt with a lot of non-human stuff by now, right?” Chie shrugged, as unimpressed as everyone else.

Naoto was still furrowing her brow before looking up and locking her eyes on Yu.

“Do you believe this.. ‘something’ is also behind the first two incidents, senpai?”

To Yu, it seemed like Naoto’s eyes were looking through him, as if she knew that he deliberately changed the focus of their talk and decided to put off revealing the true culprit mid-sentence.

He did feel guilty for not letting the team in on everything. But he also believed that the puppeteer, who set up the stage for the game and pushed them all into their roles, posed greater danger than Adachi and deserved judgement no less – or even more – than him.

“I'm not sure,” Yu lied, his chest heavy. “But I’m convinced they’re to blame for everything that happened. And that we have to deal with them.”

Silent, Naoto held Yu’s gaze for a few moments, making him fret over the possibility of a question about him hiding something. Had he been asked this straight to his face and in front of everyone, he would have no chance to share the truth later without creating an impression of a traitor, who wanted to hush it all up.

“I agree,” she nodded. “Moreover, we can get useful information out of them, too. Can you think back to how exactly things unfolded when you just arrived at Inaba, senpai?”

 

***

 

Yu entered the Shopping District with his hair and clothes wet from the sudden rain. He told the others that his memory was still hazy and he needed to come to this place alone to recollect the events. But after they talked about his arrival to Inaba, he already knew who exactly he was looking for.

The moment he stepped under the roof of the gas station, the attendant came up to him on his own.

“Doesn’t look like it’ll stop raining soon. Should I borrow you an umbrella?” he smiled. “Or is it that you finally decided to sign up for the part-time job? We could still use some help.”

“What was the point of it all?” Yu asked straight away.

“Huh? Point of what?”

“Of creating that world. Giving out the roles and powers. Everything.”

“Listen, I don’t understand what-..”

“Neither do I,” Yu pressed, contacting his brows. “I don’t understand what you are and how destroying human lives can bring fun to you.”

The attendant looked at Yu without saying a word, as if testing his conviction, and Yu held the stare, unwavering.

“For me, this was a common job,” the attendant finally said in a completely different, otherworldly voice, face showing no emotions at all. “I wished to test human hearts and minds. This is what gods like me do.”

Yu clenched hands into fists.

“That world was created to reflect the true thoughts and intentions of all the people in this town,” the deity went on. “With it, I wanted to see the attitude of humans to the truth. Whether they would turn away from it, when it is too difficult to comprehend and accept, or try to make peace with it regardless.”

“Why give someone powers to enter that world?”

“I gave them to those three I saw various potentials in. I wished to observe how each of you take your own, different path.” There was a hint of discontent on the impassive face. “However, it seems that I have overestimated all three of you, and especially ‘emptiness’. The moment he lost the will to fulfill his initial role, he could no longer be a vessel.”

Yu suspected that by the ‘moment’ the mysterious being meant last Saturday, but the last word in the phrase was more than just confusing to him.

“A vessel?”

“He used to be under the slight influence of a power that he was unaware of. But it no longer matters.”

“It does matter,” Yu contradicted at once, his look sullen. “If along with the powers to enter the TV world you handed us down something that could affect our lives if even a little, this isn’t just ‘observation’.”

The deity addressed him a meaningful glare.

“Would you have preferred to live your life in this town without any of the connections you have made?”

The wrinkle between Yu’s brows deepened.

“I felt a strong hope in you. Hope to build a new life, from the beginning. That is why I gave you the spark that attracted all the people you have ultimately made bonds with and who now share the powers with you.”

Yu sensed a twinge in his chest, as his whole world was shaken. He had always been aware of his luck and, just as he’d put it in his talk with Adachi a few months ago, believed that he got a chance to connect with the people in Inaba thanks to the murder case. But now that he heard the deity’s words, he couldn’t help but wonder if there was any room left for his own role in making any of his bonds at all.

“Since you initially harbored this hope, I supported it in you to let you continue on your journey. The other two had complex emotions, but didn’t have any hope left.”

“..So you just left them be,” Yu ground his teeth. “You arranged _my_ comfort that I should’ve worked on myself because I wasn’t broken in any way. And abandoned those two, who needed some kind of a supportive ‘spark’ much more than me, letting them both take themselves to the edge.”

“Thinking about what people need and giving it to them is not my job.”

“Unless this is a part of a scenario. And you need a ‘hero’.”

The being was absolutely unfazed by Yu’s obvious frustration.

“As I have said, I overestimated your worth for the role as well. I did not have many expectations of humanity from the beginning, but I still gave you the chance to act on the behalf of the exceptions. Yet, you are undermining your potential by not fighting for the truth.”

“I’m uncovering it right here and now,” Yu retorted at once. “Because in the end, the truth is in your existence and interference. Without you, nothing would have gone this far.”

“Will you continue to cover up for the ‘emptiness’ for this very reason as well?”

He stumbled over his own thoughts and didn’t reply.

“You have purposefully missed a number of opportunities to share what only _you_ know with your comrades,” the deity elaborated. “Your mind is hesitating and you do not have the strength to make a choice in regard to the ‘emptiness’.”

“Stop calling him that,” without even noticing it, Yu narrowed his eyes and lowered the tone of his voice. “And stay away from my mind.”

Completely unimpressed with his words and emotions, the otherworldly figure went on.

“As it stands now, you are the one who hides the ‘truth’ that you were supposed to advocate. You have decided to go after me only to stall for time, because you have neither confidence nor determination to act against ‘emptiness’. I cannot fully comprehend the reasons, but it is obvious to me that you are wasting your potential.”

“If this is a potential you were drawn to, then I don’t mind wasting it,” Yu replied relentlessly. “You may call it ‘stalling for time’ all you want. But what I’m doing here is trying to understand the full situation in order to make a decision that _I_ will consider the right one. Not a decision I’m supposed to make, according to some god or to some role I have to play in their game.”

The being fell silent for a few moments before announcing:

“I have arrived to the conclusions from this situation. You are no longer in a position to change the humanity’s destiny, and you are free from your role. Hopefully, you realize that going against a god is utterly meaningless.”

The next moment, the deity started to melt in the air and soon vanished completely.

Yu didn’t move for almost a minute, his eyes staring into nothingness in front of him. What he learned about his ‘spark’ got to him more than he wished it did. Even with all the hope he still had in him, he could hardly think of anything mildly reassuring at the moment. The more he contemplated, the more his mind was getting poisoned by the idea that each and every bond he had made wasn’t fully deserved.

Save for one that was obviously not influenced by the ‘spark’ at all.

On impulse, Yu got his phone out of the back pants pocket, opened it, and dialed the very first number in the contact list. He patiently waited until the call was dropped – just as he knew it would be – and redialed right away.

After a third, almost immediate, drop in a row, Yu opened the messaging menu. He waited for half a minute after sending a text and, with his eyes shut, dialed again.

When the trilling sound ceased and he could hear silence instead of a frustrating repeated note of a dropped call, he opened his eyes.

“I’ve found the mastermind,” he said, surprised at how composed he sounded despite everything going on in his head.

There was a pause.

“That’s what your text said,” Adachi replied, his voice as detached as Yu heard it last time two days ago.

He took a few moments to collect his thoughts and then orderly shared everything he just learned.

The detective didn’t say anything until Yu finished talking. And remained quiet for some time after too.

“Why are you telling me all this?” he sighed at last.

Yu knitted his brow in confusion.

“Because it all has a lot to do with you too. This doesn’t involve me alone.”

“You’ve got a bunch of friends who’d be way more interested in that story and justice to that ‘god’ than I am.”

Pursing his lips, Yu didn’t reply and heard a weak scoff.

“What, you’ve got so hung up on that spark, you’re ready to cut off all your precious bonds now?”

“I’m not, but I can’t just pretend I haven’t heard anything,” he said, closing his eyes again. “If that thing influenced the others just like that ‘power’ could’ve influenced you, then-..”

“Just so we’re clear,” Adachi’s cold voice didn’t let him finish, “I don’t feel like I got freed of some brainwashing influence or anything. I was in complete control of myself this whole time.”

“This didn’t have to be something that anyone could easily notice. It could’ve been a slight push or a planted thought..” Yu trailed off. “Nobody noticed my spark after all, including me.”

“Are you justifying me to yourself again or surrendering to the idea that your bonds are fake?” the detective asked without any actual interest present in his voice.

Yu sighed.

“I can’t do one without the other if we both had these additional ‘powers’,” he had to admit. “And I know I said that our actions are our own responsibility, no matter what. If we had been simply given out the roles without any interference, my words would still stand, but...”

He stumbled over his own thoughts again and heard another exhausted sigh.

“Playing right into somebody’s hand, huh? It's pretty obvious that this thing wants you to face it without your little team, y'know.”

“I’ve got no right to call them along, knowing they’ve practically been dragged into this because of me,” Yu shook his head. “And I don't even know how they will react when they find out about it.”

“So much for your precious mutual trust,” Adachi answered with a short mirthless laugh. “Well, if you don't mind losing, keep it up. As you could've guessed, I’m not joining you on your righteous crusade. I’ve got enough things on my hands already.”

His lips pressed together, Yu didn't say anything. He knew it from the start, before he made the very first call.

He didn't even understand _why_ he insisted on this talk regardless.

“..So what if that spark started it?” the detective suddenly spoke again, his voice low. “In July, you told me that you felt obliged to the killer for your lucky comfort. What difference does this new revelation make for you anyway?”

Yu blinked in surprise. He expected Adachi to hang up right after making it clear he's not in for any teamwork.

“And like I keep saying, _all_ human relationships are fake. No one ever knows how they get close to someone and why they stick together. All they do is play along while it's fun and easy, and then either quit or go on pretending.” He paused. “But you still love all that stuff, right? So why not forget about what you’ve heard from that ‘god’ and just keep clinging to the naïve ‘strength of the bonds’ that you’re so crazy about?”

He knew Adachi had no reason to say something like that or anything at all and wasn’t sure how to interpret it.

“I choose to believe that whatever that ‘power’ inside me was, it had from little to nothing to do with what I said or did for the past half a year,” the detective concluded. “You’ve got the same freedom of choice here. Now get on with making one.”

Yu could almost tell _this_ was definitely the end of the conversation, but after a short pause he heard the low voice again.

“..And after all this, don't you dare get yourself killed. Dumbass.”

Before Yu got any chance to say anything, the silence on the other end was replaced by a short signal that marked the end of the call for sure.

Still baffled, he slowly took the phone away from his ear. Something was telling him he most likely wouldn’t have come up with a reply anyway.

After he blankly stared at the screen for a few more moments, he tightened the grip on the phone and started to look up Yosuke’s number in the book. The plan to ask everyone to gather at the food court again and explore the TV in search of the mysterious deity was settled in his mind.


	11. Chapter 11

“That’s what you get for messing with us!” Yosuke exclaimed when everyone, exhausted, returned from the TV world and stepped back into the electronics department.

“Sheesh, I can’t believe we fought a god, though,” Chie rubbed her sore shoulder, looking not only tired, but also massively confused. “I mean, isn’t it a bit of an overkill?”

“As you’ve put it before, senpai, we’ve encountered plenty of unbelievable creatures up until now,” Naoto smiled and Kanji joined in.

“And god or not – we’ll still kick their ass if they start actin’ crazy!”

“Speaking of ‘crazy’,” Yosuke turned back to Chie and flashed a grin at her. “That was one hell of an attack!”

“Yes, Chie, that was beautiful!” Yukiko nodded enthusiastically.

“Yeah, you saw that?! I didn’t even know I could do something so powerful!” Chie snickered. “But hey, we all showed some cool moves out there, right?”

“I’d say mine dealt un- _bear_ -able damage!”

“That stuff about us being friends with senpai only ‘cause of some god’s weird power really got to us all, huh,” Rise let out a soft chuckle.

“Yeah, hearin’ that bullshit really fired me up, dammit!”

“You might have been a little too reckless even, Kanji-kun,” Naoto smiled with her eyes closed.

As the team were discussing the recent fight, praising each other for some truly remarkable skills, Yu was looking at them with his lips curved in a gentle, proud, yet somewhat sad smile.

He’d voiced the truth about the spark himself, before they entered the TV world, and Izanami brought it up later as well – but everyone just confidently shrugged it all off, twice, denying any kind of meddling with their emotions. A part of Yu was grateful, yet the other part was constantly getting back to the issue while they were proceeding through Yomotsu Hirasaka.

Eventually, his distress left him no other option but to settle for a low-key supporting role in the battle, which wasn’t typical of him at all. His tacit stepping down as the leader didn’t have any major impact, though. All his friends were already strong enough to not need a ‘hero’, who’d have to take it all on by himself.

“Sensei?”

Yu considered the idea of discussing the whole situation openly, but couldn’t see how any talk would resolve anything. He didn’t want to hear heartfelt persuasions and remain unable to truly believe in them. Because in the end, nothing could be changed. The knowledge about some force that could have attracted the others to him was enough to make Yu forever keep on questioning his own merit in building the bonds he cherished so much.

This was the first time talking things through with the others seemed meaningless to him and the realization of it felt unsettling, going against his own core beliefs. But all he had left was to somehow deal with everything in his head on his own.

A sudden memory flashed through his mind and Yu wondered whether his conclusion was similar to what Adachi once said about everyone ultimately being alone, no matter what.

“Earth to Sensei??”

He shook his head, trying to stop the dangerous train of thoughts, and fixed his eyes on Teddie, who was staring at him with obvious agitation. The others were looking at him too, surprised at the sight of their leader zoning out.

Yu could tell they all _still_ considered him their leader despite his inept passivity during the fight and it made him feel mortified.

“Looks like that battle really took a toll on us,” Yosuke gave Yu a pat on the shoulder. “Should we call it a day and discuss that thing Naoto’s worried about later?”

Yu looked at Naoto and, thankfully, she realized that he wasn’t listening without making him admit it aloud.

“I don’t think there’s any point in discussing it right now. After all, we only know that by ‘hope’ Izanami meant senpai. Given the mental state of Namatame, I’d say he’s the ‘despair’. Just as we thought, there is someone else, but we still have nothing that would point at them.”

“ ‘Emptiness’, huh,” Chie murmured. “Why does this sound more.. sad than bad?”

“Same’s with ‘despair’, right?” Yosuke shrugged. “Some ‘sad’ can turn ‘bad’.”

“That’s just the way it is with Shadows most of the time,” Teddie gave a confident nod.

“But what if that god was lying?” Yukiko suggested, earning puzzled looks from everyone. “What if she actually started it all with the first two cases, on purpose, and tried to cover them up by saying there was someone else?”

“Well, uh, why’d she do it?” Kanji scratched the back of his head. “I mean, she wasn’t tryin’a hide her plans to destroy the world or anythin’…”

“Maybe she was really pissed at senpai and wanted to keep us off track?” Rise furrowed her forehead. “Remember her going on and on about how she gave him that power that was supposed to lure us, how he didn’t met her expectations and stuff?”

“Yeah, and how he’s lost ‘the view of the truth’,” Yosuke scoffed. “If you think about it, she did say a lot of crap...”

Yu pressed his lips tight. Initially, he planned to resolve all his inner doubts and reveal the real killer’s identity after dealing with the puppeteer. But with his entire world turned upside down, the suddenly emerged opportunity of leaving Izanami to blame for everything started to look like a valid option to him.

After all, she was indeed the one who instigated everything and pushed everyone into their roles. If not for her, there would’ve been no murders at all.

With each passing moment, the decision Yu couldn’t have allowed himself to make just a few hours ago was becoming more and more acceptable in his mind. He didn’t know if this change was because of what he learnt about himself and his power from Izanami or because of his recent conversation with Adachi.

He didn’t even know if this wasn’t what he _really_ wanted to do from the very moment he uncovered the truth.

Clenching his fists, Yu reminded himself that this indeed would be a cover up, a lie, and a betrayal of everyone on the team. He couldn’t change or deny the fact that his attitude to Adachi was different, but he also genuinely treasured all of his friends. And keeping something this important from them seemed too cruel.

What’s more, his silence would mean agreeing with Namatame's charges, prosecutable or not, even though he _knew_ that the man didn't kill anyone. Yu realized that he’d have to forever carry the blame for doing something like this to an innocent person.

No matter how hard he contemplated, each of the two options felt just as wrong as it felt right.

A buzzing phone dragged Yu out of his hopeless attempts to make a decision. He got the cell phone out of his pocket and, after noticing his uncle’s name on the screen, took the call.

“Yeah?”

“Yu.” A meaningful pause. “Can you come to the station right now?”

His brow furrowed, Yu glanced at the others.

“Did something happen?”

The silence was too long for a usual Dojima.

“We’ve got a new suspect on the case,” he sighed at last.

Stunned, Yu could only make one conclusion from these two phrases and didn’t know how to react. Being accused and shamed by some malevolent god was one thing, but being suddenly suspected and interrogated by his uncle – was a whole another prospect.

He didn’t even get enough time to start doubting the only person who could’ve potentially given Dojima such a hint as his uncle started to elaborate the previous vague line on his own.

“I realize this will be quite a shock and it’d probably be better to give you some time alone instead.. but.. only you knew him well, so I really need to ask you some questions asap.”

In a split second, Yu could feel his insides freeze. A lump in his throat, he forced himself to take a slow breath – but didn’t feel like it helped to stop his mind from reeling.

“Who’s ‘he’?” Yu heard himself reluctantly ask the question he already knew – yet dreaded to hear – the answer to.

There was another long pause. Another heavy sigh.

“Adachi. He’s turned himself in as the perp for the first two cases.”

Slamming his eyes shut, Yu sensed his chest grow heavy with untenable pain.

Dojima gave him the time to recover from shock and didn’t demand a quick answer.

“..I’ll be right there,” Yu muttered at last.

“Thanks. Ask the room at the front desk.”

Yu nodded, forgetting Dojima couldn’t see him, and hung up. After slowly turning to face the team, he saw their worried expressions and realized that his talk sounded just as terrifying to them as it was for him.

“I have to go,” he said feebly, trying to at least appear calm.

“Hey, what happened?” Yosuke stopped Yu by putting a hand on his shoulder when he made a step toward the exit.

“Can we help, Sensei?”

“Is Nanako-chan okay?” Chie followed.

“She’s okay. Uncle too. I’ll-..” feeling dizzy, Yu took an extra breath, “..I’ll tell you all later.”

“Tohru Adachi surrendered as the perpetrator of the first two murder cases two hours ago,” Naoto spoke up, making Yu’s heart clench at the sound of the full statement.

The team looked at Naoto in disbelief and she put her cell phone up, confused just as much as everyone else.

“I’ve just received a text with an update from the department. I don’t think I can get any more details before tomorrow.”

“W-what?” Yosuke let out a nervous chuckle. “This can’t be. He’s just messing with everyone, right?”

“He may be a dork,” Chie contacted her brow, “but he’s a police officer.”

For her, this fact alone was enough to disprove any possible guilt.

“Right,” Yukiko joined in. “And he’s Dojima-san’s friend, too.”

Everyone looked at Yu, as if waiting for him to say something in Adachi’s defense. Staggered as he was, Yu understood that doing so meant pretending he’d been unaware of the truth all this time. Not just staying quiet about it, but straight out telling a lie.

“Hey, he’s shocked way more than us, guys,” Yosuke nudged Yu’s shoulder. “Just.. go there and find out what’s up with that bad joke, partner. And let us know if you learn or need anything, okay?”

Everyone nodded in support, looking at him with genuine compassion, and Yu couldn’t tell if he would’ve felt worse if he lied. He felt horrible as it was.

“..Thanks,” hiding his eyes, he nodded to everyone back and hurried to the stairs, ignoring the elevator in his restlessness.

 

***

 

Upon asking the room number at the front desk, like Dojima told him to, Yu headed to the third floor. He took the stairs again, even though his muscles were still aching after the long journey in the TV world. Had the battle happened on a different day, he definitely wouldn’t have had the energy for anything apart from getting back home and crashing on his futon. But the thought about exhaustion didn’t even cross his mind since the moment he received his uncle’s call.

He walked through a long hall until he finally found the room he needed. Yu knocked and, once he heard Dojima’s voice, stepped inside.

The room was a small cube, lit by a table lamp on the desk with a pair of chairs at both of its sides. Dojima was sitting at the far end, his right palm covering the forehead and fingers massaging the temples.

Without waiting for any courtesy his uncle was obviously not in the condition to think about, Yu approached the desk and sat down on the chair at the opposite end.

They were both silent for almost a minute.

“What was it you two usually talked about?” Dojima asked at last, taking his hand away from his face. His eyes looked deadly exhausted, finally reminding Yu about how worn out he was himself.

He thought back to his conversations with Adachi, trying to name certain topics.

“Life in the city, interaction with people, ideals and goals..” Yu shook his head: there was just too much stuff they used to discuss. “..Life in general, I guess.”

After seeing a confused look on Dojima’s face, he added:

“Adachi-san isn’t as plain-hearted as he’d like to appear in the others’ eyes. He sticks to his own principles and has an opinion on almost everything. He may look carefree or just lazy most of the time, but it doesn’t mean there’s nothing more complex under the surface.”

“Like the fact that he’s a murderer?” Dojima furrowed his brow.

Yu closed his eyes and exhaled.

“Is there any evidence proving it’s him?”

He felt guilty for playing the ignorant part, but realized that there was hardly any meaning in admitting his privity at this point. Moreover, speaking up could cause more trouble for Adachi, creating inconsistencies in the statement he’d already made. From Dojima’s attitude so far it was evident that Adachi never mentioned Yu in any way.

“Nothing yet. But the circumstances are strangely fitting. And as long as we have his confession, we can’t treat this lightly.” Shaking his head, Dojima sat back and let out an irritated sigh. “I can’t go into details with you, but his side of the story is absolutely crazy. It’s like he’s just mocking us with that completely solemn face.” Dojima’s gaze shifted to the side and the tone of his voice dropped. “He’s being questioned by a psychiatrist right now, and we still have to get Namatame and organize a voice identification line-up. But some department in Public Safety already showed serious interest in all that gibberish we reported.”

Knitting his brow, Yu wondered what governmental agency could’ve gotten interested in Adachi’s version of events if he revealed everything, including the TV and the Shadows. Which he must have done since the police turned to a psychiatrist right after the first interrogation.

“I don’t get him at all,” Dojima brought the right hand to his face, starting to rub his temples again. “I can’t tell what runs through that idiot’s head. First, he suddenly points at Namatame’s name in that old list of suspects. Then he spends almost every night at the station, helping me collect the papers for a search warrant. Then disappears for three days and comes back with the craziest confession.” He let out a weary sigh. “Has he seriously gone nuts from overworking or what?”

Yu couldn’t blame his uncle for feeling frustrated. From Dojima’s point of view, there was absolutely no logic in any of Adachi’s actions at all. But apart from this frustration Yu saw Dojima’s genuine desire to _understand_ , which was just as obvious, as the anxiety in his voice two days earlier, when Adachi disappeared.

“His phone shows that you were the last one to give him a call.”

Had Dojima seen the weird text, he would’ve asked about it at once, and Yu assumed that Adachi deliberately deleted the message before surrendering.

“Yeah. I called him to ask if he still felt sick and needed anything.”

“Did he sound any different from usual?”

His thoughts stuck on the past conversation, Yu felt a sting of regret for having been too fixed on his own problems to pay enough attention to the changes in Adachi’s mood.

“A little out of it. But I thought it was natural, given his condition,” Yu answered, implying the detective’s listlessness rather than a cold that was obviously a cover-up.

It was this state of apathy he left Adachi in on Saturday night that made Yu believe he had plenty of time. The realization that because of all the delays in taking a decision he actually lost a chance to make one at all was starting to plague him.

But at the same time, deep down inside, he felt relieved that he didn’t have to make this decision on his own. The more he contemplated about everything, the more he felt incapable of impartially taking a side.

Yu slowly lifted his gaze from the table.

“Did Adachi-san ever tell you why he was transferred to Inaba?”

Dojima gave him a puzzled look.

“I read it was some case that he insisted to reopen, was assigned to lead and failed to make any progress on.” He scratched his chin, inadvertently drawing Yu’s attention to the stubble of more than the usual three days. “Strangely, there’s no precise info, but what I managed to find in the reports seemed insufficient for a demotion he got.” Dojima fixed his eyes on Yu. “Do you know something about that case?”

“He told me about it,” Yu nodded. “But I’m not sure I have the right to retell it, so maybe you should-..”

“Maybe _you_ should just spit it out,” Dojima’s voice raised as he could barely control his emotions. “I’m not calling this an ‘interrogation’ just because you’re my nephew. But this is a police station, Yu. So if you have the info, answer my questions.”

Inwardly, Yu sighed at the failed attempt to let Dojima learn the story firsthand and demonstrate his concern, erasing all Adachi’s doubts about its existence. Still, Yu couldn’t be sure Adachi would’ve easily opened up about the case to his senior partner. The detective had his own agenda when he decided to share the story with Yu, after all.

He tried to sum everything up as much as possible, but there were just too many small details that mattered, so retelling the entire story took Yu about ten minutes. Dojima didn’t interrupt him, not even once, and seemed even more confused after hearing everything out than he had been before.

“I think this whole incident could’ve influenced him quite a lot,” Yu said, remembering how Adachi mentioned the ‘lessons’ that he learned from the case.

“By ‘a lot’, do you mean enough to make him capable of killing two innocent women?” Dojima asked after a short pause.

Biting his lip, Yu pondered over his answer before closing his eyes and slowly exhaling.

“..I don’t want this to be true.”

The fact that he already knew it _was_ didn’t change this wish one bit.

“Neither do I,” Dojima gave a solemn nod. “That’s why I called you in here and am trying to understand what’s going on in that guy’s head.”

For a while, they both stayed silent.

“The case story is ugly,” Dojima admitted. “Now I can see why he didn’t want to take anything seriously after being sent here. To be honest, I’m not sure how I would’ve chosen to act in his place. But no matter what, that case-..”

“Isn’t an excuse for anything,” Yu finished his uncle’s thought.

“Right,” Dojima nodded. “Especially not for committing crimes like the ones he’s confessing in. If what he’s telling now is true, it doesn’t matter whether anything influenced him or not.” He quietly exhaled. “Unless he’s diagnosed as unstable, he’s responsible for all the actions, whatever they were.”

Yu was well aware there was no chance for him to share the whole truth – it would’ve simply made him second in line for a psychiatric analysis, not more than that. Still, he couldn’t but wonder what Dojima’s opinion on the matter would’ve been had he seen the entire picture. Being the only one to know about Izanami’s power that used to dwell in Adachi’s mind, Yu was unable to tell if this knowledge was a good enough reason to make him question the meaning of ‘justice’ or he indeed ended up losing the ‘right way’.

“This is all based on just ‘if’s, and I’m not sure we’ll be able to get rid of this conditionality any time soon,” Dojima went on after a short pause, “but I wanted to ask you one last thing.”

Yu nodded and his uncle’s expression turned even more sullen.

“If it all _were_ true,” Dojima started carefully, his brow furrowed, “why, do you think, he’d suddenly decide to turn himself in?”

The question was identical to Yu’s immediate reaction after learning the news. He felt too overwhelmed to think about it up until hearing this ‘why’ again, aloud. But realized he couldn’t give a confident ‘because’ even to himself.

“I’d want to believe he felt that it all went too far,” Yu said after taking his time with a reply, “and wished to put a stop to it.”

He couldn’t voice it, but he suspected that this was Adachi’s radical way of withdrawing - from both the 'game' and reality - and shutting everyone – especially Yu – out.  

“That’s what I’d want to believe in too,” Dojima muttered and covered his face with the palm again. “But I’m still questioning the whole thing ‘cause I just can’t picture him as that sort of guy…”

His lips pressed together, Yu said nothing in response.

“You may go now,” his uncle sighed at last, motioning to the door with the free hand. “Thanks for that story. I doubt it will be useful for the current case, but it sure was useful for me,” he said before quietly adding: “..Wish I asked you or him about it earlier.”

Yu kept the surprise at this kind of sincerity to himself and slowly stood up from the chair.

“Will he be allowed visitors?”

“No, not in the nearest time. And if that department gets involved, the isolated questioning can last a few weeks,” Dojima shook his head in the anticipation of all the trouble to come. “You’ve got something I should tell him?”

Yu shook his head.

“I think I’ll wait till seeing him in person.”

After he turned around and touched the doorknob, he heard the voice behind his back again.

“..Oh, damn. Wait a sec, Yu.”

He turned back again and raised his eyebrows in a silent question.

“With how I haven’t been home properly this past week, I forgot to tell you something,” Dojima pursed his lips for a moment. “Remember our deal about talking to your mother about your career in the force?”

Yu gave a silent nod and his uncle exhaled.

“Well, she called a few days ago to check up on you. And I.. finally brought that up.”

By how Dojima fell silent after saying that, Yu could tell the call didn’t end well.

“You had a fight?”

“Yeah, you may say so,” Dojima had complex emotions on his face, as if he was struggling to say something. Which wasn’t like him at all. “She.. Well, she said that she’s getting you ‘away from the bad influence’ back to the city in early December.”

Yu was too devastated to even try searching for a reaction.

“Sorry for this,” Dojima added with a heavy sigh. “I’ll try talking to her again, but.. just so you know, your early leave is a possibility.”

Yu just nodded again, this time almost mechanically. He knew his own mother well enough to understand that she never said anything in the heat of a moment. It was almost clear that Dojima realized this about his sister too, but tried to downplay the situation a little anyway.

“Don’t tell Nanako about it yet, okay?”

“I won’t,” Yu promised in a low voice, agreeing that Nanako would be hurt by the news even more than he already was.

“Thanks. I’ll tell her myself when things get straight. And I’ll let you know when you can visit Adachi.” Dojima paused for a second. “If you’ll still want to do it later, that is. You’ve got the right to not want to ever see him if the progress we make with his case is.. discouraging.”

“Please let me know, no matter what the progress is,” Yu confidently shook his head. The imminent odds of him going back to the city before being allowed to talk to Adachi were already gnawing at him.

“All right. Let’s hope you’ll get the chance before moving back,” Dojima said as if reading his nephew’s thoughts. “And.. Yu, I won’t be home tonight again, so-..”

“I’ll let Nanako know,” he nodded. “She and I are pretty much used to getting by on our own, so don’t worry.”

Because of his growing fatigue from all the bad news piling up, Yu blurted the last line out without thinking and noticed a bitter smile on his uncle’s face.

“..Yeah. I guess you are,” Dojima cast his eyes down.

“Sorry, I didn’t-..”

Dojima stopped him mid-sentence by raising a hand.

“No, it’s fine. I’m well aware I’m a failure as family. It just stings a little more now that I see I’m one as a partner, too.” He let out a mirthless laugh. “Looks like I’ve lost my people skills. If I ever had any at all.”

Yu pursed his lips, unsure what to say.

“You know, I always wondered how you managed to easily make so many close friends of different ages and personalities in less than half a year,” Dojima added, unknowingly touching a sore spot in return. “But.. listening to you talk about Adachi here made me realize that it’s probably all thanks to your determination to know and truly understand others.” He chuckled weakly again. “And not when it’s already too late, like me, but when it really counts.”

Shaking his head, Yu heaved a silent sigh.

“I’m not sure my determination is enough,” he muttered. “I thought I got to know Adachi-san well and could finally understand him. But there was still a part of him I overlooked.”

He wasn’t even sure what part he meant exactly – the one he got to know in the TV world or the one that made the final and unexpected decision for him.

“..Guess people are just that complex,” Dojima exhaled after a few moments, leaning back in his chair. “No matter how much we try to get them, there will still be some side of them that we don’t know about. What’s important is that you _did_ try.”

The silent _“while I didn’t”_ in the air made it clear for Yu that there was little he could do about the burden of guilt his uncle willingly intended to carry.

Slowly, he turned back to the door.

“Is there really nothing you want me to relay to him?”

His hand on the doorknob, Yu paused to think once again.

“ ‘I’ll be sure to make the rest of the choices on my own’,” he said after a few moments, staring blankly at the door in front of him. “Can you tell him I said this?”

“Yeah. I will,” despite his slight confusion, Dojima spared him any follow-up questions.

With a thankful nod, Yu softly pushed the door and left the room.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know that 'the protag is always the coolest' is an RPG thing, but all-powerful characters are just dull. And even if Yu didn't enjoy it, I wanted him to have this moment of weakness, where he had to stand back. Even a leader has the right to do it and only a cool (and lucky) one can get himself a team that will fully compensate for him.  
> Also, the concept of 'friends/bonds giving you power' is nice and all, but since I'm a damn individualist, how about.. each friend having huge power of their own within them and being able to stand up for what/who they believe in to the end? Yep.
> 
> Chapters 12 and 13 will be in one batch (ch.13 is just a short epilogue-scene actually, I just want to keep it separately because of the mood.) The sad human being will obviously be back.


	12. Chapter 12

With how uncluttered, almost half-empty his room always looked, Yu was surprised to pack three full boxes of his belongings. Some new items from the Okina city store added up to the initial amount of his clothes. Stuff from his shelf turned out to be bulky too. But the largest addition – both in terms of weight and number – were books. Yu didn’t have enough time to finish all of those he bought and leaving them behind felt like a waste.

After making sure he put the essentials in his travel bag, he checked his phone, hoping to see a text notification he’d been waiting for since morning. An empty left corner of the status bar made him glance at the clock on the right, only to see there were less three hours left until hoping for a text would be meaningless at all.

“Big bro, someone’s at the door.”

He knitted his brow, having no idea who the unexpected visitor was, and exited the room.

“Did dad call already?” Standing on the first floor, Nanako spotted a phone in Yu’s hand as he was going down the stairs.

“No, not yet. He’ll send a text if it works out.”

“But,” Nanako looked sadly at the paper bag on the sofa. “I’ve already packed the things you gave me...”

With a smile, Yu put a hand on top of her head.

“Thanks. And don’t worry, I’ve still got time.”

Once Nanako smiled back at him, Yu headed to the entrance.

He slid the door open and saw Yosuke, in his winter anorak, surrounded by the four-o’clock dusk.

“Hey, partner!” he grinned. “Took you long enough. Packing things?”

“Hey, yeah, I finished not so long ago,” Yu shook his head with a laugh. “It’s good that I had the last day free from school. Didn’t know I had so much stuff to pack until I started putting everything in the boxes.”

“Oh, I know what you’re talking about,” Yosuke rolled his eyes. “Moving here from the city was literal torture for me. And so is every cleaning day…” he muttered, but then immediately cast a gloomy topic aside and smiled. “But! Since you’re finished, I suggest taking a small break by… joining us at the hot springs! We’ve booked a large room tonight for the team to relax and,” Yosuke’s grin got a little shaky, “enjoy your company for the last time, I guess, hah. Well, not the _last_ time, but..” confused, he ruffled his hair, “you know.. with how you can’t tell if your folks let you visit during the winter break, it’s hard to tell when we’ll see you next time...”

Lips pressed together, Yu felt conflicted. The previous week was busy because of the finals so the group barely spent any time together. The entire November was also a mess: the case outcome and his impending leave was something the team tried not to bring up in the conversations, but it was difficult to ignore the tensed mood every time they met. Finding other common topics in this sort of atmosphere felt somehow difficult, too.

Yu would’ve been glad to have a farewell party regardless, to erase all the mixed emotions of the last month. But he wished this happened on a different day.

“Sorry, Yosuke, I’m afraid I can’t go right now,” softly but confidently, Yu shook his head. “Can we go later in the evening? At around 7?”

Yosuke’s expression was even more disappointed than Yu imagined it would be.

“Man, no way! We figured you’d be ready by this time. If you need help with packing, I can-..”

“No, I’m already done with that, it’s just that I’ll probably need to-..”

At that moment, he felt his phone vibrate and hurriedly opened it to check the new message. After reading it, he closed his phone with a quiet sigh of relief and put it in his pants pocket.

“..-I need to come to the station for some residence paperwork,” he lied unwillingly and turned back to the living room. “Nanako, will you please bring me the bag?”

Yu took his grey winter coat and a scarf from the hanger and started to put them on. Just when he adjusted the scarf, Nanako brought him a carefully packed paper bag.

“Oh, hey, Nanako-chan,” Yosuke forced a cheerful tone to greet her.

“Hi,” she gave him her usual flustered smile in return and handed Yu the bag. “Daddy made it work, right?”

Yu took the bag in his right hand and nodded.

“Yeah. Looks like he did.”

He really felt grateful to his uncle: from such a late message, it was more than obvious just how many things had to be dealt with in order to get the approval.

“..I know it’s our fault for not telling you beforehand,” Yosuke muttered, as Yu was already putting on his shoes. “But we just wanted to go for a surprise party. And we somehow were completely sure you’d be free on the second half of the day before leaving.. which was probably really stupid and wrong, sorry...”

Yu straightened his back and faced Yosuke again. For a split second, he wished he could’ve just instantly created another copy of himself. But the realization that he would’ve still had to decide where his copy and he himself should go left Yu even more conflicted.

“Hey, don’t apologize. We can still make it work, right?” he said, giving Yosuke a soothing smile. “I’ll be free in about two hours.”

After dropping ‘I’m off’ to Nanako, he stepped outside with the bag in his hands and closed the door.

“Yeah,” Yosuke was pursing his lips while making slow steps toward the fence alongside Yu. “If we head to the hot springs at once, we’ll get there by 8. Although, Yukiko mentioned she’d need to leave at 9 because of the night shift in the inn... And we all have to be back by midnight or so, because your train’s tomorrow early in the morning…”

As Yosuke kept musing about the possibilities aloud, it was getting more and more obvious for Yu that postponing the party meant spoiling it to at least some extent.

“Crap, we really should’ve listened to Naoto and told you beforehand,” Yosuke stopped near the fence and covered his face with his palm in frustration.

Yu wasn’t sure if saying that it wouldn’t have changed much was appropriate. It could’ve lifted the burden from Yosuke’s shoulders, but also showed that Yu was adamant in his plans for the day.

The moment he parted his lips to say something comforting to his tormented friend the door behind him opened again.

“Big bro!” Nanako, who hastily put on her shoes, ran up to him with a small parcel in her hands. “I forgot to take them out of the fridge. There’s one for dad, too. You said you’ll see him before visiting Adachi-san, right?”

Almost sensing Yosuke’s confused stare from the side, Yu drew his lower lip between his teeth.

“..Is everything okay?”

He crouched down near Nanako, took the parcel with three lunch boxes and put them in the bag.

“Yeah. I’ll go see uncle first so I’ll be sure to give it to him,” he smiled at her gently and motioned to the house. “Thanks. Now get back quick, it’s freezing here.”

She nodded and hurried back home.

“..Did she say ‘Adachi’ just now?”

Still facing the house, Yu couldn’t see Yosuke’s expression but could clearly hear the change in his voice.

“Don’t tell me.. you’re going to the station to see that jerk?”

After he straightened his back, Yu let the silence linger for a while and then, still facing the other way, gave a slight nod. At this point, trying to cover everything up was meaningless anyway.

“Yeah.”

The silence that followed in return was longer and ended with the dull sound of a hand gripping Yu’s shoulder and then making him turn around.

“Are you seriously saying that _this_ is why you can’t go now?! Because you have to go visit a _freaking murderer_?!”

Yosuke’s face was crossed with confusion, pain, and barely restrained anger. Yu could hardly judge any of these emotions.

“..I’m sorry, Yosuke, I really need to,” he closed his eyes. “It was difficult for uncle to get an approval, because visitors are still not allowed, so it’s the last and only day I can go.”

“And it’s the last and only day you can go with _us!_ ”

“And I _am_ going, just a little later.”

“Because we’re less important?”

“You know you aren’t.”

“Your actions say we are! Hell, you even _lied_ to me about going there for some damn paperwork a few minutes ago!”

The anger in Yosuke’s gaze subsided, giving way to even more pain, and Yu closed his eyes again, unable to face it head-on.

“I shouldn’t have lied,” he admitted. “I just didn’t want to hurt you, because I knew you wouldn’t like the idea of me doing this.”

“Who, in their right mind, would?!” Yosuke gave out a bitter laugh. “Of course I don’t like the idea of my best friend consciously choosing a twisted psycho who murdered the girl I liked over me!”

Exhaling, Yu shook his head.

“I know I’m spoiling the party in a way by not going right now. But I’m still going with you. I _want_ to, believe me,” he emphasized. “I’m not choosing anyone over anyone. I just want to talk to him, too. That’s all.”

“You wanna _talk_ to this _garbage_ , Yu?!”

“To a _human being_ , Yosuke,” Yu underlined, his eyes fixed on his friend's face and voice firm.

There was uncomfortable silence between them until Yu let out a sharp breath and tried to explain himself, going back to a milder tone.

“Look. He’s been in isolated custody for more than a month and that’s just a start. His family’s been hanging up on all calls, as if he no longer exists to them. No one from his previous workplace showed up after learning the news either.”

Seeing that he finally managed to get Yosuke to listen to him, Yu continued despite the dull pain he felt as he had to share the details.

“All he’s got now are constant interrogations and those 5 minutes a week when uncle brings him a change of clothes and a lunchbox from Nanako. And it’ll take them months to drag him through a million procedures before giving him a trial where he-..” Yu closed his eyes and finished in a toneless voice, “..most likely receives a life sentence.”

The sound of his own words made Yu feel the same dread he had felt when Dojima had mentioned the possibility for the first time.

“You have the absolute right to hate him,” he added, looking aside. “To say that he deserves it all or that this isn’t even nearly enough to pay back for the deaths of two people. I can’t argue with that.” He sighed. “But I believe he also deserves some compassion. At least from those, who happen to have it.”

Yosuke didn’t say anything for a few moments but Yu could feel the hand on his shoulder slowly loosen its grip.

“..I know you cared about him,” Yosuke muttered at last. “I probably know it better than anyone else, because seeing even tiny signs of this care always bugged me somehow. But..” Yu watched the corner of Yosuke’s mouth nervously quirk up. “It still hurts, for some reason, partner. To see you so generously offer him this care even now.”

Peering in Yosuke’s face, Yu wished for the pained expression to fade away but didn’t know how to help it.

“Yosuke, I’ll be at the Shopping District’s bus stop at 7,” he promised with a soft smile. “We’ll still have enough time to-..”

“I don’t even know why I feel like this,” Yosuke chuckled weakly, dropping his eyes and lowering his voice. “I don’t wanna feel this way…”

Confused, Yu sensed the hand on his shoulder tighten its grip again. It didn’t seem like Yosuke interrupted him on purpose. It felt more as if he were so absorbed in his own thoughts he didn’t even hear Yu speak.

Yu didn’t know what else to say and wasn’t sure Yosuke wanted to listen to him at this point at all.

He couldn’t tell how many moments passed until Yosuke’s hand began to loosen its grip again. When it listlessly slid down, Yu furrowed his brow.

“..Yosuke?”

The silence lingered as Yosuke was looking down, hiding his face. Yu clenched his fists in hopeless agitation, desperately searching for something to say – but to no avail.

He knew this was one of those priority choices he hated to make and Yosuke’s reaction was the reason why he’d always feared to make such choices openly. Hurting his friend felt outright hideous, but at the same time Yu couldn’t force himself to reconsider. The idea of consciously missing the finally emerged opportunity to see Adachi was just as repugnant and impossible to put up with.

He was at a complete loss by the time Yosuke heaved a heavy sigh and slowly looked up.

“Well, I guess..” Yosuke hesitated as he talked, “the more you stand here, the more time we lose..”

Yu stared at his friend with his brow still furrowed in confusion.

“..And the more time we lose, the later we can head out and relax, right?”

Yu’s eyebrows immediately shot up. Taken aback by the words he heard, he didn’t even know how to react.

“Hey. C’mon, don’t give me that look,” Yosuke slightly pat him on the arm, lips curling in a weak smile but eyes filled with some complex emotion that Yu couldn’t decipher. “I just.. guess that if you’ve got things you believe you have to do, I don’t want you to leave this place regretting you didn’t do them. So hurry up to the station then. And make sure you’re finished by 7 as promised.”

Unable to express how grateful he was for the understanding, Yu gave his friend a soft, warm smile.

“Thanks, Yosuke. I’ll be at the bus stop at 7,” he repeated.

“Yeah, see you there,” Yosuke made a few steps away from the residence. “I’ll go tell the others. And I’ll ask Yukiko if she can do something about that leave at 9.”

Still smiling, Yu lowered his chin.

“Yeah. It’d be great if she could.”

“I’ll tell her to send you a text and tell how it goes. Anyway, don’t be late!”

“I won’t!”

As Yosuke was walking away, his silhouette was slowly melting with the dusk. Yu watched him until the figure disappeared completely and then turned around to head out in the opposite direction. He tried to convince himself that his friend’s stooping shoulders were just his imagination, but was almost sure they weren’t.

 

***

 

“Please, have a seat here. I’ll go get him.”

A police officer closed the door from the outside, leaving Yu in a small partition of the visiting room, separated from the other part by a wall with a large and thick glass window. He slowly came up to a narrow ledge right under the window, sat down on a chair in front of it and put the paper bag on the floor.

After Yu waited for a few minutes, the disturbing thought of Adachi not wanting to meet him at all broke into his mind. It seemed ridiculous to be concerned about it only at this point, but the idea threw him into a silent panic regardless. Yosuke’s hurt feelings were a huge price to pay for the visit, so he couldn’t even imagine how he’d feel if the meeting didn’t even occur.

Thankfully, the very next moment the door in the opposite part of the room opened and the same officer Yu spoke to not so long ago led a familiar figure inside. He could see but not hear the officer tell Adachi something and then leave the room. Surprised at that, Yu continued to throw glances at the door, while Adachi was lazily nearing the glass window from his side.

“He said that’s not normally allowed, but since it’s Dojima-san’s request, we’ve got an hour in private,” Adachi clarified after sitting down on the chair in front of the same sort of a ledge that Yu had in his part of the room, and slowly put both his hands on the flat surface, letting the handcuffs give out a metallic clank. “For whatever reason.”

He looked even more devastated than when Yu saw him last time, more than a month ago. The hair and clothes were disheveled, the tie knotted with plain indifference. His voice, coming from the sound holes in the glass window, gave out a weird artificial feeling too, but Yu wrote it off as the room’s acoustic effect.

“Well, woah. Looks like you’re still alive and got time to waste,” Adachi’s lips formed a weak smirk. “Congratulations, I guess.”

“I don’t think you’re in any way surprised to see me alive and well,” Yu slowly shook his head. Strangely enough, he felt like he could finally grasp the tone of the conversation with Adachi in his true colors and not get cornered by him.

He heard a scoff in some sort of appreciation of his straightforward reply.

“Do you mean that I knew you’d finish that thing off? Or that I must’ve understood it from that cryptic message Dojima-san relayed to me about a month ago?” Adachi closed his eyes and clicked his tongue. “Man, I had to tell him about that career path talk we’d had with you in fall so I could assure him you were referring to that choice I "helped" you with. What were you even thinking by saying that line, huh?”

Unwillingly, Yu admitted that he was too quick to think he had the upper hand in the dialogue.

“But yeah, I pretty much realized you’d be fine then. Great teamwork and all, _leader_ ,“ Adachi smirked lazily again. “So, you calmed down with that ‘fake bonds’-business eventually?”

It was unusual to see Adachi actively support a conversation, and Yu’s bafflement at it might have surfaced because the next moment he heard an explanatory side-remark.

“I simply don’t mind talking about whatever that isn’t the murders for a while. It’s been just a month, but I’m bored sick of it. Not sure what’s the reason you’ve come here, but that’s basically why _I_ have.”

Yu pondered over his answer to a recent question for a while.

“I don’t see how I can ever calm down about it for good, but I’m trying to come to terms with it, more or less. I want to focus on what’s been built so far and make sure I don’t lose it.”

“Wait, you actually chose _to believe_ in that ‘spark’?” Adachi didn’t even try to hide the insolence in his voice.

Yu rubbed the back of his neck, realizing that it would be somewhat difficult to explain.

“That day on the phone, you asked me about the difference between giving the credit for my comfort to you and to that god,” he reminded. “I thought about it later and realized that while everyone’s interest in the case was voluntary, it’s hard to say where the influence of that power even started or ended.”

“That’s _if_ you believe the power existed and wasn’t just a mind trap created for you by that ‘god’,” Adachi pointed out. “You could’ve made a decision to forget about ever hearing that mess at all.”

“I know,” Yu nodded. “But, save for this one difference, you were right. It really doesn’t matter. Be it the case, luck, or the spark, my own merit in forming the bonds wasn’t as big as I wished. So I decided to accept this and simply cherish what I gained, instead of choosing to believe or not to believe in something I’ll never know is true or not.” He looked Adachi in the eye. “This was my choice.”

“..Sweated to find a third option that suited you better than the two you already had, huh?” Adachi scoffed after a short pause. “Very much like you, to do something that troublesome.”

Despite the sarcasm steeping every syllable, Yu sensed that Adachi didn’t mean what he said in a bad way.

“Still, I’m surprised you were so hung up on that.” The left corner of Adachi’s mouth turned up. “I imagined your naïve trust in bonds would make you shut your eyes on anyone else’s contradicting words.”

“It’s not just the words,” Yu slightly shook his head. “That power could explain what I actually felt at times. Like being thanked for help when I didn’t do much or did nothing at all.”

“That thing about everyone finding the answers on their own again?” Adachi breathed out a bored sigh. “Is the idea of somebody slowly arriving to their conclusions while talking to you _that_ hard to accept?”

Yu couldn’t stifle a sad laugh and lowered his gaze.

“You were the only one this trick never worked on, after all.”

He was sure that if there _was_ a spark, it would’ve never been meant to influence Adachi. There would’ve been no point in that and even some risk to it. The fact that Adachi didn’t fit the common patterns of all his connections could’ve been both the proof and the logical consequence of his unwanted influencing power.

After hearing no reaction for quite a while, Yu wondered if Adachi saw the link between his line and the reply he got at all. No ridiculing for making no sense or blunt and direct questions about what that answer was supposed to mean heavily implied that he did.

Yu raised his eyes back and took his time to observe Adachi’s face, trying to understand his thoughts at the moment. But the more he looked, the more lost he got in the utter indifference that crossed the man’s features.

“Why did you turn yourself in, Adachi-san?” Without noticing, Yu went for the question himself.

His lips a thin line, Adachi reluctantly shifted his gaze from some meaningless point on his side of the room to Yu’s face and narrowed his eyes.

“Is this why you’re here? To check if it _was_ your trick after all?” The tone of his voice dropped. “Are you expecting me to tell you something comforting like ‘because of all those words you threw at me in that room’?”

“I’m not checking anything. And I don’t think you were influenced by my words that much,” he paused. “Even if you had been, I honestly wouldn’t find this comforting in any way.”

Adachi didn’t break eye contact for a few more moments, as if trying to make sure Yu wasn’t lying. Then he closed his eyes and gave a shrug of the shoulders.

“It’s not like I care if this question is what brought you here or not. But I’m not sure you’ll like the answer.”

Yu didn’t say anything, making it clear he was still willing to hear it.

“You and your friends must’ve given it a deep collective thought already. And there was enough time to do it, too.” With a slight smirk, Adachi slowly leaned his elbows against the ledge. Letting the handcuffs give out a jingle again, he covered his one hand with the other and rested his chin on them. “Any theories you have to share, Mr. Detective?”

Apart from that day in October, when he talked to Dojima at the station, Yu couldn’t remember any other discussions of Adachi’s reason for surrender. None he was a part of, at least. But he did get back to this question multiple times on his own.

“I believe you were tired of playing a role in someone else’s game,” Yu replied, inadvertently fixing his eyes on the abrasions on Adachi’s wrists and the metal around them. “And that you probably wanted to shut me out.”

“Well, can’t deny either of those,” Adachi chuckled and then lifted one eyebrow. “Can you call that a reasonable ground for a confession, though?”

Yu admitted he couldn’t. That’s what bothered him about this ‘theory’ all the time.

“With how you informed me about your plans to get rid of the mastermind, I could’ve just sat back and watched you end this game for me, right?” Adachi shrugged again. “And then I would’ve had to wait till your leave in March, that’s it. Five months definitely isn’t as long as any of the sentences I’ll get.”

Adachi narrowed his eyes a little and lowered his voice.

“But I knew you wouldn’t leave it all be. You’re a persistent brat after all. With what you learned from and about me, you would’ve taken some action, no matter what,” Adachi addressed Yu a crooked smile. “And the thought that you and your friends would get to decide something for me – that you almost literally had my life in your hands – felt gross enough for me to willingly make this sort of a decision for myself.”

Yu watched Adachi put his hands down on the ledge and lean back in the chair.

“Basically, I wanted to turn myself in of my own free will and not because of some decision made by a group of teenagers,” the voice went back to its usual lazy intonations. “Didn’t expect you to make a mystery out of this. It seemed rather obvious to me.”

Yu couldn’t force himself to turn his eyes away from the sore wrists behind the glass window.

“..What if that decision would’ve been to let you go free?” he asked without looking up.

“It doesn’t matter _what_ your decision would’ve been, because I didn’t want you to make _any_ for me.” With a sneer, he shook his head. “But let’s be real here: your team would’ve never allowed this hypothetical scenario of yours to happen anyway.”

After a short pause, Yu slowly exhaled and raised his gaze to look Adachi in the eye.

“They only learned the truth when you surrendered.”

Dumbfounded, Adachi stared at Yu with arched eyebrows.

“Huh?” he let out a shaky laugh after a short while. “Wait. You mean, you didn’t tell anything about me to your team on your own?”

Yu pursed his lips, remembering the hesitations he'd had right before receiving a call from Dojima.

“I was going to,” he replied, trying to sound as confident as possible. “I just didn’t want to rush things.”

“ ‘Rush things’? You planned to try talking to me again or something?” Adachi chuckled. “Kid, I thought we’d discussed it all by that point. Did you want to persuade me to surrender on your own?” He fell silent and furrowed his brow a little. “..Or did you seriously consider closing your eyes on everything?”

Yu let out a heavy sigh. He had no idea why he decided to bring up the issue: in the end, he’d never figured the answers for himself.

“..I don’t know,” he muttered. “I really don’t.”

The awkward silence in the room lasted for almost half a minute.

“You realize what you’ve been risking there?” Adachi spoke up again. “Your friends could’ve turned their backs on you if they found out, you know.”

Feeling as if Yosuke’s pained expression got branded on his mind, Yu doubted he would’ve endured this kind of emotion coming from everyone else.

“You didn’t drift apart there because of all this stuff, did you?”

He fixed his eyes on Adachi’s face, the indifference on it replaced by subtle confusion.

“No. I think we didn’t.” Yu shook his head and then sighed again. “Although I wish I had more time to see how we’d get along without the case, the spark, and everything else.”

“Don’t you have it though?” Adachi raised an eyebrow. “It’s only December.”

Yu made a pause before answering.

“I’m moving back to the city tomorrow morning.”

And received an even longer pause in return.

About a minute later, Adachi tried to go for what probably was supposed to be his habit to ruffle the hair on the back of his head – and Yu couldn’t help but bit his lower lip at the sight. The way the hand was abruptly stopped from being lifted by the short handcuff chain was too cruel to watch.

With a disappointed chuckle, Adachi leaned back in his chair, threw his head back, and let both of his cuffed hands drop on the lap.

“So that’s what this urgent visit was all about, huh…” he exhaled. “I actually wondered why you and Dojima-san went out of your ways to get the permission for this meeting. I even thought you were cooperating with the investigation in some way. Not that I don’t do it myself, but it’s never enough, I guess.”

The voice sounded muffled since Adachi was basically speaking into the ceiling.

“Is it your parents’ whim again?”

“Uncle’s discussion with my mother about my career in the force didn’t go well,” Yu nodded.

After another long silence Adachi breathed out a laugh and then slowly straightened his neck.

“Well, good for you, to finally get out of here. Starting tomorrow you won’t be torn between the contradicting options all the time.” With his head somewhat tilted to the left, Adachi locked his eyes on Yu. “Judging by what you’ve told me here, you were on the verge of making too many choices in my favor. I thought you wanted to be 'a good guy' and a hero though, didn’t you?"

Before answering, Yu held the exhausted gaze from behind the glass for a few moments.

“I honestly believe it is the right thing to do – to try to help people. But I don’t want to fit in any kind of predefined roles anymore.”

Yu shifted his look to the side.

“Black and white views don’t feel right to me. Even if I don’t approve of something, I think it’s worth trying to understand it first,” he fell silent for a few seconds. “That god said, the entire game was about defending the truth, but from how I see it now, everyone has the ‘truth’ of their own. And I don’t think it’s possible to brand these truths as just ‘good’ or ‘bad’, without something in between."

Adachi didn’t react at once.

“What’s with the wish to ‘never hurt anyone’ then?”

Yu replied with a bitter smile.

“As much as I dislike it, I’ve realized that in some situations you have to decide whom you’d rather not hurt at the expense of hurting someone else. And if you don’t make a choice, you can hurt all the people involved…” he trailed off. “I guess I‘ve come to understand what you meant by saying that my wish to hurt no one can be hurtful on its own.”

The kind of surprise he saw in Adachi’s eyes was unfamiliar. Yet it disappeared before Yu could put his finger on what exactly was different about it.

“I know I’m obviously not good at handling such situations now,” Yu concluded, “but I hope to learn to deal with them more confidently one day. I still have my principles that I believe in and there are ‘truths’ that I can never agree with. So I want to be able to make choices based on that and not be swayed by anything.”

Once he finished his long reply, Yu looked at Adachi with a somewhat mischievous smile on his lips.

“I bet to you it all sounds exactly like something an “immature idiot” would say, though.”

Both corners of Adachi’s mouth also turned up a bit. It wasn’t a condescending smirk anymore – just a smile, similar to the one Yu used to see on his face long ago. But something felt different about it too.

“Well, not really. The way you were talking about everything with that put-on slanted conviction before was a lot more immature than how you’re questioning things now. Or do you think all adults have everything figured out? I mean, look at me, huh,” he tried to spread his hands, but the handcuffs, ironically, didn’t allow him this gesture either.

Yu heard a weak chuckle, but was only able to purse his lips in response.

“..Reality’s grayish most of the time, you know,” Adachi continued in a lower voice, his eyes fixed on his own hands. “ ‘Good’ and ‘bad’ only make sense when you give them your own meanings. And even then – you may believe you’re being a hero, but someone else will always see you as a villain. Little you can do about it.” A rueful smile tug on his lips. “And consciously choosing to become a ‘bad guy’ just might be a little bit too bothersome.”

The words had a slight hint of remorse and Yu couldn’t tell if that felt more relieving than heart-wrenching for him.

“So yeah,” after a few seconds, Adachi raised his gaze and forced a laugh, “making reasonable independent choices while trying to remain open to different opinions isn’t such an unwise plan. Just..” some dull ache clouded his features, “..don’t get used to thinking too much. It’s really not something that will make your life easy. Believe me.”

“I’m not trying to make it easy,” Yu confidently shook his head. “I just want to figure out things that are important to me, for myself.”

The corners of Adachi’s mouth slowly quirked up in an unusual manner again.

“Well, then do your best with it, I guess.”

Yu’s lips shaped a smile in return.

“Yeah. I will.”

They both were quiet for almost a half a minute until Yu remembered about the paper bag under his chair and bent over to pick it up.

“I’ll ask to get this passed to you,” he said after he put the bag on the ledge. “There’s a change of clothes from uncle, two lunchboxes – from Nanako and me. And a few books.”

Adachi’s eyebrows flew up but he almost immediately covered his surprise with a snicker.

“Books? Really now?”

“I wasn’t sure what type of them you liked,” Yu continued, unfazed. “It’s just some novels I’ve read over the summer and liked more or less.”

He could still see how confused and startled Adachi was and decided to give him some time to handle these emotions before bringing up another important thing.

“Well, anything’s better than just killing time here,” Adachi shrugged at last. “Guess I’ll give them a try.”

“I also left a note with my home address in the city in one of them.”

“I think it’ll be easier if I just give them back to Dojima-san later. He’ll send them to you in my stead.”

“That’s not what I meant,” Yu shook his head. “You can keep the books. I was just thinking I could send you some new ones from time to time in the future. But for that, I’ll need to have a clearer grasp on your tastes and preferences.”

Adachi blinked.

“..Are you seriously asking me to send you book reviews or something?”

“Just a few words or the names of those you liked best would be enough. I’ll try to work it out from there.”

A few quiet moments passed before Adachi, with his eyes closed, started to laugh.

“Geez, kid. You finally said something that made some sense to me a few moments ago, but now you’ve gone right back to all your usual weird stuff.” Adachi shook his head. “I’m not promising you anything here. But boredom is something I hate even more than any sort of bond maintenance. So I’ll think about it.”

Yu couldn’t say it aloud, but he intentionally used Adachi’s attitude to boredom to his advantage, expecting this kind of an answer. What he didn’t expect was to hear Adachi refer to that objectively complicated and dead-end relationship they had as a ‘bond’. The word gave rise to a strange emotion in Yu’s chest, which he couldn’t even fully comprehend.

“..Everything always was too weird with you, you know,” Adachi quietly went on, shifting his gaze to the side. “No matter how irritated I got whenever I saw you, I always found myself caught up in the conversation a few moments later.”

Yu arched his eyebrows in surprise. He never hoped to create a confiding atmosphere with his humble book supply suggestion.

“Each time I’d promise myself to keep my mouth shut, and each time I’d willingly open up to you about something I hadn’t talked about to anyone in years. Thinking of all the stuff I brought up to you literally drove me crazy and made me feel pathetic." Adachi fell silent for a few moments. "..But for some reason, I just couldn’t find this balance between pretending to be and actually being honest around you.”

Yu made sure Adachi wasn’t going to continue on his own before asking.

“Is this why you started to keep your distance in July?”

“Yeah, and later, when that attempt failed,” still looking aside, Adachi let out a tired chuckle. “Although, Dojima-san’s surprised reaction was what started it, yeah. Because soon after he asked me about how often we hung out, I realized that I actually was starting..” he shrugged, as if trying to make the end of his sentence sound completely nonchalant, “..to not mind having these chats with you on a regular basis, I guess.”

Even with all the vagueness and curtness, Yu understood the flattering message.

“This might have been that spark’s influence,” Yu said with a weak smile and slow shake of his head. “I just never thought you could’ve been affected too. Because I never knew you had these struggles.”

“If I got it right, you’ve recently mentioned that the power not working on me was one of the main reasons you believed in it in general,” a mischievous smile broke onto Adachi’s face, as he finally looked Yu in the eye. “Now that you don’t have the exception, you don’t have the rule to prove, Yu-kun.”

Yu was too confused with the whole spark stuff to agree or properly contradict, but he didn’t stay silent because of that alone. The shock from hearing Adachi address him by his name for the first time in a very long while also played a large part in it.

“Personally, I wouldn’t mind if something like that ‘spark’ was to blame. It would’ve been easier for me,” Adachi shrugged and looked aside again. “But the fact that I’m still spilling the guts to you right here and now remains. And since I consciously chose to not believe in all that provoking mess, looks like I just have to admit that I simply..” there was a momentary pause,  “never hated you as much as I would like to think I did or whatever.”

The lean phrasing that was so much like Adachi made Yu curve his lips into a smile. He still couldn’t tell if the words he heard were making him feel more pleased than pained, but they definitely were making a lasting impression and – he knew for sure – would get stuck in his head for quite some time.

Staring at the empty space to his right, Adachi obviously had something else on his mind. Yu patiently waited for him to resume talking on his own and didn’t rush him.

“..The morning on the day I surrendered, I went back to that room to leave something there,” Adachi muttered at last, a sad smile surfacing on his lips. “Didn’t want anyone from the law enforcement to get their hands on it during the apartment search. It was probably the only thing I had to treasure after all, hah..”

A second later he locked his eyes on Yu.

“If you’ve got the time for a trip to that world before you leave, kid, I want you to have that thing.”

Stunned at the suddenly expressed privilege of trust, Yu didn’t even know if he should speak up about what had happened to the TV world and voice his doubts about the room being there at all. He was still at a loss for words when Adachi deliberately changed the subject and went back to the nonchalant tone.

“Hey, but won’t it be a hassle, though? With the books I mean,” trying to get rid of all the awkwardness, Adachi lifted one eyebrow and smirked. “Third year is tough and all. You’re gonna have some busy time, no matter what your plans for the future are.”

With a soft sigh, Yu closed his eyes and chuckled.

“Don’t worry. Finding ‘the right book’ and sending it to you once in a while won’t get in the way of my preparations for the academy. And I’m used to multitasking anyway.”

Adachi snickered in reply.

“..So, you’re really gonna aim for the police force, huh?”

“Yeah, most likely,” Yu nodded. “There’ll be more hurdles than I expected, but I’m not giving up on the idea.”

Adachi cast his eyes down to the ledge and narrowed them a little, as if pondering over bringing or not bringing up something. Then, after making a decision in his mind, he fixed his gaze back on Yu.

“You want some actual career advice from me here?”

Hearing yet another unexpected line, Yu blinked in surprise.

“..Yeah?”

The left corner of Adachi’s lips turned upward.

“The stuff you’re really good at,” without lifting the right hand from the ledge, he pointed in the direction of his own forehead with the index finger, “is getting into other people’s heads.”

Yu wasn’t quite sure where this was going.

“When you need it, you can dig up everything and get a full grasp of the situation. You do it against all odds, whether a person wants it or not. And this kind of info is exactly what’s often necessary for making just legal decisions.” Adachi shrugged. “Well, you’ve got some troubles with that ‘decision-making’ part for now, but as you’ve promised, you’ll figure it out, right?”

He lowered his voice a little, eyes still locked on Yu.

“What I’m saying is: aim for some good law school, kid. The academy crap’s just not your thing, not with the ideals you have and the methods you use. Police are a blind brute force and the gophers of the law. They don’t have a final say in any sort of ‘justice’ - not that it exists in this world at all,” he scoffed. “And they can barely ‘save’ anyone because they aren’t even supposed to look into the deeper stuff like motives and reasons. The not-so-boring, in-the-head stuff that the real law is practically built on and that _you_ always look into while trying to help.”

He snickered again.

“And you actually might have the talent for this sorta thing. So it’d be dumb to waste it.”

Startled, Yu was looking at a mischievously smiling face behind the glass, unable to come up with a reaction. He could tell that Adachi was being completely honest with him and decided to share the thoughts for his – or his future’s – sake, inexplicitly demonstrating his care. But what’s more – these thoughts seemed to finally be devoid of that twisted perception of him that Adachi used to have.

Yu slowly lowered his chin in a grateful nod and smiled back.

“Thanks, Adachi-san. I’ll definitely give this a thought.”

“You’d better do,” Adachi was still smiling. “I mean, it’s not my future of course, but it’d really be a-…”

Adachi suddenly turned around and looked at the door behind him, which opened a mere second later. Yu’s heart sank as he saw the guard and realized that the hour they had was already over – right when the tone and mood of their conversation got back to what it used to be like for him at the very start, months ago.

“Well, time’s up,” with a shrug of his shoulders, Adachi slowly got up from his chair. “Thanks for the visit, I guess. And thank Dojima-san for me, too. I imagine how much effort it cost him to set up this meeting when I’m still not allowed visitors.” He snickered. “I won’t get any when I’m allowed to have them, though. The irony.”

Yu watched the guard come closer to check the handcuffs and all words got stuck in his throat, not letting him come up with a proper goodbye line. Seeing Adachi turn his back to him and make a step to the door finally forced him to take a breath – but the muffled voice from behind the glass beat him to it.

“Oh, and for the love of whatever,” Adachi stopped and, without looking back, continued: “do better with who you develop your crushes on next time, okay? That last one you told me about was terrible, really. With how much hurt you were getting from it, I can’t even imagine how you held on to it for so long. Work on your taste choices and watch what you waste your time and energy on, kid.”

Yu froze and held the breath he just took.

To finally see his feelings and words being taken seriously was virtually stunning. Yu knew it could’ve even been heartwarming, to the point of quiet elation – he never hoped for more than this sort of acceptance after all – if not for the complicated circumstances that couldn’t be erased.

Because of these circumstances, all Adachi’s words did was fill his chest with the heavy bittersweet sensation. But Yu knew he wouldn’t trade it for the world.

His lips shaped a rueful smile as he clenched his fists on his lap.

“This is the kind of choices I can’t control no matter what, Adachi-san,” he replied, eyes fixed on the man’s back. “But I don’t regret this one in the least.”

He almost knew the pause would’ve been longer if not for the pressing time.

“Then have some better luck with all that stuff,” Adachi purposefully ignored the last part. “It does seem to like your company. So next time, put it to better use.”

Yu heard the sound of steps resume and silently followed Adachi with his eyes to the door.

“I’ll come visit again,” he blurted out without thinking, yet hoping that his voice was still distinguishable. By how Adachi looked at him over the shoulder, his eyebrows bent sarcastically, he could tell that it was.

Yu saw the lips move for a second and though he couldn’t hear the voice from the distance, he knew he was just branded a ‘dumbass’ again. Chuckling, he lowered his eyes: he didn’t even disagree with that, he felt like an idiot.

After the door on the other side closed, Yu didn’t get up from the chair. He didn’t even move and just looked at the empty surface of the ledge on the other side of the glass, the remnants of the chuckle still on his lips and his mind a mess.

He suddenly realized that all this time he’d been keeping himself from comforting Nanako, Yosuke, and the others with the same promise he just made – simply because he couldn’t guarantee he’d be able to fulfill it. Yet, he blurted the words out on a reflex to the person, who would never even admit that he’d somewhat enjoy his return and a visit without blurring all of his words and covering his real emotions with a thick layer of indifference.

Now, he knew he’d have to somehow make his return work for sure, since breaking his own promises was not a part of his ideals and methods. Besides, the perspective of seeing genuine bafflement replace the recent sardonic disbelief on Adachi’s face seemed like something that was definitely worth the effort.

The heavy door behind Yu opened and the officer’s voice made him snap out of it. He slowly stood up, took the paper bag and headed to the room exit. After handing the bag to the guard and waiting until he inspected the contents and nodded in approval, Yu thanked him and set out.

While walking through a long hallway toward the main entrance, he took out his phone and saw a message from Yukiko, saying that her parents freed her from the inn duties for the day. He smiled, relieved that the plans for their farewell party were doing fine, but couldn’t stop himself from wondering if it truly was okay to just go and have fun like that. Being completely honest with himself, Yu didn’t _feel_ like having fun; with what the last two months were like for him, he fell out of the habit of doing something for sheer joy in general. What calmed him down was the inkling that it was probably the same for the rest of the team and they’d just have to figure it out together.

He looked at the clock at the status bar of his phone and made sure it was still only 6. Considering how distortedly the time flew in the TV world, an hour was just enough for him to get to Junes and then back to the Shopping District right before 7.


	13. Chapter 13

Not having to wear Teddie’s glasses to clearly see everything in the TV world was strange but also convenient: Yu didn’t have the glasses on him anyway since he’d put them in his travel bag earlier that morning. Getting rid of them for good didn’t feel right even though he realized he’d never need them again.

Upon looking the fog-free platform around, he headed out in the direction he’d taken in late October under Izanagi’s guidance. To his surprise and relief, Yu did see the weird apartment block after what felt like a 5-minute walk along the platform railing. He stepped up the pace and soon neared the outer staircase of the building.

It took him some time to find his way around in the hallways since every time he’d been to the place before he hardly cared about the surroundings. All he knew was that the door had to be in the left wing of some upper floor.

When he finally saw the familiar interior behind one of the doors he was checking, Yu unconsciously held his breath and carefully stepped inside.

He already had a pretty clear idea of what exactly Adachi had left in the room: the thought appeared in his mind the very moment Adachi brought the entire thing up. Still, the sight of the revolver on the bed made some strange feeling well up in Yu’s chest. Eyes locked on the gun, he started to make slow steps forward.

When he was right in front of the bed, he stopped and simply stared at the pistol for a while before he bent, stretched out his arm and picked it up.

The revolver was cold and still unloaded, just like Yu left it in Adachi’s hands two months ago. After carefully examining it, Yu couldn’t spot even a single scratch on the metal. The gun was impeccably clean and polished, like brand new, showing just how much fondness and dedication its owner had been putting into its use and maintenance all this time.

It almost felt as if Adachi found the safe outlet for his potential of care and affection in this non-living thing; an object, which couldn’t pay him back neither with this same care, nor with hurt – at least, not with the hurt that wasn’t at his own choice. As if he was convinced that this was the only way any genuine heartfelt devotion could make any sense and work for him at all. Convinced that everything – everyone – else was going to betray him, set up or push aside anyway.

Biting his lower lip, Yu shut his eyes and stayed like that for a while, letting a wave of anguish seize and overwhelm him completely. The pain and sorrow slowly found their way into his heart, where they curled up in a corner right beside much warmer feelings, showing no intention to leave any time soon.

Once he opened his eyes, Yu looked at the gun in his hands again and gripped it tightly.

A few more minutes later, he carefully put the revolver under his belt, adjusted his coat and, upon looking the room over for the last time, headed for the door.

**Author's Note:**

> *obtained social link item*
> 
> I'm about to get a bit personal here, but I really want to thank everyone. I was practically in shambles when I started posting this fic that I never planned to make public. To be honest, it was kind of an 'i can't feel any worse, so here goes' move, haha. I was mostly prepared for a complete void or just hate (bc well, my fave is problematic, my otp is problematic and, to top it all up, English isn't my first language and I know it shows). So when I was saying here in the comments that I'd never expected any readers, I really meant it. And I'm literally over the moon bc of all this support and fun and other people's love for this dumb gay thing that I might have put a little too much of my soul into. I feel like this actually helped me to get back on my feet. And I'm really, really grateful for this.
> 
> Also, I'm not sure I should really talk about it but.. the ending hints at a sequel and I'm actually kind of working on it rn. It's a big angsty, melodramatic and, well, ~legally~ gay (iykwim) mess in my head as far as the planning goes and I'm only in the middle of writing the 3rd chapter, so I can't say when I finish it or _if_ I finish it at all. But I really would love to give these guys some comfort in the end, even if it takes me another year or more. They deserve it.  
> I know fandoms come and go for all of us, but I just wanted to say that in case some time in the future any of you feels like consuming some fresh adashu post-canon slow-burn content, you'll (hopefully) have a chance to find it in my profile.
> 
> Thank you all so much again! ♡


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